FREAKS
by Jemmasgiirl
Summary: Semma&otherpairings. Come see how the rest of season 4 would of been like if Sean had stayed and what drama it would of created, especially for Emma. Then come see that drama be dragged into a rehabilitation center, along with them, when the school forces them to go. They aren't alone. Spinner, Ellie, Craig & Jay are also locked up in there with them for 6 whole straight weeks.
1. Won't Let Go

"Can you _atleast_ come with me?" Ellie asked Sean, giving him her unoriginal stare down when she was annoyed with him.

It's been a month since the shooting yet he was still distancing himself, and Ellie was coming to terms with the fact that this _distance thing_ had maybe even been there before the shooting..

..and it all had to do with _**her**_**.**

Ellie turned her head to see Sean staring at something down the hall from them, _her__**, Emma Nelson**__._

She was walking with J.t Yorke, who from all the way down the hall, she could **still** hear him talking about the stupid annoying play the school was doing that he was directing.

Ellie's emerald eyed hardened on Emma. She didn't get why it was so hard for Sean to let the little activist go...they dated too young to be in love so it couldn't of been that, that was emotionally pulling him towards her, right?

Ellie felt wrong, but the fact was she ignored it, Sean was an amazing guy and she wanted to **stay** his girlfriend. . she wanted the other girl to get lost. Emma was pretty, she won't lie about that, so she could have _anyone_.. so why keep Sean on a short leash? Ugh. Maybe that was horrible for Ellie to think about her own boyfriend.. and I guess it wasn't Emma who was telling Sean not to let go.. it was **his **fault.

**He** wouldn't let go.

And he tried so hard to fight it. The guy didn't see how obvious he came off and Ellie didn't mind Emma being a blind idiot to it either because that meant she had more Sean to herself.

"Sean!" Ellie said and he finally snapped his eyes to her.

"What, EL?" he asked, sighing a bit as he ripped his eyes from Emma and tried really hard to focus on her.

Ellie had to admit, he did this even when they had begun dating.. she always had to say his name twice to catch his attention, she'd always find him in a haze, he'd always **not **want to talk and it was because there was _another girl _on his mind.

"Nothing, nevermind." she stiffened a smile and leaned in, kissing him quickly and insisted, "Meet me after class." he nodded, as the bell rang and she made him think every day since the shooting that she _did _go straight to class.

But she didn't.

She went to the bathroom, and while in there she would stare at herself in the mirror, she how tired her eyes looked, how tangled her red hair was and just what a mess she was.

No wonder Sean nor Marco nor any other guy or even her Dad could stand to be around her.

She dug into her bag and grabbed her 'handy dandy tool kit' . . sorry, too dark comedy for you? She unzipped her razor binder and opened it as she then rolled her sleeve up and reached for the blade best today..

..she'd go with the small one.. since at least today didn't hurt as much as the other days.

She finished, and slid her razer back into her binder and when she went to tuck it into her bag, it fell and she seemed to crash onto the floor with it, choking on her cry and trembling. She gasped in sharply and put one hand over her mouth for crying so hard, and one over her wrist that was in pain.

The door opened and Mrs. Suave stood there and her eyes widened in horror and a mixture of sadness slipped in as well, "Ellie." she whispered, shaking her head no, "What have you done?"

Meanwhile.. Emma had finally ripped herself from J.t, sighing in some sort of relief. You may ask, what did that even mean? _Some_ sort of relief?

Well, Emma barely felt any kind of emotions anymore, nor did she want to. She had gone into shock the day of the shooting and she guessed she never shook it off... maybe she didn't want to.

She liked the way it was when you couldn't feel the pain around you and maybe sometimes that costed her from feeling any happiness too but thats fine...since happiness could be ruined as well in a blink of an eye.. trust her on that.

Emma stopped walking as she adjusted her little leather back over her shoulder. Her head was hung a bit down and through her bangs across her forehead she noticed a couple against the lockers making out and when she looked up more, she noticed it was Jay and Alex.

_Funny_. She remembered Jay this morning feeling her up behind stage at JTs play rehearsal. She wasn't shocked though.. course he was some scumbag cheater.. but it did kind of bring ideas to her when he did it, and she had let him, because here are the pros and cons of fooling around with Jay and no strings:

**CONS:**

1) Jay can be really annoying

2) If Alex finds out, there is going to be an Alex&Emma #2 showdown

3) She kinda goes against everything she stands for...respect, loyalty.. virtue.

**PROS**

1) She can hang this over Alex's pretty little head.

2) She can also remind Jay whenever he tries to make fun of her, that he **wanted **her.

3) It gave her enough boy problems to worry about so she could avoid relationship drama because this would only be about sex.

And lastly, her favorite, 4) She can get back at him.

Emma's eyes drifted to Sean, shuffling through his locker as she walked to her own. **Ofcourse **her and Jay would be discreet about this, she didn't want the school to find out, but she did kind hope _Sean_ would.

It'd feel like the greatest revenge.. oh but damn, she wasn't **ready **to feel.. so maybe she'd hide it a bit longer til she was ready for some Sean drama...if he _even_ cared that is.

Emma sadly opened her locker and leaned on the door of it, gazing inside numbly. She must of lost time, because when she swore she only blinked, all the students were almost all in their classes and she must of missed the bell go off.

She snapped out of it, already holding her book for her next class, so she slammed her locker door and went to run for fourth...to stop in her tracks a little.

Sean was slightly turned in her direction, and he looked a bit taken back when she turned so quickly and caught him looking at her, but she looked so _numb._ Did she know she had been just staring at her locker for 3 minutes straight?

He sighed in bitterness, watching her just half way roll her brown caramel eyes, completely ignoring him but also really not. He couldn't accept the fact he just _bugged _her by _glancing _at her (Okay stared, but she didn't know that)

She went to class, and he was last standing in the hallway, as the class doors closed. . making him late.

He glanced around at the empty halls a bit terrified like. He hated to walk down empty halls now... it just reminded him of the day of the shooting when all the kids ran through them and fled, leaving him, Emma and Toby alone in it.. to wait for Rick. He swore he could still hear the footsteps of Rick whenever he was in an empty hall like this, or Emma's whimper when the gun-

"Sean." Snake said, behind him

Sean jumped and he whirled around, glaring with anger in his eyes at Snake for doing that to him.

Snake instantly raised his hands but eyed Sean worriedly, "Sorry. _Sorry._ Are you okay?"

"Fine Mr. S" Sean then inhaled, and exhaled; calming down. Mr.S truly cared and he got that...he just kinda wish it was his stepdaughter that did.

But that was stupid, wishing for Emma to come to **him **after _everything_ he put her through? Selfish of him to want. . but that didn't mean he could stop himself from wanting it deep down. He's tried, for almost a year now, and even tried to forget her with two other girls but this one just remained on his mind and it was **killing **him knowing he had no right to want her back after being the one to push her away, _the reason_ why they even broke up. It **killed **him knowing she'd probably never come back anyways.

"Gotta get to class." Sean muttered, dragging his feet around Mr S as he rolled his head back to shut his eyes and curse at himself before walking off.

Snake crossed his arms, watching Sean til out of site.

"You do know what a blow job is right?" Jay smirked to Emma in the van. They had been hanging out at the ravine all night and Emma was a bit surprised Sean wasn't there with Ellie, nor was Alex...she only saw Amy. Shame Sean couldn't be here to see this..

Emma's eyes widened a bit when Jay said that though and he closed the van door, and she swore to you that she probably_ would_ of ran out of that van just then if it **weren't **for the Pros of this running through her head.

**Revenge.**

As he unbuckled his pants, licking his lips a bit slowly as he slowly did so, not sure if she was going to go along with this, she answered him with another kiss. That she was actually **pretty **good at but Jay guessed she had to be since its all she's ever done with anyone. . Now, he was going to be the one who made her go further..

Was it horrible he was doing this? And with the girl his best friend pretended to be done with? Sure. But it didn't stop him from doing it, infact, thinking about it made him want to do it more. He couldn't tell you **what **was wrong with him or why he was such an asshole, he just was.

His mouth fell pleasurably as he used Emma's hair to guide her as she bobbed up and down with her mouth on his cock. . and later, he'd return the favor. Yah.. he was mostly just going to use her for his needs, but now that Sean was around he felt he should do more since this might be his only change and well, lets face it, Emma was hot. He really **did** like her virtue and the more this went on, the funner it got, it even seemed like Alex was out of the picture. Would he date Greenpeace? I don't know.. Sean would kill him, and he had a huge feeling Emma didn't feel that way for him. He sometimes saw it in her eyes too when they passed another in school, sharing smirks, sometimes he swore she wanted Sean to catch it.

Kinda can't lie, made it more fun to fool around when he thought how Sean had no idea he was tainting his 'little miss perfect'.


	2. Traumatized

"A psych ward?" Raditch asked Mrs Suave who nodded.

"A rehabilitation centre, if you will." she insisted on calling it.

"I think it's a great idea." admitted Snake.

They all sat in the office and Raditch sat across from them at his desk, "I can't send my students there!" he snapped.

Mrs Suave gave him a sort of disgusted look, "**Some **of your students here in Degrassi need it. You have someone who still hasn't stopping harming herself-"

Snake nodded, throwing in, "Kids with the worst of anger issues."

Raditch rolled his eyes, "Then its up for their parents to take care of them."

"Gee." Snake said, standing up from his chair and his eyes blazing with fury down at Raditch who even found himself quivering back a little, "Why didn't you tell **Rick Murrays mother** that?"

Raditch shut up and looked away, guilty.

Mrs Suave nodded, agreeing with Snake but also insisted he calm down and sit again. He did. She went on, "We need to take care of these kids too. Some of them don't even have parents, I mean, look at Sean Cameron."

Raditch leaned forward on his table and rubbed his forehead, "Well, I agree with you on that. He's one kid who should be whipped into shape."

"This is about helping, **healing**, not _disciplining_." Mrs Suave heard herself get angry and Snake, this time, gave her the look to calm down.

They both knew Raditch would be a prick about this..

Raditch huffed but nodded and then asked, "These kids will still be getting their education if they go?"

"I looked into it." Snake told him, "It's only 6 weeks and their will be a classroom there for them."

Raditch seemed to even be impressed himself with that and then got a pen out and piece of paper, "Which kids do you want to send to this rehabilitation?"

They all shared looks, and Mrs Suave opened a file, "The kids who were part of the shooting but didn't reach out are Sean Cameron." she read, and Raditch happily wrote it down, "Emma Nelson. Craig Mannings. . and Spinner Mason." she coughed slightly, "I'd also like to add Ellie Nash who wasn't a part of it but an ongoing self harming individual. She can use it."

Raditch nodded, accepting that and then snickered, "If Sean Cameron's going, better add his little buddy Hogart." sneered Raditch, writing that name down too and eyed Suave and Simpson, "We can really force them to go?"

Snake nodded, but didn't agree with Raditch's random choice of Jay Hogart but then had to admit..the kid had problems and he swore he had something to do with the prank pulled on Rick, so maybe it **was **good to put him in.

"They're under 18 and show all the signs of a child at risk." explained Sauve, "Ofcourse, the kids who do have parents will have to agree or we go to court if we really feel a kid who has declined the offer is a threat to our school."

"which we cant really proove.." drifted Snake, "But! The kids who **would **decline this, are the ones with no parents around and don't have a say."

"What an interesting 6 weeks this will be for them." Raditch had to say, grinning unbelievably and standing up, "Alright. I'll notify their parents and hand them the letters tomorrow."

"Thankyou." sighed Sauve, happy to god that this was over and left as soon as she could, rolling her eyes to Raditch's poor principle statistics.

Snake and Raditch shook hands and Raditch grunted a little, feeling Snakes hand tighten on his rather hard and Snake leaned in warningly, "Maybe you should start looking for another job since you don't seem to _care _for this one." with that, he turned, and Raditch watched him leave with a guilty, sorrow look in his eye.

Emma was sitting in class, trying to do her work but just as usual since the shooting she just couldn't focus.

She let her eyes wonder a little around class as everyone was doing their assignments. When she turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes fell on Sean. This was the only class she had with him, since he failing just a few classes and a year older than her.

He was looking down at his test, confused but focused, but also mouthing curses whenever he went to erase whatever he seemed to think he got wrong. He even itched his bandana covered head like a cartoon that was confused. She would of laughed if-

"Emma." she heard and Sean must of too because he also looked up even though Emma was _sure _that wasn't **his **name.

He just looked at her as she looked away from him without being caught, and looked toward Mrs Kwan who held a pink envelope. What the heck was that?

Sean even seemed to eye it strangley and watched Emma get up to get it.

Mrs Kwan seemed to have more as she flipped the next envelope over as Emma got out there, "And Sean." she lifted his to come get it and he got up also.

Emma suspiciously took it, eyeing it, but it was sealed and just had her name on it. She turned slowly, lost in though as her shoulder was bumped into harshly that she even cringed.

"Sorry." Sean quickly said as soon as he felt himself do it. Fuck, he tried so hard not to touch her. She gave a slight cringe but then just glared at him.

When could he catch a break?

"That's _funny_." she taunted and walked off. Sean looked after her a bit confused.. what was funny? That he said sorry? He scoffed, knowing what she meant by that.

Mrs kwan even seemed to eye her as Sean grabbed his letter and they both sat down and opened it as the kids around them kept writing their assignments.

_Dear Emma Nelson..._

_Dear Sean Cameron.._

Their letters wrote the same thing after that..

_You have been one of the selected students amongst 5 others who have been picked to go to John Henrys Institution for 6 full weeks. During this stay, you will go through a process of healing, and the school will be paying for your stay and every need. You will be expected to talk in groups, talk one on one with a therapist, and talk about your schools recent tragedy, as well as working on your feelings. Please take advantage of this, we only want the best and there are people worried about you. Please fill out the form attached to this sheet, I do however would have to add that signing this form or not you will still be forced to go. John Henrys is a rehabilitation center, and while there you will still attend class and will not miss out on your education. This will be good for you,_

_Sincerely, _

_Miss Suave._

A shrieking nose of a chair pulling out from its desk fast and hard sounded, and then the thud when the chair fell back. Students cringed and turned to see Sean fleeing out of his seat and charging madly to the door.

"Mr Cameron!" called Mrs Kwan.

He stormed out, and whipped the classroom door closed so hard that the students in the class jumped and so did the other class across the hall.

Emma sat in her seat, not disagreeing with his reaction, but having her own little breakdown in her seat.

Rehab?

"Rehabilition." corrects Suave when Spinner stood infront of her angrily.

He ran a hand through his hair frusterate and tried to fight back the tears, "I _can't _go. Everyone will see there is something wrong with me."

"Nobody will know." promised Suave, "Raditch will tell any student who asks that you guys were picked for a school exchange."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!" Spinner exclaimed and shut up when the door opened and in stormed Craig.

He lifted his pink letter he also got, "What the **hell** is this?" they all jumped when Sean busted in this time and Craig even jumped back when his old ex friend shoved passed him

Spinner swore if Mrs Suave was a man, Sean would of lunged at her, "Who the hell do you think you are?!" he asked.

Slowly, through this intense moment, Jay strolled in and nodded as he looked around seeing everyone else holding these pink letters he also held in his hand

"Bummer.." he drifts.

Spinner rolled his eyes at him, still mad at him for them being the cause of the shooting. Sean just glanced back twice, little shocked Jay was also picked to go and Craig stared when two girls stepped through the door.

When they rest of the boys noticed them, they stared... Ellie Nash and Emma Nelson.

Emma looked down at her letter, and glanced at Ellie Nash and down to hers, then glanced all around at them and their invites too.

"Oh god." she groaned and turned, leaving.

Sean's eyes followed her out, and Ellie caught it, but he couldn't help but wonder...would it be SO bad to go if she was to?

Jay watched Emma go with a bit of hesitation to follow and looked back at Sauve, "So, tomorrow?"

She nodded, looking at everyone else, "Bus will be here at 9am. Bring a lot of clothes, your personal things.." she drifted off watching Jay just nod and walk out and wondered what he was in a hurry for.

Sean couldn't help but notice it was wierd of Jay too, and when Emma had left, he had caught Jay staring at her as well and he followed Jay out after a moment listening to Suaves stupid banter about how they were getting to the crazy house tomorrow.

He jogged a bit to turn the corner and see if he could catch up with Jay. Jay's been a bit.. distant lately. Or maybe Sean was? Either way they haven't really hung out after school in a month. Maybe Jay wasn't going after Emma, and if he was, it was probably just to bug her but then that made Sean want to still catch up and protect her from Jay.. he could be a real ass when he wanted to-

He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw what was before him around the corner.

Emma was at her locker, what Jay seemed to follow her to and leaning on the locker beside hers. Sean **did not** like the way Jay's eyes smouldered down on Emma, like she was a piece of meet. Did Jay have a _thing _for Emma, suddenly? When the **fuck** did that happen?

His world suddenly came crashing down around him as he watched Jay lean down and steal Emma's lips into his, after she had said something to him, and **she **kissed **back.. **thats when the world stopped crashing and Sean heard nothing, felt nothing and saw _nothing_ but these two making out infront of him and there was this loud, _**loud**__ buzz _sounding in his ear and it was just getting louder the louder the longer he watched Jay kiss Emma, **too hard **might he add.. a girl like Emma shouldn't be kissed roughly.. or at **all** by a guy like Jay.

Sean numbly turned from the scene when he saw Emma pull away and close her locker and he took three quick long steps away, pushing his shakey fingers through his hair and his bandana slipping off as he did so; dropping to the floor. He didn't even turn to pick it up and his eyes stayed traumatized ahead. His breath was caught in his throat and his throat was getting more painful by the second as it felt a big lump get growing and growing inside it and tears were trying to pour out Sean's eyes but he wouldn't let it.

He punched a locker near him and went to go ape wall on it-

"SEAN!" Ellie screamed, standing right infront of him and he didn't even seem to notice as he jumped back from the locker and turned to her.

Ellie

His girlfriend..

He blinked, trying to calm down and grit his teeth but he couldn't, he could still feel his heart ripping into shreads and it felt like little Emma's were inside his chest, stomping on the rest of the shredded heart and laughing at it.

"You're going to?" she asked him, passing him a small sad but 'this might be good for us' kind of look as she shook the small pink letter in her hands to show that so was she.

Sean leaned on the lockers looking absolutely hopeless and slid down it til on the ground and panted, from all the anger building inside him.

Ellie frowned deeply and sat next to him, putting her hand in his and thinking he was only upset over this rehab thing.

Sean looked at her hand on his, eyeing it sadly. He didn't want Ellie. He tried it, and it wasn't working, but she was _living_ with him and he said the words 'i love you' to her without meaning it. How could he do that to her? He felt more like shit, knowing it was Emma always on the back of his mind. As he looked at her hand, he noticed the cuts on her wrist and he leaned his head back on the locker, closing his eyes. He couldn't leave Ellie when she was like this... she may do something. Let alone it would have to make her move back into her mothers place which will TRULY make her do something.

Plus..

..it's not like if he was single, Emma would let him in with open arms.

Jay? _Really?_

Jay Hogart was **dead **to him now.


	3. Regrets

"excited for this thing or what?" Jay joked, laying next to Emma on the ravine vans floor.

Emma just laid there, hair sprawled around her head as she laid on her back, her shirt a little raised by the make out session with Jay and she seemed to of gotten more today then him... it's been wierd, lately he's been all about just pleasing her.

Whatever though.

"Or what." Emma numbly replied.

He chuckled and nodded and then cornered his eyes as her. Should he ask it? He was pretty curious... did she still have feelings for _him_?

"Gonna be awkward with vampire freak and Bam Bam there too." Jay said and tried to slide a joke in, "When are we gonna find the time to sneak around?"

Emma's heart seemed to pound at the mention of Sean and Ellie. And she means she just felt one a**wful** heavy pound on her heart, like someone had punched it.

She turned her head to Jay, and had to ask, "Why are they going? Thought they were _happy_." she seen them together, Ellie always smiling like a hopeless idiot like Emma use to when Sean fed her those promises and gave those 'love me' eyes too.

Sean was a real heart throbber...and a damn good heart breaker too.

Jay seemed to frown, noticing how dazed Emma looked as soon as he brought them up. He wondered if Alex even felt that way about him, glowing when she thought of him... pfft, probably not, who was he kidding?

Jay didn't know he wanted to hurt Emma now, or begin to tell Emma this, "They're pretty happy. In love and all that sappy shit." he said.

Emma's dazed eyes slowly turned back to numb.

"Living together.." he drifted, each word grilling into her painfully more and more, "probably doing the dirt." he smirked.

Emma seemed to look as if something popped into her head, and she sat up, tossing her hair to the other side and bit her lip thinking about it before turning and crawling over Jay.

"Oh..." he chuckled, gripping her hips and loved that she was wearing a skirt.

Her stomach turned a bit, feeling his hard on pressed into her middle through his jeans but then whimpered and moaned as he moved her hips to grind against it and feel it.

"You want it, Em?" Jay asked, sitting up a little to whisper in her ear and try to make her say yes.

Emma's eyes looked sad, but she nodded but her hands on his chest? He could feel them shaking.

He slowly nodded back at her, well unbuckling his jeans, and giving her a look as if he cared about her virginity and he'll take it easy on her.

She pulled her shirt off, since being at least use **to that** with him, but when they finally laid naked, all clothes pealed, she hated the intimacy of it as his hands ran up and down her smooth tanned arms and he gazed over her naked body on top of him with desire.

She **just **wanted it over with. The guy she planned to lose it to, already lost his, so lets get it **over** with. EMma felt herself begin to want to cry and shook her head, snapping out of it and told her mind to shut up.

Jay understood she didn't want this, long glances thing.. he just couldn't help but admire her shape and geez..her breasts were _perfect_. Girl should consider nude modeling..she was **not** the flat chest she use to be...damn. He got harder, and she felt it between her legs and bit her lip so hard she was so she drew blood and she gripped his shoulders as he positioned her and started to move in.

Emma cried out after she tried hard to grit her teeth and bare it, but it **hurt.** She cried out, and felt like maybe a bit of the sadness cried out too when she did that cause tears trickled down her eyes.

Jay noticed it, and sat up, knowing these tears were about Sean andnot just losing her virginity, "Shh." he said and wrapped his arms around her waist as she sniffed, and nodded. She appriecated his small attempt at making her feel better. She then nodded at him and wanted him to go as she felt read and he moved, sliding in and out slowly until she didn't _want_ slow and pushed him back down on his back and went a bit harder.. even though it hurt like hell but she did find herself getting off on it.

"Ohhhfuckohfuck." groaned Jay, eyes shut tight and then up, hungerily, watching her guide on top of him. First time and she was even in control.. how funny.

When they collapsed, Jay seemed to of come hard and Emma just panted.. she felt it a bit and as good as it felt, it never came. Jay figured he came before her cause she was so goddamn tight.. maybe he'd get her next time.

"Good?" Jay asked her as she crawled off and seemed to be snuffling again, trying to hide the fact she was crying again. He resisted rolling his eyes. "Em, next time wont hurt as bad."

"I know." Emma insisted, nodding and threw her shirt on.

That wasn't what she was crying about.

Was it bad Jay knew talking about Sean's sex life may of made Emma want to make hers exist? Jay would never say that out loud though and he began to dress too.

Meanwhile, Sean was up all night, not one ounce of sleep. She was out there wasn't she? With **him**. Sean didn't want to think of it, but he knew Jay wouldn't be staying around Emma long if she wasn't giving him something back..and that made him want to puke.

He turned on his back, and Ellie was passed out beside him. _They _hadn't even done it... sure they've fooled around but only girl he had sex with was Amy which was right after Emma when he felt like he was losing it, lost _her _and he completely regretted it.

Sean sighed, trying to close his eyes, but he knew he wouldn't sleep.. this? Plus the nightmares of Rick? He wasn't gonna get **any **shuteye now.

_**I know you're fine, but what do I do?  
I know you're fine, but what do I do?**_

I'm awake, and trying  
While you're sleeping like a babe  
Beside him  
I'm on the ledge while you're so  
God damn polite and composed  
And I know you see me,  
And you're making it look so easy  
What comes and goes,  
I'd go without

"Are we all here?" Snake asked, standing on the bus as he followed the last person up.

Craig fell into a bus seat that happened to be also Emma's. They may not talk much anymore but they shared a silent agreement by just looking at another nodding that they would stick together through this.. I mean.. look who the people they were stuck with?

Ellie sat more near the back and she cuddled with her bags and a Sean next to her. As oddly delighted she looked right now, he seemed completely miserable.

"Missing Jay Hogart." the bus driver to Snake

Snake frowned, but nodded when he saw Spinner snooring away near the front. Least he was here.

They waited another 10 minutes til Jay was escorted on the bus by Suave and when Sean got glimpse of him, he tightened his jaw trying to look away and hide his anger.

Jay smirked, catching Emma's eye as he passed but stupid fuckin Manning was sitting down next to her. He noticed Sean though and went to sit in the seat beside him until the bag roughly got put down there. Jay narrowed his eyes to see Sean hinting wildly that he could **not** sit near.

Looking like a guy not to fuck with today, Jay decided not to touch it and slowly walked back up the bus and just sat near Spinner. What was up Sean's ass?

He couldn't... Jay glanced at Emma, who seemed normal. No, Sean couldn't know or Emma would be acting differently too. So what was it?

"alright, here we go." Snake said and the bus started. He wanted to be the one to go with them, since after all Emma was like his daughter and he promised Spike he'd see her all the way to her new room for the next 6 weeks.

The 6 kids looked dreadful as the bus drove it's way to Henry Institution Hospital.

_**Well now there's him,  
And now there's me  
The secrets you give  
And the secrets you keep  
And nevertheless  
It's never you let  
The more that I give  
And the less that I get  
Don't tell me to fight,  
To fight for you  
After this long, I shouldn't have to**_

I know you're fine, but what do I do?  
I know you're fine, but what do I do?  
I'm awake, and trying  
While you're sleeping like a babe  
Beside him  
I'm on the ledge while you're so  
God damn polite and composed  
And I know you see me,  
And you're making it look so easy  
What comes and goes,  
I'd go without

(marianas trench_fallout)


	4. Deadly Sins

"Welcome." a woman with a doctors coat greeted when the teens got off the bus.

Emma was feeling trapped, and they all leaned on the bus. There was fences around the hospital and Emma just felt so, claustrophobic.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Snake. He gave her a reassuring smile and frowned when she gave a weak one back and tried to focus on the woman

The women had deep red hair, rather pretty actually, and wore business like clothes, blazer and a tight long skirt.

Their was these guard looking guys all dressed in white, like true psyche ward color.

"First of all.. any questions? I'm Doctor Dickson or call me Allison." the woman said.

Ellie had to raise her hand as she was feeling trapped as well, "we can leave for sure by the end of the 6th week, right?" she looked at Snake for back up.

Allison smiled softly, "_yes_, you guys aren't a harm to society just some of you _may_ be a harm to yourself."

Ellie frowned at that and turned to Sean, hoping she won't get stuck here.

Emma noticed Ellie clinging herself to Sean and she wanted to roll her eyes. The girl went around thinking she was some bad ass girl yet every decision she made was based on or with Sean.

"It's usually 1 out 5 people who have to stay a_ bit_ longer." Allison admitted, squeezing her fingers together when she said 'bit'.

Everyone looked around, and Craig muttered outloud in a paranoid way, "There's 6 of us."

Snake patted his back, trying to make him feel calm about this, Joey had told him about his bipolar disorder, "You'll be fine Craig."

Craig exhaled, nodding.

Spinner swallowed the fear in his throat though. What if it was him? He was pretty messed up now. He was the reason someone was dead, the reason why Jimmy was shot... why these people were here-

"What's the food like?" Jay asked.

Even Emma rolled her eyes at him and Sean caught that and it made him wonder.

Allison laughed, "Why don't you guys grab your bags and I'll take you now to the cafeteria? I'll explain the rules there."

The food was gross, but whatever, no better than school cafeteria school, and Allisons rules were pretty obvious rules.. no pointy objects, no fighting, no _boys _in the room after 10pm and there was **no** going outside without a guard. Great. Complete lockdown.

"Alright." Allison said at the end of it, facing the long table they all sat on.

Ellie, Sean, and Spinner sat on one side while Jay, Emma and Craig sat on the other. This made Sean facing across Emma and he tried hard to stare down or over her head at Allison.

"So, all you filled out the application and now we need you to fill out this." as she spoke, some nurses that were woman went around the table handing them papers and pencils, "Please return the pencils as soon as your done. It's a privilege to get to hold a pencil.." she explained.

Spinner snorted. What !?

Allison explained, "It shows we trust you with a sharp object and its progess." they just nodded and began to go over the sheets.

Emma read down at her paper and reached for a pencil while eyes still on it and her hand bumped into someone elses. She looked up and then her hand shot back, Sean. He looked at her with an unreadable look on his face and then looked away, grabbing another pencil.

What was with him?

Emma grabbed the pencil and began to read... same old kinda personal questions a doctor would want to know..

_Allergies? No._

_disorders: No._

_Age: 15._

_Sex:_ Yes please.

Ofcourse Emma didn't write that..but she was craving it. Seemed she seemed to whenever she felt tension or pain.

_Sex: Female. _

_Diseases: No._

_Sexual partners: ..._

Emma paused, slowly glancing up but at the corner of her eye, just to make sure nobody was looking and most important, Sean.

But as she looked down, he had done the same thing, curiosity getting the best of him as he eyed Emma on the same question he was wondering about.

'please don't put a number.' he thought.

_Sexual partners: 1_

Ellie looked up, hearing Sean's pencil break. Emma looked up and she froze, seeing him stare **right **at her paper and she gasped in sharply when he threw himself up and charged around the table.

"Sean?" Ellie asked, her eyes following him wondering what had just happened and why he was shaking in anger

Allison looked over and saw this raging boy walk around the table and she just knew by the look in his eyes that he was **not** happy, "security!" she yelled.

Sean had_ just_ grabbed Jay who didn't see him coming and Sean grabbed his collars tight in his fists.

Emma got up quickly, not understanding why he was so mad. He was suppose to be over her and this was really making her head spin, "Sean!"

He threw his fist back, sending one deadly shot to Jay face and every teen around the table cringed, hearing that nose _break._

Sean was then pulled off by three men, but Jay cursed out, clenching his eyes shut and holding his nose, "Ahh FUCK! I think it's BROKEN!" he yelled.

"good!" Sean struggled as only two men held him by both his sides and he looked like he was fighting tears back as he gritted his teeth, "suits you well since you like to break _everything_ you touch!"

Emma flinched when he looked at her next and she tried to fight back tears. Oh god, he knew. He had to of known.

Sean shoved one doctor off him and Snake tried to yell at him, "Sean! Stop!"

"This is going to get you a whole days isolation." Allison warned Sean and he spat at her feet, glaring madly.

Emma numbly turned around from the scene, and tried to distract herself as she looked down at Jay, checking his nose.

Ellie looked to Emma slowly, and back at Sean.

"Bring his bags to his room," Allison told the guards, "Where he will **stay** the rest of the night." she warned Sean, raising an eyebrow, "You're in my house now."

"Oh shucks," taunted Sean, "I can't sing, hold hands and com-ba-ya tonight?"

Spinner had to laugh, and Craig did too from across him but the guards then pushed Sean forward to lead him to his room.

Snake turned to Allison, taking a deep breath, "he's..got a temper. Real nice guy though." he insists and looks where Sean left, "Don't know what got into him."

Emma smiled weakily when Jay took her hand off his nose, insisting to her silently that it was okay and squeezed her hand.

"Yes I see that. One of the deadliest sins." Allison chimed.

Ellie stood up and walked to them, "That's my boyfriend." She said, "He's a sweet guy I swear, he w_ants _to change."

Emma tried not to look over as she heard that, but narrowed her eyes.

"yes well.." Allison glanced at Jay and slowly at the blonde girl infront of him, looking rattled up, "Something sure did _seem _to set him off."

Emma's eyes connected to Allisons when she said that and then she looked down, guilty like.

"Can I see if hes okay?" Ellie asked.

Emma sat back down, her heart peeling as if slicing apart and wishing she could go see if he was okay..but she wasn't **the girlfriend**, so why did he hit Jay?

He couldn't care. He was still with Ellie. Never even tries to _talk _to Emma. .. he must of done it out of - Emma stopped looking for a reason to why Sean would of snapped to figuring out about her and Jay, because she could start to feel and that was just a big **no no**.

She numbed herself all nice and snug and tried to finish off the rest of her sheet. She then noticed Sean's still there, open, infront of her and it also read:

_sexual partners: 1._

What a complete hypocrite. Emma angrily glared at it until it was swiped up and Ellie stood above her, glaring down. Emma swallowed a little, shocked her and Ellie were not just LOOKING at another (since they never did, they pretended the other didn't exsist) but now Ellie was actually GLARING and had caught her looking at HER boyfriends personal information. With that, Ellie turned and walked off.

Craig whistled lowly next to Emma, seeing that little scene and she shot him a look to shut up.

Then, they all were shown to their rooms. The girls were just around the corner from the guys' rooms, still allowed to socailize but I guess.. not sleep near another?

Emma was exhausted by the end of the day, and as she walked from the bathrooms back to her room, she had to pass the guys' rooms and she noticed Sean's door still shut and wondered if he was in it...still upset-

Emma gasped in sharply, someone had pulled her into a room and when the room door shut after her, Jay pushed her up against it.

"Jay." she breathed, awfully jumpy, "We can't be in anothers rooms after 10."

"Look at my nose, Greenpeace." he taunted and she looked up, it was _pretty_ bad. Jay's eyebrows raised in s_heer _amusement when Emma even lightly laughed and then stopped at his glare.

"Sorry." she said.

He pouted a bit, running his hands up her shirt, "I need you to make me feel better." he ran his hands back down and unbuckled her jeans.

Emma sighed, closing her eyes and he watched her darkly as he pushed his hands into the front of her jeans and she moaned, leaning on the door more for support as he rubbed her and then began to push down her jeans. She moved her hand to his zipper and pulled it down, grabbing his member out and just wanted to _forget_ today ever happened.

He fucked her on that door that night.

_**Hey  
You're crazy bitch  
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it  
When I dream, I'm doing you all night  
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on**_

Hey  
You're crazy bitch  
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it  
When I dream, I'm doing you all night  
Scratches all down my back, come on

(buckcherry-Crazy)


	5. One On One

Sean seemed to be _just dandy_ the next day, but not once did he looked in Emma **or** Jay's direction all day. They had their classes, which was in a room that really did look like a classroom and with a real teacher.

After classes though, was when they had to go to their 'group' share.

Nobody had anything to say.

"Nobody wants to open up today?" asked Allison, sitting in the circle.

"is that your book you write in and make diagonoses for all of us?" Spinner taunted, eyeing the notepad on her lap.

Allison tilted her head, "Does that bother you?"

Spinner chuckled, "Nice try." he joked and everyone around the circle either chuckled as well or smirked

Allison smiled and rolled her eyes, "Okay, I get it..no sharing today." she narrowed her eyes, "Not even you Sean?"

Sean was leaning back in his seat and he cornered his eyes at the doctor. Did he look very _sharing_ right now?

"Maybe later, one on one." Allison said and seemed to joke.

The end of his mouth twitched up, but not a lot and went back to it's daily frown.

Allison looked around and eyed the blonde. She seemed...quiet. Yet also seemed to be in the middle of the boy fight yesterday.

"Emma, right?" Allison asked her.

Emma snapped out of it and looked up from the hands on her lap and instantly sighed, "I don't want to talk today."

"tough." Allison said back. She wasn't trying to be rude, but she could see something was on this girls mind and she was quite curious.

Emma seemed to be taken back by that reply and she narrowed her eyes, "I **don't** think you can really force me to talk about _anything_." Emma taunted her.

Allison raised an eyebrow and Emma tensed when she saw her write something in her stupid little notepad. Sean seemed to even eye it when she did. Allison was taking it to mind though that Emma was not a typical girl.

"I'd like to talk." Ellie spoke up.

Jay chuckled a bit seeing Emma look annoyed when Ellie spoke up. Nash annoyed him too. It wasn't a shock SHE wanted to talk..

"Go ahead Ellie." Allison said.

Sean took a deep inhale, hoping to god Ellie wouldn't drag him into this.

"I don't think I belong here." she confessed and they all looked a bit shocked, "Sorry, it's just.. I wasn't involved in the shooting."

Allison nodded, but she knew Ellie's case...wrist cutter.

"Ellie, you and me both know why you are _here_." she gave her a look to end it with that, not wanting to bring up personal things right now. Not today.

"Everyone knows she slits her wrist." Jay spoke outloud.

Sean tightened his fists.

Ellie blinked and darted her eyes around at everyone who did seem..not shocked. She went completely red, trying to hide her tears and then got up, running out of the room.

"Nice going a**sshole.**" sneered Sean at Jay.

Jay snickered at him, "We all know your anger directed at me right now isn't toward what just happened." he winked at Sean.

"SEAN!" yelled Allison and Emma even sat up in her chair quickly, her palms sweating.

Sean had sat up to lunge but stopped when she yelled at him. Lastnight **sucked **being stuck in a room all night so he tried to hold himself back, plus he can see Jay may be wanting to purposely get him back into trouble.

Allison took the silence to eye between Jay, Sean, and Emma ... there seemed to be _something _there.

"Emma." Allison noticed her tensed up, "Are you okay?"

Emma looked wildly into her eyes, "F-fine." she shrugged innocently and tried to relax. Why couldn't Allison shut her friggin mouth?!

"Alright.. seems there is still a lot of.." Allison looked for a word, "Tension? Lets skip the rest of the day and start fresh tomorrow."

They all rolled their eyes but nodded and got up.

Sean was last out the door and Allison called him back, "Not you!"

Sean stopped and shut his eyes, no .. "ofcourse not." he taunted out loud and turned, sitting back in his chair and gave her a 'what?' look.

Allison glanced at the door, making sure everyone was gone, "You need a one on one today."

"nobody else has to!" he exclaimed, feeling this was unfair.

"**Nobody **else almost **broke** Jay's nose." she said, giving him a crazy look, "You cannot do that to people, Sean."

"Not even the ones who try to intentionally hurt me?" Sean snapped back but then shut his mouth. Could he say intentionally?

maybe not all the way but..they knew it'd piss him off or atleast Jay knew.

"How'd he try to hurt you?" Allison asked.

Sean tried to count to 10, rolling his eyes and sitting up, "It's just Jay alright? That's what he does. He lives off being an asshole."

"I believe that."

Her reply shocked Sean. He merely nodded and looked down.

"Is he dating Emma?" her next words made him shoot up.

"Screw this." he said, storming towards the door door

"_You _dated Emma." Allison was trying to figure out and he stopped at the door, back still turned, "You and Emma have a thing ? Am I close?" she was desperature to help Sean first.. he had a lot of anger in him

Sean slowly turned back, eyes avoiding hers but admitted, "Emma is my ex.." he finally walked back but didn't sit down, "Forever ago, never going to happen again, _over _it..**ex**." he heard himself even growl.

Allison tapped her pencil on her notepad... ah, there it was.

"Doesn't look very over." she noted and he did what she thought he would, turned..and left.


	6. Not The Same Anymore

**Pocksuppet- Suave read out the students names who wouldn't come see her and talk about the shooting and Toby wasn't named, neither was Paige so that means they probably did come see her and were trying to move on and seemed to be making progress. These are the students who are going a wall. Also Toby is mentioned a few times now, I'm not acting like he doesn't exist, he just didn't get chosen to go. The writers of Degrassi never even really showed a breakdown from him other than him fighting with J.t for one episode...**

**OTHER REVIEWERS... alright, i'll focus on this first for Semma and then after it's complete there will come the Jemma version. I'll title it FREAKS version2. on with the show!...**

The rest of the week seemed to go like that, nobody wanted to talk. . not even Ellie especially the next day after Jays out burst. By the end of the week, Emma was pretty sure Sean had completely act as if she was the psyche wards ghost.

They sat in 'art class' and Sean came in a bit late. The room was white, the windows nice and clean, showing the snow falling outside slowly. It was middle of March, crazy how it was still snowing.

"What you doin?" Sean asked.

Ellie smiled, feeing him behind her, bending to see her work on the canvus infront of her, "painting."

She loved when his moods flipped, and he pretended like everything was fine and they were the happy Sean and Ellie.

_Somebody_ seemed annoyed with it though.

Emma narrowed her eyes from the other side of the room and then tried to focus on her work, for Craig to chuckle beside her.

"You and me both huh?" he asked her, turning his canvas toward her to a stick man holding a banana.

Emma actually giggled, and it had been awhile.. it even caught everyone's attention in the room. Craig and Emma looked embarrassed, thinking everyone just looked over because of them speaking through class.

Sean was like on auto pilot as he talked to Ellie but his eyes narrowed at Emma, watching her with Craig.. _giggling_, god he hadn't hear the noise in forever.

She had lifted her canvas to show Craig and it must of been horrible or something because Craig was now trying not to laugh out loud like she had. Sean's stomach turned, wishing he had been the one to make her giggle.

Sean snapped out of it. No. He was pissed at her. . she was **somebody** else now, not **his **Emma.

Another day had gone by, and Sean sat in Allisons office, doing his one on one therapy.

"I need some air." he said with a sigh, laying on the black leather couch he couldn't help but laugh at when he had walked in.

Classic therapy session. He could hear the clock clicking too.

Allison had been writing on a note pad, and looked up, "You can leave soon." she allowed.

That didn't seem enough though as he groaned but nodded.

"So." Allison got down to it, "Make me trust you and give you another chance since the beginning of the week you really blew it."

Sean cornered his eyes but nodded. He did give a bad impression, and he didn't want to be one of those people stuck at the end when everyone else goes.

He'll play along.

"I was mad." he confirmed, smirking a little though. Clearly, that was a give in.

"Yes, at Jay.. why?" she waited but got nothing and eyed his hard face staring up at the ceiling, "Something about Emma?"

Sean clenched his jaw and tried to keep focused as he paused and took a deep breath, "Yea, something like that."

"Ellie's your girl friend isn't she Sean?"

"Ya." he said, monotone like.

"You don't seem as distracted about her as you do about Jay and Emma's relationship." she honestly said

He sat up, a bit bewildered, "They _are _in a relationship?" he figured she'd know, she talked to them.

Allison opened and closed her mouth, "N-no, sorry, I can't say that for sure I'm just going on what you say and think you saw. Sorry."

Sean nodded, eyeing glazing as he looked around the room, "He has a girlfriend." snapped Sean, "Alex. She probably doesn't know they're messing around."

"Is she a good friend?" Allison asked.

Alex? Sean snickered, "Noo, she's pretty annoying actually."

"Then why do you care?" Allison hit him where it hurts, because this wasn't about Alex, it was about him and using her name as a guard to make Allison think he _didn't care._

"What do you want me to say?" bittered Sean "That I still have old feelings for Emma? Sue me. We've known another since we were 12. I'm just mad Jay acts like my friends and goes for MY ex. They use to hate another!"

"Things change, right?" she tested him, making him realise that they did..too much, and too fast.

Sean painfully looked down and admitted, "When me and her were together, it wasn't about getting to third base, or sex, or anything about that. It was mutual respect.."

Allison couldn't tell if he knew he said the next words out loud for how dazed he looked.

"I adored her."

Allison's heart even fell, watching him look crushed and then he snapped out of it, looking at her and explained, "Then, she goes to a guy like Jay with all that respect, ad she loses it.. she's sleeping with him."

"How do you know?"

"She wrote it down on your stupid paper."

"Have you had any sex partners since her-"

"yes but-"

"Very one sided, Mr. Cameron." Allison taunted and he stared down the ground, half angry and half...understanding?

He began to look like he understood that wasn't fair of him to judge, "But it's Jay." he said lowly.

"How do you know its him? Maybe it was another boy."

"Cause Jay just **does that **to girls." Sean tried to explain, "He takes their virtue away."

"You're mad because Emma's not the same girl anymore? Not as _innocent. _You guys are still young, your 16.. she's 15. Seems like you may have been younger when you dated, so you have to realise she's not that little girl anymore and you **still** have to respect her, Sean."

No..no she wasn't that little girl anymore, she was _really_ growing into a young lady, it was painful for Sean to watch. She was always adorable to him but then she got pretty and ever since coming back this year, she was getting even prettier and every boy in school was noticing and it was eating up at Sean. And I guess he couldn't say he totally lost respect for Emma, but maybe was just a little put down.

"You seem to grow up a little after the things you've been through as well and the school shooting seems to be a big deal in that-"

Right off the bat Sean stood up, "I need air." he walked to the door.

"Sean!" she tried pulling him back but he walked out, "Sooner or later we need to talk about it!" She meant the shooting, and he knew it, but he didn't turn back.

Meanwhile, Emma woke up, like usual, getting ready, showering and taking her birth control pill.

That was awkward to ask her mom for but insisted it was for cramps, and it wasn't as awkward as asking the clerk at their local drug store for 'plan B' pill the next day after the ravine with Jay when she didn't expect to...you know, have sex with him.

Last thing on her mind though was ever **not** being safe.

"I wasn't sure you were taking those." came a voice at her door, Jay.

Emma flushed a bit, how embarressing, and looked around as she muttered, "You should of been slightly worried then if I wasn't.."

He smirked and came in shrugging and he looked around her room. It seemed bigger than his, same old twin bed though and dresser, and tv.

"Be funny though wouldn't it?" he asked.

Emma turned from her bed to give him a look of insanity, "To get pregnant? **Hilarious**." she said and he noticed the bitter sarcasm.

"I meant picturing it." Jay said and sat on the edge of her bed.

Emma paused and eyed Jay. He was seemingly...clingy lately. She didn't like it. But what else did she have? Chris was a total bust, he knew he was the rebound, and then any guy who showed feelings for her was Toby... that was never going to happen.

Least Jay was attractive but she'd never actually consider d_ating _him. Was _he _considering dating _her?_

"Little Jay Hogarts calling you Greenpeace instead of mom." joked Jay and Emma snickered, shaking her head and rolled her eyes.

"Thankfully, **that** won't happen." she taunts and he laughed but then eyed her a bit. "I'm going to go get some air." she finally said.

He stood up and she turned at the door, her mouth looking for the words.

"Alone.." she drifted and he paused but then shrugged like it was no big deal and watched her go. It looked like it was a big deal though when he seemed, hurt?

Emma took a deep inhale when she got outside and exhaled, closing her eyes. The back yard of the ward was large and had gardens and Emma hadn't breathed in the outside air in days.

"nice out, huh?" Sean asked and she gasped a bit, whirling around. He sat on a bench, literally on top instead of the part where you sit.

Emma was a bit taken back and looked around the garden to slowly look back at him, "What?" she asked, "You're _talking _to me now?"

Sean paused. She must know he flipped out over** her**. He had no excuse to cover up the fact he cared and he shrugged, trying to insist on the closest excuse that came to mind, "It was just the fact he has a girlfriend.. and you shouldn't be doing that."

Emma felt her body tense. _damn_. that was a real **good **excuse.. where was her excuse when she tried thinking of reasons other than still having feelings for her to hit Jay?

She tried to hide the embarrassment she felt. Ofcourse Sean **didn't **still want her.

Sean watched Emma sit on the grass, content with that and he smirked a bit shaking his head. She was like such a hippie with her love of the environment.. least that didn't change.

He eyed her staring around at the grass and couldn't help but hope maybe Allison was right..maybe it wasn't Jay who she had had a sexual encounter with.

He could only hope.

He couldn't help but admired yet loath how her hair was growing longer and he couldn't touch it. He loved the bangs on her too.. made her face look even softer.

He tried to speak, "How are you?"

She didn't look up, "Fine."

Sean scoffed, "don't give **me **that bullshit, I was **there**" he reminded her. Him! HE had stayed back with her when Rick came up to them with a gun.

HIM who struggled to keep her alive and lunged at Rick... and he never regretted it.

He gave her a stern look as she looked up and they connected eyes. and when he thought he saw a moment of connection she looked away, "You're not Allison, I don't _need _to share my thoughts and feelings with _you." _she taunted.

Sean looked hurt, and it clearly showed through his face as she watched the hurt in his eyes.

"You of all people, since when do you wanna** talk**?" Emma got up, annoyed, "I don't like this 'be nice to Emma' thing you have going for you this year, I don't need your pity, infact.. I liked it better when you hated me." she snapped and opened the door to go back in.

"I never hated you." he spoke up and she stopped from going inside to turn her head slightly, tilting it.

Never hated her? Since when? He sure acted like he did. Completely forgettng about her and everything they had done together, dated Amy, switched to Ellie...

Emma felt her chest begin to cave in and she wanted to slap herself for putting herself into this situation and she bittered at Sean, "gee, sorry, missed the memo and went** straight** to_ hating_ **you**."

Sean knew this, the part where she was pushing him away.. they've broken up before and she did it even then.

"No you don't. You don't hate me." he declared rather bluntly and she glared him down... he nervously looked away, "Go ahead and glare.. I can drive you mad but you won't _hate _me." he looked up slowly, "Not really."

"After **everything** you put me through you don't think I can hate you, Sean?" Emma asked in disbelief. 1) she didn't think they'd ever have this conversation but 2) she COULD hate him, a lot actually, for all the pain he caused her and how much more lost she felt during a time of need because of him and his good timing break up.

He was what costed her relationship with Chris and now, even for Jay, because it was _always _deep down about Sean!

Sean's heart fell watching her look at him like **that**. Okay.. maybe she could hate him but, "Can't we be friends?" he asked her.

Emma laughed out loud and she was impressed that she did. She hadn't laughed in ever. She shook her head at him, "Friends?" she repeated still smiling but Sean knew it was a cruel smile

Sean looked down and gulped before nodding and finding the courage to look back up at her. Allison was right, she wasn't young little Emma anymore... he wanted to get to know her again. She still had other traits he knew she'd have forever though, that he loved, like her nose flaring or her eyes that squinted when she mad at him or the way she rolled her eyes only half way when being sarcastic or how she laughed..

"Go to hell, Sean." she snapped and went inside. How DARE he want to try and be friends? They were never friends and never will be.

Sean's mouth fell but he looked where she left and nodded. He deserved that. Right then and there Sean decided that he would not quit until Emma forgave him for everything. They didn't need to be together, as happy as that was to picture, but atleast he could try to make her forgive him.

"Emma." he yelled as he ran inside and chased after her down the hall full of white walls and clean wood floors.

"leave me alone!" she snapped over her shoulder in her childish tone and got to the girls room, slamming the door on his face when she ran in.

She held it, incase he DID try to come in, she didn't know if he would.. he was shocking her so far with just this. Who the hell did he think he was?

Emma's eyes burned with tears, waiting to hear his feet walk away and choked on a cry when he finally did.


	7. You Dated Me

"Hi Craig."

Craig sat up in the leather chair, boredly tapping his finger on his boot as one was folded on the couch and the other one on the ground.

"Hi." he shot back at Allison with a bit of sarcasm. He'd been here in the room for two minutes now.

"I'm glad you came." she admitted.

He just nodded and looked around the fancy office. Diplomas on the wall, pictures of family, dark wood walls. .

"Craig you've recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, correct?"

"You're the doctor." he shot back.

Allison bit back a smile and tilted her head, "Right." she hopped to it, "so that's why it's so wierd that nobody has seen you break down or show a sign of how you're hurting inside over what happened."

"Wait I'm here because I _didn't _break down?" Craig snickered.

"That's a breakdown waiting to happen." she explained, "Bottling it in-"

"Only leads to exploding, yada yada." Craig stood up, "You think I should cry? I'm happy, Jimmy was okay, I found him yeah and that sucked but if I'm feeling anything it's **anger.** I wish I had the guts to go back to the time Rick was still here and-" he stopped, seeing Allison was writing things down and he grabbed it.

She gasped but let him rip it up.

"nothing you write down with erase what happened!" he yelled at her.

Allisons eyes stared like a deer in the headlights. This was normal for a boy with this disorder but he had shocked her since he had been so nice and calm until now.. but it was progress honestly.

There was movement in the door and Ellie stood there, trying to leave without being noticed.

"Craig." Craig said, rolling his head back when he saw her. She'd probably go tell everyone now, think he was a freak.

Ellie jumped back when she turned but he had stormed out and passed her.

She didn't mean to come in at a bad time, it was just her time to go in. She watched him til he was out of site, slamming the door of his room shut.

"Okaayy." sang Allison, now sitting in the group circle the end of the day, "Who needs to talk?" she looked around and saw no volunteers.

Ofcourse. Well, it had been a long day for her too.

Spinner raised his hand, "I'd like to comment that this place **sucks**."

They all snickered.

Allison gave a short laugh and she closed her notepad, "I can see we are going nowhere today and frankly Spinner and Jay, you two are also going nowhere far from here since the both of you haven't come to talk at your one on ones."

"But i like sharing t_ogether._" Jay said sarcastically.

Allison bought it and looked at Spinner for his excuse, he looked down sadly, not having one.

"I'd like to say something." Craig admits and they all looked a bit shocked and he nodded, looking around back at them but hard on Ellie, "I think we need to all promise another that what goes on in here, _stays_ here." his voice was rough, but Ellie could see in his eyes he was pretty afraid of what she may of heard today.

They all nodded and Ellie seemed to long on him as she nodded slowly back at him. As bad as Ash made Craig out to be and how much she did wanna hate him, she couldn't disagree with the fact he was just another human being, going through his emotions. Plus, Ash looked like she was on the Craig ride again .. Ellie wondered if they were going to date again.

They called it a day, and when the teenagers were basically all by themselves with just a few guards at night, Allison and other therapists had gone home.

Emma stayed up late, and she sat in what they called the living room. It was set up like one, couches and a tv. She wore black shorts and a baggy white shirt, her hair naturally a little wavy as it ran down her shoulders.

She held a sketchbook from art, they didn't LET her take it but she wanted to keep trying to draw.

Why didn't she have the skills to do so?

Why was **Ellie **so good at it?

"Hey." came **his **voice and Emma nearly jumped out of her skin, looking up to see Sean coming around and sitting on the couch with her.

Couldn't sleep either huh? Emma pushed away her curiosity and got back to her snappy remarks, "There are 4 other couches, you know."

Sean just tiredly yawned and laughed a little, sitting with her anyways and shrugged.

Emma sat up and shifted a bit and thats when she let her guard down, Sean had looked over and quickly took her book, "What's this?"

"Sean!" She snapped and sat up to grab it from him but he reached his arm out, to hold it away as he looked.

She blushed, looking down and not wanting to see his reaction but then snuck a glance up, seeing him really taking the time to eye her little duck she drew.

"It's ugly." he had to admit, smirking and eyes cornering at her playfully.

Emma shot her knee up and kicked him on the side of his ribs and he dropped the book, "Ow." he laughed though, rubbing the sore that she got..

Guess he deserved that too.

Emma grabbed the book and closed it, "your ugly." she commented, and he laughed. Both of them knew he definitely wasn't, but it was an adorable try.

"You dated me." he reminded and shrugged for them to then stop and freeze.

...did he _really _just bring that up?

Emma changed the subject, keeping her eyes down at her book, "I was just bored, so thought Id draw." she snapped.

She tried to push all the memories of them away that were flooding through her mind as he reminded her, though didn't **need** to, that they dated. The times he held her hand to dates, the first date they ever had, making him go through g_arbage_ to find her wallet.. god, where did the young love ever end?

"You were never the artist." breathed Sean, leaning back and smirked, "That was me."

"Vandalising on walls with spray paint isn't being an artist, that's a juvenile." she shot back and he was amused with how much she was making him smile.

It's felt like it'd been forever, to REALLY smile, and doing it so wide that those dimples called out to Emma and she softened a bit.

"You were more a verbal artist." he reminded.

Emma stopped and blinked. She was?

"And performance." his eyes fell on her with such a dark playful look, knowing she was going to blush as she remembered the old days when she use to dance, a bit embarrassingly, and even dressed as animals. He'd seen it, it killed him, he loved her since.

Emma wanted to die of embarrassment but felt the butterflies dance in her stomach.. he was right, she was that kind of artist. She bit her lip for hard from smiling at him, screaming at herself not to but all the old animal costumes she use to wear when she was 12 came flashing through her head and she even laughed.

He looked shocked, but happy she laughed, and then smirked when he saw that blush come. See? He still knew her pretty well.. he just needed to get to know her new traits.

She finally sighed at the end of her laugh, and leaned her head on the couch.

"Tired?" he asked.

She nodded, not looking at him though. She couldn't believe they were _talking _and not fighting right now.

He seemed to lean back more in his spot too by Emma's feet, since she more curled around the corner of the couch.

"Do-"

Sean turned his head toward her, seeing she was going to ask him a question and he may know what it is.

_Do you have nightmares_..

He didn't even need to speak, connecting eyes with Emma and just enjoying the silence and mutual understanding as her eyes felt a bit heavy and didnt want to sleep... the nightmares is why she never did. But oddly, by his side, she felt herself dozing off.. he kept talking about stupid cars and his grades at school and she tried to focus but she finally gave into sleep.

It was incredible, for someone who barely slept anymore. She was out like a light.

"at least I'm passing auto shop tho-" he stopped talking as he glanced at Emma and turned to his head to fully look at her.

She had fallen asleep.

How deep she looked as well, well she hadn't slept in ages and he knew the feeling. He had been bantering and she could even sleep through his voice.. she must of been REAL tired.

Sean swallowed, looking around a bit nervously but didn't want to leave, even if she was asleep and he got a bit more comfy, and his eyes narrowed to watch her. Her breath steady, a quiet sleeper as usual, and curled around herself so fragile like that he wanted to just wrap his arms around her **so bad**.

Next morning came, and there was a slight cough. Sean woke up, having a bit of Emma's blanket now and Emma still passed out beside him.

Oh shit..he had fallen asleep and it looked like he had gotten more than an hour...a few actually! He gazed up as Emma fluttered her eyes open and both their eyes widened.

Allison stood with her morning cup of coffee, raising an eyebrow at them as they looked back at another, noticing they had fell asleep on the couch.

Sean got up, "Uh" his eyes looked bewildered, "I.." he just shook his head, feeling quite stupid right now...or even shy. Jesus only Emma could make this tough guy **shy**.

He walked off, quickly, as Emma sat up from the couch,and bit her lower lip nervously as she patted down her bed head hair as she looked back up to Allison.

Allison bared a smile trying to forget what she saw, "Think it's time for your one on one."

Usually Emma was quiet and just sat there but today, she was rambling..

"It was nothing and I'm _really _sorry, I know the rules. It won't happen again. He wasn't even suppose to wake up and come out. I thought everyone was asleep. I didn't MAKE him do it. I actually don't know why he did." Emma sucked in abreath, having to breath and then pushed the sketchbook out to Allison, "I also stole this." she confessed it like a crime and had fear in her eyes.

Allison laughed softly, pushing it back toward Emma across her desk, "Keep it. It helps."

"I'm not a visual artist.." drifted Emma, Sean's words messing and playing in her mind, "I'm a verbal one.."

a_nd performance,_ another voice in her head added, sounding like Sean and she felt her heart skip and then pushed it all away.

"Can I go?"

Allison tilted her head, seeing that light in Emma's eyes that she seemed to wake up with, was going and the tone of her voice was cold again.

"you're the type of person who cares alot, aren't you Emma?"

"Maybe about dolphins." Emma joked, not wanting to go into her 'caring' history with Allison. She'd been TOO caring, gave people TOO many chances.

"I don't believe that. Actually your Dad told me alot about you, you had quite the spirit he said. Were an activist, ran protests, _passionate_."

"Key word, were." Emma shot back.

Allison shook her head, not liking that a pretty girl who had a bright future, was being to look so cold and numb.

"Still are, deep down." Allison corrected, "You just shined through a minute ago..now suddenly you're back to the-" she stopped herself, wondering what she should call Emma's bad side.

"Cold hearted bitch?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow and got up when she saw Spinner peak into the door, "Times up." she smiled fakely to Allison and stormed out.

Allison flicked her tounge and looked where Emma was, amazed. That girl could really hold her feelings in.. didn't mean it didn't show what was effecting her.

"Hi." Spinner said, snapping her out of it and looking actually shocked to see him.

"You came." she said.

He looked down and nodded.

She tilted her head, seeing him looking like he was battling his thoughts as his eyes stared down and tons of emotions flew threw him.

"You don't have to speak, we can just sit." insists Allison, noticing Spinner had _alot _to actually say.. he just didn't know where to start.

He took a breath, relaxing to that and nodded.


	8. Where Did I Go Wrong

"Morning everyone." Allison said.

They sat in their circle and Sean looked down when Ellie took his hands into her lap, squeezing it. What's with her? Every damn time she came out of a one on one with Allison, she'd be so clinged to him

Emma quickly looked away when Sean looked up from also looking at his hand in Ellies but then looked up at her. Her heart pounded, hoping he didn't see it.

She sat between Craig and Jay, and leaned to Jay's side now .. why ? She didn't know. Ok.. maybe she was trying to make somebody jealous.

"Spinner, today, has something to say." Allison told them. Spinner was looking down, shaking a little and fighting tears.

"You alright there, Spinster?" joked Jay, insisting Spinner was going to break down soon or start swaying back and forth like a mental patient.

"Everyone please take this seriously, this is going to be a big break through for him.." Allison confirmed and nodded to Spinner who nodded back for the help, "..he's finally releasing a secret and going to work on the pain of that secret."

Jay's eyes snapped at Spinner. Was he going to tell everyone about them causing the shooting? Now? And he was breaking down this fucking soon? WHAT THE FUCK! He sat up on the edge of his seat.

Spinner began, "Before the shooting.. Rick was at the game show where.. the feathers and paint thing happened."

Jay was **sure **Spin wouldn't bring him down with him. He looked to Emma though, watching her watch Spinner confess this and his mind started to shout at him to attack Spinner before she found out.

"Me, Jay and Alex set that prank up." there it was.

Emma stiffened.

Ellie's mouth hung.

Craig's mouth dropped until anger stirred in him and Sean glared as madly but not so much at Spinner, who was showing signs of **deep **regret.

Sean's eyes shot at Jay as Spinners voice went on, "We _made _him snap, and in the bathroom, we blamed it on Jimmy when we knew Rick was in there."

Spinner looked ashamed, and tried to look at Craig to explain **why **he could do that to a _friend_, "I didn't think he'd _bring_ a **gun** to school."

Craig looked like he had betrayed or something and he whispered, "You son of a-"

"Craig. He's trying." Allison reminded him, "he's sorry."

Craig shot up, kicking the chair behind him, "Jimmy got shot because of them!" he yelled, glaring hatefully at Jay and Spinner but more at Spin.

He was suppose to be their friend.

Meanwhile, during this, nobody seemed to watch Sean's anger getting out of control. So much for getting better..

Jay had his eyes looking anywhere but at Sean, and a lot at Emma who seemed to say and do nothing but stiffly sit in that chair and he knew Sean was ready to go kill him.

And that he tried, shooting up from his chair and lunging right at Jay, actually wrapping his hands around his throat and pulling him off the chair and onto the ground with a thud.

"HELP ME IN HERE!" Allison yelled out the door and men ran in.

"Get off me!" Jay yelled under Sean who bent over, choking him and Jay was actually turned purple and tried to reach up to Sean's face, to punch him, but the air was running short and the anger that poured in Sean's eyes had weakening him. Sean looked _murderous._

Sean was grabbed off, and he knew by who, his friends the security ofcourse.

"Way to go Sean." snapped Allison at him, following him and the security out of the room, "Back to square one."

Sean panted madly, being dragged to his room and he shot Allison a glare. Allison stopped and watched them throw Sean in and he kicked his night table by his bed hard and it fell to the ground with a loud bang..

Yeah, Allison agreed it was a natural thing to do when you find your friend was a cause in something like this, but with Sean she was really trying hard to change him. He had such deep inner pain.

Back in the room, Jay had still been on the ground, rubbing his throat and trying to breath.

Emma was looking at the door Sean got dragged out of, and she wasn't even getting up to help Jay. Was she mad? She wasn't even _moving_. Not even a flinch.

Ellie even seemed to get up and go over to him, and Craig and Spinner couldn't help but notice and watched her go to Jay.

"I wish Sean had done worse to you." she spat at him.

Jay sneered up at her but shut his mouth and looked down

She went on, pointing back at Spinner, "At least he shows regret and pain, you show _nothing._" she snickered in disbelief, tearing up herself, "You're a _monster."_

Jay watched her turn and storm out, and Craig gave them one last more glare before going to follow Ellie but stopped at the door.

"Emma?" he asked, seeing if she was coming or alright. This must be effecting her in ways too.

Emma stayed still, his voice not even sounding to her ears. She stared at the place on the middle of the ground she had been staring at since Sean got dragged out.

Craig frowned but left and Spinner swallowed hard, slowly rising from his chair. He moved, zombie like, to the door but stopped and also turned to Emma.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, tears in his eyes.

That, Emma heard, and looked up, titling her head at him curiously but not saying anything nor even blinking. The movement seemed to tense Spinner up.. she looked so broken. He looked down and sniffed, leaving her and Jay alone.

Jay had crawled up, and he stood behind her, catching his breath. He stared down at the blonde head and waited, but she wouldn't speak.

Emma knew his eyes were on her, she felt dirty.. always did when he looked at her. He really was some kind of monster, she'll give Ellie that much... but for some reason she liked that because only a monster could accept the broken monster she was becoming. Right?

"You started it." she spoke up and he tensed, "How could I of not known.." she seemed to even giggle.

Anyone could tell she had lost it now. _Laughing_ at _this_?

He tried to keep some hope, and laughed a little too though knew it wasn't suppose to be funny but he didnt want her to give up on him like Alex seemed to be, and Spinner had and Sean would never ever even look his way again.

"Why am I not shocked it was you." she said, standing up and turning, raising an eyebrow.

Jay sighed, and put his hands on her hips and went to nuzzle her neck, but she stepped out of it, giving him a dark look for that.

"We **don't **do that." she snapped at him.

Jay swallowed and she shook her head at him and he asked, "Is our...arrangement, done?"

"No." she shrugged, emotionlessly and explained, "I just meant the touchy crap. We don't do that."

He smirked and nodded and took her hand, "You wanna... go to my room?" ..

Emma looked distant in her eyes and she felt the pain and dirtyness crawling through her skins like bugs but then nodded. They went. He pushed deeper into her as usual, and Emma grit her teeth, lying on her back and clawing his back as she tried to fight the tears.

_**Let him know that you know best  
'Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
Pray to God, he hears you  
And I pray to God, he hears you**_

Spinner sat up in his bed, crying and covered his face, trying to stop but shook his head.

Sean leaned against the door of his room, no energy to even _go_ to bed.

Ellie stayed up wide away too, which was unusual, taking in everything that had happened and was happening.

Craig laid on his bedroom ground, staring up at the ceiling

_**And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**_

(the fray)


	9. Not Ready

"Hey.'' Ellie whispered, waking Sean up.

He opened his eyes and jumped a bit to then look up at her and around them. Oh right, this hell hole.

"So wierd not being able to sleep in the same room with you." Ellie said with a small smile.

Sean nodded, but he had to admit, he was glad to have a bed to himself for once. Maybe that's how he got to sleep last night.

"We have a few hours before class." Ellie told him

"Ok." he breathed, stretching his arms and then raised an eyebrow when she put her hand on his knee.

"You wana.." she drifted, a small gleam in her eyes and Sean looked unreadable, "You know." she blushed, wishing he understood.

He got it. And no, she didn't mean have sex or anything but just mess around. He frowned but scratched the back of his head.

How do you say no to your own girlfriend.

Ellie laid under him now, and he shut his eyes, kissing her. She held one of his hands as he laid over her and as they made out heavily, she laid it against her stomach, wanting him to roam up her shirt.

Sean's breathing was unsteady.. he never had _this _hard of a time to be make out with Ellie, sure usually he had voices in his head reminding him of someone but he easily got to forget for just a little while and enjoy it. He felt her hand even begin to guide his up her own shirt.

Jesus Cameron, pull it together.

He shut his eyes hard, almost painfully and moved his lips with hers and she moaned when he finally moved his hand around under her shirt and gripped one of her breasts. They were fine, good size..whatever... but Sean noticed she was noticing he wasn't getting worked up or very into it

Ellie repeated in her head to keep going, she had to pull him back into her, _once again_ she was losing to a girl who wasn't even the one laying under his body right now, BEGGING him to use her.

How pathetic, a voice taunted in her head.

"Sean." she whispered, pushing his wrist down and he stopped, thinking she wanted to as well, but she then looked down, and pushed his hand a bit more near the buttons of her jeans.

He slowly unbuckled them and a voice shouted in his head to stop but then the darkside of him reminded that someone was fucking somebody else out there, so why not? He tried to enjoy it, and he laid over Ellie as he pushed his fingers into her.

She moaned and whimpered, but it's not what she meant, though he was so damn good at this. She pulled the back of his head down to her, sharing a kiss but then she leaned up to the side of his face and whispered.

"I'm ready.'' she said. She wanted to have sex.

Sean's eyes shot open and he shot back, his hands leaving Ellie and just laid there over her until slowly getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, putting his feet down on the floor.

His eyes held many emotions, shock, surprise, thankfulness, but also a bit of rejection. Ellie just to sit up and from behind, she wrapped her arms around him and ignored the fact she felt him tense up.

"I don't want to hurt you." he declared

Ellie shook her head, kissing the back of his neck, "It's going to hurt either way." she giggled.

It's not what Sean meant... he ran a hand down his face and turned his head a bit to narrow his eyes at her, "This isn't the place to do it."

"Sean." she sat back on the bed and he turned, she snapped bitterly, "You had no problem just a second ago."

"that's different. You want your first time to be in a psych ward?" he seemed to even taunt, and that stung her

He must of thought she was crazy...maybe she was being crazy.

He put his head into his hands.. She may of been ready, but he wasn't. . actually lately he was losing it more than before.

The door opened, and both of them gasped and turned, and Snake turned his head to look away from them, "Sean, Ellie." he said rather sternly.

Ellie looked down and gasped loudly, buttoning her jeans up and pulled her shirt down.

"not appropriate." Snake taunted and waited another second to turn.

Sean wanted to sneer back to the guy to go tell that to his daughter, but he got distracted and shut up when he saw the devil herself behind him, talking to her mother and Allison, and all the women seemed to be looking inside and eyes wide at what they saw.

Sean's mouth fell, watching Emma's eyes turn from shock at what she was seeing, to embarrassment when she then caught his eyes and both were hyperventilating to the fact she had seen this and it _wasn't _what it looked like..not **really**. He stood up when he was it, it, Emmas eyes had _flashed _a sting of hurt that she then tried to hide by turning and walking away.

Sean couldn't believe it and his heart pounded wildly, she looked like she _cared_.

"Emma!" Sean yelled and ran straight passed Mr Simpson and ran after Emma.

Ellie's mouth fell and even Snake blinked, shooting a glance at her and watched Sean run out after his stepdaughter... wrong way, Cameron, your girlfriends in here?

Snake coughed awkwardly, nodding to Ellie, "It's friends and family visitation day. You got someone here to see you." he smiled.

She frowned deeper though and snapped the wrist band around her wrist.

Sean couldn't find Emma and he went everywhere, stopping as he opened the back door of the ward to the yard she usually was in but she wasn't there either. He rolled his head back, closing his eyes and then kicked the open door he held and it smacked against the wall of the building before he turned and went back inside.

Around the buildings corner, outside, like he had thought.. Emma stood there, hiding and up against the wall. Her eyes were blood shot and she was hiding from him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

t_his isn't fair , you weren't suppose to still love him anymore. Not after everything!_ Many shouting was heard in her head, fighting her demons and conscience and trying to ignore her heart.

She slid down the wall when she heard him go and collapsed on the ground as the wind blew threw her hair and she loudly cried this time, pulling her knees up to his chest.

What would he want with her anyways? Him and Ellie seemed happy and lovey dovey and she had been told by Jay that Sean was having sex with Ellie but **seeing **it in action was probably the final down fall. Sean wanted Ellie, why would he want Emma? What'd she have? What was she? Nothing but a slut now, Jay's toy? A broken damaged mess.

Emma shut her eyes tight, leaning her head down on the top of her knees and choked on her cries, trembling as she did.

This wasn't fair that he was making her feel again, it wasn't.. she had to stop it.

Meanwhile..

"Marco." smiled Ellie as she came to the cafeteria. There was a group of people in there, to see them. . and she was happy to see her best friend.

"Hey El." smiled Marco, sitting up as she sat across the table from him and he couldn't hold it down, immeditately asking, "how are you?"

She smiled weakily, "I'm alright.." she lied.

Marco knew it, but tried to change the subject as he glanced at Craig and Ellie followed his lead and she glanced at him longingly. He didn't look moody today, he seemed happy to see his Step dad Joey and his sister Angela. Ellie melted a little watching Craig interact with his little sister and how much he grinned while doing so.

"Ash is here." Marco said.

Ellie felt a flash of disappointment. Wait, why? She shook her head, "Good. Where is she?" she asked. Her and Marco were the only ones she told about going here.

Not even her mother.

If she saw her mom here the ward would probably even want to force her in here too.

"One visitor at a time if you aren't family.." he explained.

She oh'd and nodded slowly and shrugged, "Well we can hang a bit and then we can switch up. You can see Craig."she smiled, seeing Marco glance worriedly at his friend again.

"Im sick and worried about you guys." he admitted and leaned over closer, "and mostly him.. they aren't, going hard on him right ? Cause he is bipolar.. it's not his fault."

"He's doing okay." Ellie shrugged but snuck a glance at Craig. He wasn't doing horrible at least, and now look at him, happier as ever now that he was seeing his family.

She dazed out, watching him smile and laugh.

Sean sat at one of the tables but unlike everyone else, he sat alone... don't be so shocked, he's been alone quite a while.

He turned his head and his eyes laid on Emma, coming into the lunch room and he wanted to get up, as she looked a mess, but she was going to her mother who sat at a table. He watched Spike get up, and Emma seemed to crash into her arms and Sean just wished in agony that those were his arms.

Was she upset over what she saw? No... Sean insisted, she was probably just missing her mom now. The two were close.

He looked down, a bit sad and disappointed. He may of been alone for awhile but when he was with Emma, **she** made him feel not alone.. like _she _took care of him.

He looked up as he noticed the chair across from him move out, and down sat Snake.

He didn't mean it to come out rude but asked, "What do you want?"

Snake nervously folded his hands on the table and then he leaned forward, "Visiting you." he confirms.

Sean shut his eyes for a second, not wanting the pity, "Thanks but I'm fine, and we know you're here for _Em_" the nickname stung him as soon as he said it, and he gritted his teeth as he felt the hurt turn in his stomach

He felt like he was losing his mind by how much more he was beginning to miss Emma. Maybe it was because atleast in school, he wasn't trapped, he can leave..but here, he had to face it. Here, he was locked up with her

"I'm here for **all **of you." Snake sternly said, catching Sean's attention, "And Sean, I had been through a lot with you." he whispered and gave him a look that Sean understood..it basically said 'cut the shit out, you're talking to me'

Sean's shoulders dropped and he looked like he had given up, "I can't be in here Mr.S. **It's **driving me crazy."

"Or, its trying to take the crazy out of you.." Snake pointed out.

That kinda made sense to Sean.

Snake licked his dry lips, leaning closer and whispered, "I told your parents where you are."

Sean's eyes flashed in anger, "You what?!"he yelled. Everyone looked around and Snake tried to give them all a gesture that it was okay.

Emma even looked over from the corner of the room, glancing between them.

Sean tried to lower his voice, "You said you wouldn't t-tell anyone." he looked at Snake betrayed like, "You lied to me!" he couldnt believe it. He had trusted Snake..

Snake softened, "Sean, I'm trying to help you and they have the right to know. They're **so proud** of you for doing this."

"I don't care about making _them_ proud." sneered Sean.

He went to get up and go but sighed and shut his eyes. _1, 2, 3, 4, ... _he took a deep breath and sat back down. Snake raised an eyebrow..Sean was trying. That was interesting.. not even Emma looked like she had changed in even the slightest since arriving.

"Is this you telling me that they're here?" Sean asked.

Snake shook his head, "I wouldn't do that you."

Funny, Sean believed him.

"but they'd like to come they said. Even your brother wanted to, together."

Sean smiled, snickering and shaking his head, "Wow, the whole fam." he joked. It'd been a looong time since they were all together.

"You interested?" Snake asked but Sean stayed quiet.

That night, when the lights were out and everyone going back to bed, Craig stayed up and softly played guitar with his door slightly opened. Allison had let Joey come and bring it to him..really did seem to lighten his mood.

Ellie had gone to the bathroom, and she heard the music, and she couldn't help but be drawn to it. She slowly went toward the room it played in and already knew who could of been playing it.

Craig.

He did it with such ease, and the notes were soft and beautiful, night time worthy. She softly smiled, and maybe she had given a short laugh or something because he stopped and turned.

Her eyes widened, and she went to say sorry. They locked eyes and she quickly turned around, running back to her room.

Craig blinked, and looked where she once stood. He couldn't help but slowly start to play the song he was playing again, only louder.

_Maybe she'd hear it._


	10. The Cause Of My Pain

"I thought I'd try something new." Allison said, sitting with JUST the guys.

Spinner looked at Jay on one side of him and Sean the other, and Craig on the other side of Sean who didn't wanna be near him.

This was **so **awkward.

"So... Ellie and Emma are going to like, have a girl therapy session with you?" Craig asked.. for some reason curious.

She nodded.

Spinner tried to lighten the mood, nudging Sean a bit, "What do you think they'll talk about Sean?"

Sean bit the end of his cheek and tried not to smirk. Spin can be such a dumbass sometimes.

"Shes pretty over him." came Jay's mutter about Emma, but he knew he wanted to Sean to hear, _hoped he did_

Sean narrowed his eyes darkly but knew he couldn't say or do anything, it'd look wierd. He was also trying this new thing where he tried not to hit anybody.

Didn't stop him from speaking up though..

"I **can't **believe it took me this long to see how much of a **loser** you are." sneered Sean, not looking at him but Jay knew he was talking to him.

Jay grit his teeth, and heard Mannings chuckle.

Spinner awkwardly shifting between them all and raised his hand and Allison nodded at him, "Since everyone already hates me here... I say I should be the one to maybe start today?.. I _feel_.. sad today."

Craig rolled his eyes.

"How do you feel Jay?" Allison asked him.

"Bored." he commented.

"Give me a real emotion Jayson. Happy, sad, angry.." she drifts.

Jay narrowed his eyes at Sean sitting two chairs down, "I'm **pretty damn **happy actually Allison."

"why's that?" she asked.

"Because I got what I want." he informed.

She raised her eyebrows, "And what's that? Low self esteem?" she could feel it radiating off of him.

The three guys bellowed as Jay growled and bittered, "Low self esteem? I can get any girl I wanted, I have **exactly** the one I want now."

Sean crossed his arms in his chair, trying **real **bad to stay seated in it.

"She probably just _loves _your attitude about it." comments Allison, sighing deeply. She couldn't help but eye Jay as something came to mind, "How many girls you say you go through a month?"

Jay shrugged, thinking there was no need for modesty, "A few months ago maybe id go through a few girls each month. Been fine the last two months with just two girls." he spoke a bit higher, "Been fine the past two weeks with just _one girl."_

Spinner and Craig even questioned it. Last two weeks? With a girl here? It couldn't be Ellie... their eyes widened when they understood just who he meant.

And Sean just sounded like he _growled_.

"I **need **to leave." Sean told Allison and she nodded, watching him quickly get up and go. That was improvement instead of tackling Jay

"Holy.." Craig drifted off. Jay and Emma?!

"shit." finished Spinner.

Jay sneered at them and turned back to Allison who couldn't help but keep an eye on him, "Why do you think Sean left?"

"Cause it's his ex.." snickered Jay.

"Aren't you two friends?"

"Were."

"You really would end your friendship over a girl?"

Jay snapped and sat up, "I didn't know he was still _obsessed _with her."

"He's made it clear to you the past few days, he still has feelings." Allison shot back. It couldn't be fully Jay's fault though, Allison had admitted, she was seeing signs in him she's seen in patients before. She wondered how he'd act to it.. she'll bring it up another day.

"Well I'm not stopping." Jay bittered.

"Your an asshole." Craig said, leaning over to glare directly at Jay.

"And you're an angel." Jay taunted, rolling his eyes. The guy who cheated on some fugly girl with someone else and got her pregnant..

Spinner snapped at him, lowering his voice because he didn't really want their doctor to hear, "It's _Sean _and _Emma_. They've always been the couple too walk on egg shells with. You **knew** Sean wouldn't like it, over her or not."

Jay looked around, trying to ignore that bad feeling in his stomach and shot back, "You just worry about your own issues."

"Emma's clearly going through shit and you're taking adventage." Craig spoke up and Spinner nodded.

"Oh, you guys are teaming up against me?" laughed Jay, "Cute. So we're all buddies again?" he asked, looking between them.

Spinner saddened, because he knew they weren't and felt Craig's glare move from Jay to him before he got up and left.

Allison took a deep breath. Wow. These students really had lots of drama.

Now..for the girl session.

"Can you please tell her to stop." Emma asked, annoyed and ready to snap, just like Ellies rubber band around her wrist.

_**Snap...snap, snap.. snap.**_

"Ellie." Allison finally said, giving the redhead a look that that was enough.

Ellie scoffed, and looked away from her and Emma to stare longingly at the door, just wanting to leave. She was here to talk, yet, the person who was to blame for Ellie's pain was sitting right next to her.

"Who wants to talk.." Allison wasn't shocked when Emma avoided her eyes.

Ellie sat up, "I had another dream.." she'd been talking to Allison one on one about this, "And I was better, y_ou _cured me." she laughed but her eyes looked sad because she knew she wasn't, "and then I decided went I went home, that I'd cut again."

Emma shut her eyes tight, running her hand over her forehead and trying to keep it together. **WHY **would you tell a doctor that?! Thats just asking for a longer stay at the coo-coo house.

"Why do you cut, Ellie?" Allison asked this every day, and there was different reasons every day.

Ellie looked down this time and didn't want to speak like this with Emma beside her "I don't know."

"She knows." Emma rolled her eyes, hating being here and this is just going to drag her night on.

"Emma." Allison shot her a look.

"I have problems in my life, Emma." Ellie finally snapped at her, turning in her seat to look more directly at the blonde beside her.

Emma rolled her pretty brown eyes, looking at Allison thought as she spoke to Ellie sarcastically, "Do you? All this time, I thought the rest of us **all** had problems."

Ellie could be the whinest girl Emma had probably ever seen. Yeah it sucked her Dad was in the army but at least he wasn't dead...or in a mental institution. Emma then realised, like father like daughter, and she laughed out loud. Oh my god.. .she was like Shane.

Allison eyed Emma who seemed to be in thought and laughed to herself, and Allison worried, wondering what was going on with her

Ellie thought Emma was laughing at her, and her blood boiled, "My boyfriend, **look**s at other girls."

Emma snapped out of it and went over what Ellie said. Sean looked at other girls ? _What _other girls? She couldn't help but wonder.

She had no idea Ellie had meant only her.

"Did you think you were dating a saint?" Emma taunted with her nose held high, like she _knew _Sean wasn't and Ellie was dumb for thinking so.

Allison looked between the girls intensely. She'd never seen them socialize..this was a lot.

"Your _life threatening_ problem should be about **your life**, not a damn stupid boy." Emma seemed to sneer but also was kinda speaking to herself too. But Ellie was worst...claiming to cut because of a boy.

"easy for you to say since you're the other girl he's always staring at!" Ellie yelled and stood up, madly looking down at Emma but tears also in her eyes and ready to cry. She turned, and fled out, shaking with tears and not believing she had **finally **told Emma.

Allison looked and saw Emma numbly sitting there, only, little bit of emotion was pouring through her eyes, _just a little hint of it_, and there was some regret. Probably for hurting Ellie. And there was some confusion.. .but then Allison saw a SMALL hint of.. happiness.

"Are you happy you just heard Sean may still have feelings for you?" Allison asked.

Emma jumped, completely forgetting she was in the room, and she lied, "No." but Allison saw through her.

"Are you dating Jay?"

"God no."

Allison usually didn't do this, but she warned Emma, "I had a session with just the boys today... Jay came clean about the relationship he has with you."

Emma's mouth fell and she couldn't believe her ears. He WHAt?!

"There is no relationship!" Emma exclaimed and felt, felt a_ngry_, why the hell was she feeling and why the hell was Jay telling people this!? How could he! Infront of all the guys...

Emma started to notice herself breath funny, and she felt herself wanting to cry and Allison leaned forward, putting a hand on Emma's knee, "It's **okay **to cry." she promised.

Emmas eyes widened. No, she **wouldn't cry**.. She pushed her hand off her and ran out, her hand covering her mouth from letting herself cry or letting anybody see.

Her plan back fired as she bumped _hard_ into another body, that sent her back but atleast up against a wall..but unfortunately, that wall had a nail sticking up.

Sean had bumped into her and his eyes widened when he looked up at her, and she looked a wreck... Craig had told Sean he saw Ellie crying.. but his heart was telling him to stay with Emma right now and he went to apologise for bumping into her when she seemed to stumble and cringe on the wall she was smacked back against accidentally.

if she wasn't so tiny, he wouldn't of been able to do that. He felt bad.

But as she looked down instead of glaring at him (which she usually did), he noticed something wasn't right when she looked down at herself and stepped away from the wall, holding the side of her lower back.

She brought her hand back to look at it when she felt something wet. Blood. Horror spilled out of Sean's eyes when he saw it and he grabbed her when she went to take a confused step back and her face flushed. She had never been good with blood.

He worried, wondering what she was bleeding from and where and how deep. With one protective arm around her, and whispered sweet nothings to her, insisting, "Your okay, your alright. Lets fine a nurse" he sneered as he carefully guided Emma, "Where's a **fucking **nurse?!" he yelled out to the empty hall way.

Ofcourse when they needed guards to pull him away from a fight, but when someone was in NEED of help? Nobody in goddamn site.

"You're okay," the nurse told Emma, who sat on a nursing table and had her shirt half raised as the doctor patched Emma up, "A bit of a pierce through the skin, but no need for stitches."

Sean seemed to let a relief of breath out, sitting over by the chairs on the wall to Emma's right. She raised an eyebrow over at him as she sat up.

Sean was looking at her like he had almost killed her. She would of laughed.

"Wasn't your fault." Emma muttered and put her shirt back down a little shyly.

Sean swallowed hard and got up, "I should of watched where I was going." he insisted.

She winced a bit as she stood up. Just a little, nothing much, but he seemed to of run to her side, putting his hand on her side and going to use the other for the other side to catch her incase she fell.

Emma looked down at his hand. The stupid thing was giving her tingles as her shirt wasn't fully down and his finger tips grazed upon her bare skin of her hips. She then tried to ignore it and gave him a look, "I got it."

The nurse to the side peeked at them , and hid her smile. OH . . how cute. The girl couldn't see how clearly the guy was a nervous wreck about her well being.

He took his hands off her like lightening and itched the back of his neck when she began to walk around him and he followed her out the door.

When she looked over her shoulder to see him still following, she actually laughed and shook her head, "I'm **fine**, Sean." she promised.

He stopped as she slowed down and he watched her go, giving him a small smile to show she was and he seemed to stare in awe as he watched her to back around and go.

His heart pounded.. .she smiled, _she smiled at him. _A _real_ smile.

Down the hall, a body leaned on the wall just on the other corner. Jay. He glared at the scene he was seeing


	11. In the Ruins

"How dare you tell _anybody_ about us!?" Emma screamed at Jay in her room the beginning of the third week.

Everyone was getting ready for class and Jay had stopped into Emma's before.

He shrugged, snapping, "Who cares that I did."

"i do!" Emma snapped and for such a skinny girl, she even made Jay fear her at the moment.

"Whatever." he sneered, and went to leave but scoffed and hit the door, turning back to her, "can we just forget it? They probably did!"

"Forget us!" Emma said, throwing her pillow harshly at him and he shielded himself from letting it hit his face.

Outside Emma's closed bedroom door, Sean went passed it to slow down when he heard yelling. He couldn't hear what was being said but smirked knowing it wasn't good and Emma was doing most of the yelling.

"Sean!" called Ellie from the classroom door from the hall and he whirled his head around to look at her and quickly walk over.

"Today will be setting pairs for projects, of what we've been reviewing for the last two weeks. Your degrassi students are doing it too." said their teacher, who told them to call him Jerry. Nice guy, nerdish looking, in his 30's and thick black glasses and different types of sweater vests every day.

Sean had to notice that Emma sat FAR away from Jay, and he couldn't help but do snoopy dances in his head.

"Pairs will go by two." Jerry told them and picked up the chart he (Allison) made for him to pair. Alright, so what if during classes they were still doing a therapy thing? They **were **at a hospital.

He began to speak out.

"Craig and Ellie."

The red head stiffened in her seat next to Sean, turning her head to look at Craig and found him already staring at her.

"Emma and.." he drifted off.

Jay sat forward, waiting, and Sean was on the end of the his seat. Spinner was snoozing in his desk.

"Sean." he looked up to Sean who seemed to inhale deeply and get up, grabbing his books to go move to Emma.

Ellie blinked, and her green wide eyes watched him go. Craig looked at her, to Sean, and sadly back at her. She **had **to of known it was always going to be the Sean and Emma show. Poor girl.

"Wake up." snapped Jay, shoving Spinner's head as he sat next to him and Spinner snoored, shooting up.

Emma was nervously just doodling on the cover of her binder when Sean sat beside her. Oh god, she would be paired with him

"Nice circles." teased Sean and she tried not to smile or even look up at him as she continued tiny circles on her binder.

Jerry began to explain the project, "Pick your favorite authors, who have turned their books into movies, and judge it from another. Tell me what you liked best, what your partner liked best, and what you disagreed to."

Emma cornered her eyes, watching Sean write this down. Today he wore his beanie hat, and she felt her heart skip. His hair was growing out a bit, since it had been more then two weeks, so it was curly and peaking out of the sides and ends of his hat.

Ellie's words from the other day haunted her head, '_you're the other girl he's always staring at_!'

Emma watched the way he still concentrated so hard on his writing, even if he was only writing down exactly what the teacher was saying.. it wasn't like a question or anything. She softened and felt herself slowly smile.

Craig sat over with Ellie, and looked to see if she was also taking this down to notice her looking in the direction of the other side of the room. To Sean and Emma. He frowned, as they caught Emma softly gazing at Sean, who had been so excited to go work with her.

"It sucks." Craig whispered to her and she looked back at him, alarmed.

"what?" she seemed to act stupid and he shook his head, giving her a look that insisted she wasn't.

"You deserve more." he whispered to her.

Ellie's hard look turned soft and she searched his eyes, seeing that he had really meant that. She blushed, and then flushed, realising how stupid she must look for staying with a guy who wasn't in love with her.

When the teacher and hospital owner allowed them to use their library, which was HUGE, Emma and Sean sat in a deserted isle to work (be alone).

"What about just doing good ol Shakespeare?" Emma asked, going through an old looking book that Sean had to guess was Shakespeare, "Almost all his books were turned into movies."

Sean couldn't help but remember when Kwan was reading Shakespeare to his and Emma's class last year, and Kwan had signaled him out when he was trying to take a nap and asked him questions about the dumb Romeo book. Sean had told her some crap about not caring for Shakespeare...then Emmas new boyfriend JUST after their break up, had spoken up infront of the class to make fun of him and had said something that caught Emma's eye, and he made Sean look stupid. Sean remembered wanting to punch that guy in his face and shove the shakespeare novel down his throat. But he stayed seated that day, because he didn't want Emma to know how jealous he was of Chris...plus, he was suppose to be dating Amy and _over _her

"Whatever happened to Chris?" Sean had to ask.

Emma blinked and looked up for a second at him until back down at their assignment, "I don't _think_ that was a question on our assignment." she joked.. but woah, where did that come from? Her and Chris broke up last year, before the summer back to Degrassi this year.

Sean weakily smiled, but wanted to know.

"Can we talk?" came a voice, and they looked up from beside another to the famous Jay Hogart. He stood at the end of the book shelf the laid again and wait for Emma's answer.

Sean looked back down at his books, his blood boiling as Emma glared at Jay.

"No." she firmly said. What part of 'forget us' didn't he get? Or the fact that they weren't 'talking' buddies.

The fact she just dismissed him infront of Sean, pissed him off more but he saw Sean smirk about it, pretending to read a book and he sneered at the two, walking off.

Silence over come then and Emma tried to focus back down at her work, but she knew Sean was aching to say something as his pen in his hands kept snapping up and down on his binder.

"What Sean?" she sighed and looked over and he was already looking at her, as if studying her.

"do you and _Jay _have a _thing_?" he sounded like a question but both knew he already knew the answer to that. What she didn't know though, was Sean was ready to talk about it.

"I already know he prodcasted it Sean, don't have to be modest." she muttered, looking down and feeling dirty and empty..the way Jay made her feel.

"But why?" he said, trying to control his hurt and anger but Emma was confused as she saw it leaking through his eyes

"Why do you care?" she snapped back angrily.

Sean laughed but in a disbelief way as he rolled his head back and then glared back at Emma, "Whatever. I **don't**." he sneered.

Emma's mouth fell watching Sean get up to probably storm off like he always does, and she tried to think of what to say but nothing could excuse what she was going with Jay and she knew that, from the start.

She had just been **so **messed up.

Sean went to go, but he snapped back around and glared down to Emma, raising his finger at you, "You know." he grit his teeth.

Here it comes.. he could only keep it down too long and it was just boiling up. She wasn't acting herself, she was doing things the normal Emma wouldn't do, young or not.

"You're **ruining **yourself." when he said it, it had come out wrong... but it was too late and he watched the words hit Emma.

She looked taken back, and lately that light in her eyes was coming back and shining through but as soon as Sean said that, _**Sean **__had __**to be **_the one who said it, the numbness came back. Her eyes turned black

Sean thought she was ruined. . which is exactly what she had thought. Good to know the only guy who could make it matter to her, dug it deep into her.. painfully.

Sean watched her grab her books and get up, she hit his shoulder hard and stormed off, tears threatning her eyes but he turned and grabbed her to explain.

"Emma." he said as she wouldn't look him in the eyes and struggled let get her arm out of his grip.

She was trying to stop the tears and he saddened, letting the pain and hurt of whats between them come crashing down, and the agony of missing her. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but the hand that held her arm yanked her to him and she gasped, being thrown right up against him and his hands cupped her face, crashing his lips to hers.

Emma gasped in between the kiss when he did it, and her heart was skipping madly, fireworks exploding in her head and he took that chance to push his tounge in and she on reflex, did so back. It wasn't very much like their old kisses..it was better. No more innocence, just pure passion. He bit her lower lip playfully, running his hands down to her hips as he pushed her gently up against a book shelf and his heart caught in his throat when he heard her moan.

No. He said you were ruined, Emma's head screamed at her and shoved him off, breathless.

He panted and his eyes widened, shocked she shoved him and then his eyes widened more to the kiss. Jesus, that was amazing. The way she tasted of strawberry but smelled of vanilla, it was the most toxicating thing. He needed more..

"_Stay_ away from me." Emma said through clenched teeth and stormed off.

He tried to catch his breath, and still felt tingles on his lips and even along his tounge. _Damn_. His eyes held pure love for the girl, and he shut his eyes remembering now she was mad at him for what he said and now for kissing her.

Dammit.

He also cursed, remembering Ellie.

And that's all Emma could think of too when she stormed out of the library. He was with Ellie, and Ellie had said it herself, he was looking at other girls, plural. What is he now? Some BIG player? Thinking he can play with her heart again? Break it harder? Have an old renuion with the ol punching bag.

And ruined? She was ruined? **He **was the one with the anger issues, and had one fucked up girl friend on his hands.. that he just CHEATED on.

She'll show him ruined.

_**How far back, can you remember?  
Did the ice stop your heart?  
Oh wait, that was me,  
Oh wait that was me.  
I froze to death.  
My last words choking your breath.**_

Do the words still haunt you?  
Can you secure its claim,  
Bottled up like smoke floating over flames?

_**(johnny craig- i still feel her)**_


	12. I'm Giving Up On You

Emma hadn't talked to Sean in 3 days, and on the fourth day, they had a circle therapy session again.

Emma walked in with Jay, and she hoped Sean noticed. He sat with Ellie, who also sat next to Craig. Sean did noticed as he boredly looked around and then his eyes wildly laid onto Emma, seeing Jay slide his hands into hers

Was she f**ucking **_kidding him? _

"I feel good about today." Ellie told both boys on her sides and Craig smiled, Sean just grumbled under his breath til she grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

Craig seemed to glance at it and he froze a little, feeling the jealousy stir in him. Crap.. was he falling for Ellie? She** was** hella cute.. and quite the deep artist herself.

Allison went to start and opened her mouth, to close it, seeing also Emma and Jay holding hands and sit down with them.

She shook off the wierd vibe and began, "How is everyone today? We're almost through the third week." she smiled softly.

Spinner seemed to be the only one nodding and really paying attention to her. He had been making amazing progress.

They all talked either to the person next to them, or wont paying attention to her. Sean wasn't even noticing Craig making his own girl friend giggle right beside him, he did notice though, EMma giggle when Jay leaned over to whisper something in her ear and kiss her neck.

His knuckled held tightly he was sure his short nails were drawing blood into his palms.

Allison cleared her throat, to grab everyones attention, "Alright." she said, "Nobody seems to have to say anyting today but my office will be open." she insisted.

They nodded and got up.

Sean had instantly turned to Ellie and took her hand. She yelped a little, still in a conversation with Craig but was dragged away with Sean. When they walked out the door first, he leaned her up against the wall around the corner and kissed her deeply.

Spinner was next out and whistled at the scene, and behind him Jay and Emma gave him wierd looks until they looked over and saw the make out session.

Ellie had even happily began to smile against the kiss. That's what hurt Emma the most. She turned away when she saw them pull apart and Sean cup Ellie's face, the way he did her when they always kissed. Correction: USe to kiss.

"Come on." Emma told Jay, holding his hand again as she dragged him away.

Jay laughed when they got down to the boys hallway and pulled Emma back to him, "Naughty." he said, "You're not suppose to be in here."

He went to take her into his room and she pulled him back, not wanting to go in there and looked around.

Oh what pain could make you do and think sometimes.. She wanted to **hurt **Sean as much as he hurt her in the past, and just now. He had no idea what the pain felt like yet.. he had no right to kiss Ellie infront of her like that..

Ruined; the word echoed in her head and her eyes laid on the supply closet. It had blinds against the doors window, but they were a little open so you could see inside if you looked for more than a glance.

"Come on." she told Jay and opened the door.

Meanwhile, Ellie walked in a delighted haze to the music room. Seemed Spinner was also there and amusingly watched Ellie walk to the other drum set but just sit there, as he drummed a bit on his.

"You alive in there?" he joked, sheepishly grinning, not sure if she wanted to talk to him.

Seemed she had puppy love on her mind and didnt mind it for the moment, "seans great." she sighed.

Spinner laughed, dropping his sticks, "Yea, great." he said sarcastically, knowing Ellie was the girl friend, but not the one Sean was after.

Ellie snapped out of it to glare, "Whats that mean?"

Spinner dropped his shoulders, feeling a bit bad now. He hated being the asshole these days but thought it was best to tell her, "Come on Ellie, do you stay with the guy cause hes _good_ to you, or cause he's eye candy?"

Craig had walked in and slowed down, hearing that. Ellie looked choked up, not believing he asked her that.

Ellie noticed Craig, and she tried to fight back tears as she asked him, "Do you agree with that? Do you think I'm only with Sean cause hes _good looking_?" she snickered, "Do you really think I'm that shallow?" she looked between him and Spinner who put his head down.

"I think.." Craig drifted honestly, "part of you _thinks_ he makes you happy."

Ellie got up and stormed out, shooting daggers at Craig as she did. He jumped and shared a look with Spinner.

"Sean!" Called Allison in her doctors coat again and caught up to him before he entered his room.

He curiously looked at her and turned, "Yea?"

"Remember my doors open okay? Til 6." she promised.

He shrugged, "I'm fine." he gave her a weak nod, "As good as I can be right now."

She frowned, but nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, "You've been really making progress Sean," she teased, "You haven't paunched anyone out for almost a week."

He chuckled a bit and nodded, thankfully, and then she turned as his eyes caught something in the window of the supply closet. He squinted his eyes, and then terror filled them slowly as he realised what was inside the closet.

Jay's body was against Emma's and she had been lifted against the supply stand, papers and packs of pens or staplers were slowly dropping from the stand the more Emma was pushed into it as Jay fucked her.

and though they _looked_ clothed, he could see Jay was downright fucking her. She was wearing a skirt, and Jay's zipper was down.

He began to shake in anger, watching Emma's face as Jay assaulted her. Her eyes were closed tightly when he pushed in and closed lightly when he slid out. Her hair stuck to her cheeks a bit when she began to sweat, feeling herself _make _herself come.

She hoped Sean would walk past, she had no idea he was already there.

She bit her lip each time Jay pounded into her. . moaning out loudly, not caring to be quiet this time.

Sean turned slowly away from the closet and one step toward his bedroom, but he didn't seem like he could make it there.

If you thought Emma's eyes were scary when numb, you should see Sean's. His bright happy blue eyes, turned to ice and no emotion through them.

Craig was walking back to his room as he suddenly heard a big smash, and looked up. Sean had punched his hand into the wall and Craig cursed, running over and seeing blood dripping and doctors and nurses seemed to rush over, grabbing him and struggling to hold his anger down.

Allisons eyes widened from down the hall, watching Sean being brought to the nurse office. What the hell... what happened?

What had set him off?!

He was doing so good

Allison saw, when Sean was out of site, Emma and Jay come out of the closet, wondering what was going on. They had missed it, and clearly, Emma looked a bit breathless as Jay was quickly buttoning his jeans.

Allison frowned madly and stormed over.

"My office, tomorrow." she sneered at Jay and glared at Emma, "You, at 10am. Sick of your crap, it's time you spill your guts out or I **will** make your parents sign for a longer stay here with us since you seem to have some problem following the rules."

Emma's mouth fell and she angrily watched Allison walk to her office. She couldn't keep her here JUST for fooling around with a boy!

"What a bitch." Jay joked, sliding his arm over Emma who yanked it off. He scoffed, sick of her letting him fuck her senseless but no touching or talking? Really?

It had been 30 minutes when Allisons office door opened and in came someone she didn't think would, and he looked like he was having his break down.

"I-I can't." Sean said, tears built up in his eyes and ready to fall as he closed the door and began to pace back and forth.

Allison stood up, "just talk to me" she said softly.

"I can't do this theory bullshit right now!" Sean shouted on the top of his lungs, throwing books off of her offices shelf.

"Sean, you came to me. Clearly you need to talk." Allison came around and stood infront of him, "Tell me, please."

Outside, Ellie had seen Sean go in and heard yelling, so ran in to see if he was okay.

He hadn't heard her come in, and Ellie jumped when he threw his other fist into a wall but atleast this time, instead of throwing himself in a rage..he crashed to his knees, crying.

Allison noticed Ellie and gave her a look to be quiet, and she slowly walked to Sean, putting a hand on his shoulder. He jumped a little by the touch, but didn't stop crying into his hands.

It scared Ellie seeing Sean crying like this, when he was so strong and never showed her a tear drop of his before.

"Tell me what's hurting you." whispered Allison, already knowing though; he had seen Jay and Emma, hadn't he? With his own eyes this time.

"I hurt her." he said into his hands, making it hard to hear but they got it.

Ellie sucked in a breath..Sean thought he hurt her? That's why he did this?

"and she hates me." tears poured down his eyes as he looked up when Allison walked around to face him and he stayed on his knees, like he had given up, "I gave up on her at a time she needed me most. I-i gave up." his eyes looked numb, "I gave up." he looked down and whispered, "She gave up."

Ellie was stone cold, and her blood felt like ice. . Emma. Ofcourse. He wasn't talking about Ellie.

Ellie had to flee out of there, tears pouring down her eyes as she settled into the realization she was being so stupid all along and Sean had loved Emma the whole time he was with her.

That bastard. . that.. ._little..._

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'll be the one, if you want me to  
Anywhere I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**_

Sean numbly stayed on the ground, letting his heart break to pieces.

In Emma's room, she stared blankly at the wall across from her.

Her birth control, on the her night table was suddenly picked up and thrown. The pill bottle hit the wall and then fell to the ground, going everywhere.

_**And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying goodbye**_

She choked on the tears she tried to hold in, and let the pain flow out of her, everything, all of it. Rick, Sean, the breakup, what she was turning into, what Jay was doing to her, it all came crashing around her.

"Emma?" Allison had come into her room, hearing the commotion.

Emma had curled herself to the corner of the wall where her bed was against, and she cried into it, her face going so red from how hard she was crying and Allison quickly shut the door and went over to her, sitting right near her and pulled her into a tight hug.

Emma tried to speak, but the painful lump in her throat and how hard her body shook wouldnt let her and she shook her head in Allisons embrace, "I don't want to live anymore." she choked out and cried hard, tears rolling down her eyes and shut her eyes tight as she embraced Allison back, "I don't deserve to live, I didn't deserve to." she was talking about the shooting at the end and Allison even cringed.

Emma trembled and tried to breath as Allison ran a hand through the back of her head, "Emma, breath." she told her sternly, "You need to breath."

"I-I can't." she gasped and pulled away, a hand on her chest like her heart was actually hurting her and it was, "I can't." she cried more shakingly.

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**_


	13. I'll Be Rising From The Ground

Sean had been missing the next day, to Emma's notice. He wasn't in class, nor the session, nor library to come and work on their assignment..and she didn't have the balls to go look in his room for him.

Allison had, cryptically, let her know Sean saw her and Jay. Made the crying that finally had stopped, go off again.

Emma was for real this time, she wanted to stop. She wanted to change, she wanted Jay to stay away from her, she wanted to even go back to being old Emma Nelson but she knew some of it wouldn't be the same as before.

The next day, Sean was sitting in the living room, emotionlessly watching the news on the tv.

He was just _sitting _there when he heard, "You are not allowed near Emma _anymore_, Jay." he tried to ignore it, but his heart told him to just peak.. it couldnt hurt anymore, could it?

He looked over his shoulder, seeing Allison blocking Emma's door. His eyebrows furrowed, wondering was what going on.

"Oh yeah?" taunted Jay after his look of shock, "Whose going to stop me?"

"She will." Allison declared.

Sean turned back, trying to focus on the tv, but the words haunted him 'she will'. Had Jay done something to Emma? Other than totally take adventage of her..

Allison went on, "I'm just stopping you so there's no scene." she looked dead serious, "She's done, Jay. She wants to work on herself, you're not good for her right now."

Sean couldn't believe Jay's next words, "And whose going to stop me when we are out of here?"

"I am." Snake said, appearing and walking through the front door. His eyes glowed with fury that even Sean turned and had heard the hatred in Snake's voice.

Jays jaw tightened and he turned to Snake.

Snake was taller than him, being the beast he was, and his eyes look at Jay with disgust, "you **will **stay the _hell_ away from my daughter, Hogart... or I will stop you **myself.**"

Allison had called him, let Emma speak to her mom for a bit, and then Allison privately told him about Emma finally breaking through, and that the only problem standing in her way with moving on, was Jay's way to manipulate her..take advantage. Snake wanted to see to it personally when Allison also admitted Emma was having sexual acts with him, even in the hospital.. and that was just **not **like Emma.

Sean eyed the scene as Jay took one slow step back away from Snake, trying to keep a hard face on but Sean could see it and smirked a little.. he was scared.

"fucking punk." sneered Snake when Jay was out of it site and he looked shaken up, "I can't understand how people can do that to someone."

Allison took a deep breath, "I have been watching him closely...he seems to be showing signs of.." she looked down, not being able to reveal information to someone who wasn't a doctor.

Snake was dying to know though, "What? What is he? Is he dangerous?"

"Noo.." breathed Allison and looked where Jay left, "He could be addicted though."

Snake eyed her wierdly...addicted to what?

In class, everyone showed up, and Emma was shocked to notice Sean too, but he kept his back to her, sitting on the side of the room. She slowly sat, eyes not leaving his body and she noticed the bandages wrapped around his knuckles and bruises were showing a little through. She sucked in a breath and looked down at her work.

She c**aused **this. She was **such **an idiot . .cold hearted. How could she do this to everyone? She even saw Ellie sitting on her own, nowhere near Sean but in the back.

"Alright guys." Jerry said, "Get to your partners and we are just going to work on the project today."

Emma froze up. Ofcourse. On shakey legs and with shakey breath, she stood up, slowly walking up to Sean.

She sat down beside, and he seemed to just be staring straight forward at the desk that Jerry sat on, not speaking, just marking.

Emma took the hint, he did _not _wanna talk to her. Her heart was pounding nervously, and just fluttered by being around him.

It was wierd, letting these feelings come to her.. it was a little over whelming but Allison promised her it was a good thing.

She did the talking as she pulled out a book from her, "I had an idea for our assignment."

Sean didn't move a mussel

"I was thinking we could do our assignment on Mary Lawrence's book Sensibility?" Emma tilted her head a bit, trying to make him atleast g_lance_ at her. It was eating up at her, and her heart twisted painfully.

She glanced at his knuckles again with a sickening feeling in her stomach.

Sean looked down at his binder, trying to block her voice out but he just couldn't.

"It's about-"

"I don't care what it's about Emma." he snapped at her, finally turning his head to look at her and he was a little shocked to see the hurt but understanding in her eyes.

Wow... it's been awhile since he could completely read her. Her eyes had been so unreadable mostly but today, they shined bright.

She seemed..different.

She looked down and mumbled a little, "I just don't want to be the reason you don't pass this assignment.."

"Why not? You're the reason to my other failures." he seemed to mutter back, not truly meaning it but...anything to hurt her back, right?

She looked up into his eyes, wondering what that meant but nodded slowly, letting him say whatever he needed to and he narrowed his eyes. She was just going to take that from him?

He frowned, not liking the way she was taking his insults almost through the whole class.. as he eyed her when the class finished, he had to notice she looked, fragile and, mouse like today and a bit more like herself but still a bit timid.

What was up with her?

He tried to shake his head, telling himself he couldn't care anymore and he grabbed his books, walking out of class.

"Sean!" Emma called, shoving passed Spinner to go get to him.

Sean slowly down as he turned the corner.. maybe they should talk. He turned and she must of not expected him to stop because she flew right around the corner to catch up with him, for him to catch her firmly when she almost ran into him.

Her breath stopped, staring into his eyes wildly as he emotionlessly looked back at her.

He had to admit though, glancing away from her as he spoke, "I'm tired of trying to make you forgive me for everything, Emma."

Emma's eyes saddened, watching him looking down at his knuckles on her hips.

"I-I forgive you." she said desperately, her eyes trying to pour lovingly into his but he wouldn't look at her, "I want it to all go away, everything in the past."

"Yeah but now there's too much between us, especially after these three weeks." he whispered, finally looking her in the eye and she almost doubled back.

He slowly let his hands fall off of her, looking like he couldn't stand to touch her and her heart shattered.

He went on, "Maybe we're not meant to even be friends."

_Even _be friends? Had he once wanted more? Could he blame Emma for not noticing? She was on auto pilot before! Letting the complete dark side of her take over.

She wanted **him,** needed him!

"Do you regret, _kissing me_?" her voice was so hurt, and small.

He would of looked shocked if he wasn't busy staring at the ground numbly.."I have a girl friend, Emma."

Emma flinched and thought maybe that was over, but I guess not. Maybe Sean did belong with Ellie... she obviously couldn't make him happy.

She nodded, looking down and trying to give him her best strong look as he looked at her to see if she understood.

That was it, it was _done?_

She smiled, but it wasn't a happy one no matter how hard she tried, "I'll see you in the sessions. When we go back to Degrassi, we don't need to be around another." with that, she left.

He stared at the ground where her feet once stood, his icy eyes slowly melting.

THE FOURTH WEEK.

"welcome to your fourth week session." smiled Allison, trying to show how much had changed but then frowned seeing most of the kids frowning..badly.

She took a deep breath and pulled out that handy dandy note book

"Okay you guys, we are doing something different." she told them, "I may bring up some personal things we've been talking about one on one."

"You can't do that." stared Ellie.

Allison gave her a sorry type of cringe, "I kinda can. I won't share your secrets, but lets talk about the other things that wiegh heavily on your mind."

Nobody spoke up.

Allison got down to it, turning to Jay. She had been waiting for this day to finally talk to him about what she thought could be wrong with him.

"Since you won't come to the one on ones, I'm going to have to say this out loud infront of everyone." Allison warned him.

He snickered, not thinking she had anything that could hurt or bug him.

"Have you ever thought you might be a sex addict, Jay?" she asked, pulling a sheet out.

Sean glanced at them wierdly, and slowly at Emma who held her gaze down hard, not wanting to be here today.

Jay laughed a little, "Doc, everyone loves sex. But I don't know about addicted." he laughed again but Allison looked very serious

"Your total of sexual encounters on your sheet of paper is 30."

Jay itched his head and shrugged, "So sue me, most of it was before this year. Can't judge me on that."

"can't I?" she shot back, reminding him with her eyes that he was always so desperate to be around Emma.

Sean shook his head, looking down at his bandage on his knuckles, "Don't give him an excuse to use for cheating." he bittered

Emma slowly glanced up to look at Sean when he had spoke up and she sucked in a shakey quiet breath. Before she had wanted to hang this over Alex's head once upon a time, and now she wished nobody or even Alex found out ever about her and Jays past. It had only been 4 weeks of the sex affair anyways.

"Emma.. would you say-"

Emma past Allison a small, embarrassed glare, "Can you not bring me into his crap?"

Sean blinked, impressed Emma had called Jays issues crap. Jay even seemed stung.

"Can we **stop** talking about this?" Ellie seemed annoyed too. All about Emma, nonstop.

"What if you too were to be a sex addict?" Allison asked Emma and reminded, "You had your small phase."

Sean's eyes darted around the room, trying to hear about anything then this. Emma looked totally stricken by the horror and then noticed...Allison was trying to get her rattled up. Jesus...was this a stupid test about showing feelings again?

"I couldn't be one.." Emma taunted and Allison smiled a bit as she explained why, "Cause sometimes I wished it'd end as fast as it started" she finally found the courage to glare at Jay, whose eyes hardened on her. "and i regret everything."

Jay felt punched in the gut. He wasn't shocked though she didn't enjoy most the sex, he knew it was really just an escape thing but he had let himself think...no, he couldn't say it..

Sean was smirking a little, happy that Emma had said that to Jay.

Craig leaned forward, eyeing Jay keep his eye on Emma and squinted his eyes at the two. Emma seemed un interested but, Craig spoke this out loud, "for once in your life you look like you don't have anything to say." he smirked at Jay.

Jay wanted to sneer at him, but his gaze stayed on Emma and Ellie even gasped, seeing what was going on here, "oh my god!" she yelled in thrilling disgust and pointed at Jay, "You think your inlove with her."

Jay watched Emma shift uncomfortably, putting a hand on her stomach and Sean's eyes were staring wide eyed at him.

Emma felt like she was going to puke, faint...Jay was **never **suppose to do that and he was fooling himself if he did think that.

He leaned forward, eyes only on Emma and thought he could just speak lowly to her without anybody else coming into the conversation, but Sean listened up hard and his fists kept clenching just like his jaw.

Why couldn't Jay just go rot in a hole?

"I do." Jay confessed to Emma who looked at him almost fearfully.

Oh god this was all wrong, this was why he was so clingy, ugh, if she hadn't felt dirty before, now she felt totally disgusted with herself and humiliated.

"Can i PLEASE go?" Emma begged Allison, turning her head to look at her and stood up

"Emma!" she stopped her, "Jay needs his breakdown too." Allison replied.

Emma started to feel that wall caving in, and she glared hatefully at Jay for doing this. It wasn't love! If he's feeling anything its being confused. . the guy had no idea what the difference was between lust and love, that fucking idiot! He wouldn't know love if it bit him on the hand.

"Fine! I'll stay." Emma said, getting worked up "Can _they_ go?" she spat at Spinner, Ellie, Craig and most of all, Sean.

"Gladly'' barked Sean, standing, he didn't want to hear any more of this shit, "Go. Tell ur little_ love_ story,'' he sneered at Jay and jealousy seemed to get him too angry, "love at first blow job." he said, looking at Emma now with disgust.

_**SLAP!**_

Nobody moved, except for Sean's face, flying to the right by Emma's slap.

Sean's mouth fell and so did she, covering her mouth. She hadn't meant to, most of that anger was towards Jay but the way Sean just looked at her- oh god. Oh shit.

She teared up, watching Sean rub his jaw and look back at her darkly.

'i-im sorry." Emma began to tremble and looked to Allison, "I didn't mean to." she whispered and looked back at Sean with desperate eyes, "I didn't mean to." she said louder so he'd hear

Allison did the oddest thing, she smiled "No, Emma. That was amazing.''

Sean couldn't believe what he was hearing, pointing madly at himself, "you've been punishing me since I got hear for laying a hand on somebody." he glared at Jay, him being that somebody.

"It's different with you Sean, you have tons of feelings bottled in you and anger is the one you can't control." Allison told him and nodded to the blonde who shaked a little where she stood, "For Emma? She had barely been feeling _anything _since the shooting."

Sean was a little shocked... did Emma **tell** Allison that? She was _talking _about the shooting to her?

"Can't you see though now she's feeling **a lot **of emotions right now?"Allison raised an eyebrow at her.

Sean swallowed the lump in his throat, noticing that yeah, he was kinda happy deep down for Emma... she was feeling again, talking, reaching out...but it still seemed to late for **them**

"I think I do love her." Jay spoke up.

Craig, Ellie and Spinner awkwardly watched the movie go down infront of them.

"**Shut. up.**." growled Sean, sick of Jay thinking he can even _feel _that kind of emotion. If he loved her, he wouldn't _think_ it, he'd _know_ it.

"Please shut up." Emma begged Jay, shaking her head at him and wishing she'd never done a **thing** with him **ever**.

Jay angered at Emma, "I love you!" he stood up.

"You don't love me you're confused!" Emma yelled at him.

"I would of picked you over Alex any day!" he told her

"It's not about picking you idiot!" Emma shouted, and Sean had pushed passed them, not being able to hear and see this.

She painfully watched him walk out as she began to silently cry.

Emma shook her head at Jay, going on explaining, "You don't PICK who you love, you just do!"

She hadn't realised Sean stopped at the door and that had made him stop. His heart skipping a little in his chest.

"No matter _how mad _they can drive you." Emma noted.

Sean sadly smirked.

"No matter how long you been apart, you just . . still continue to love them." she shoved Jay a bit from her, "And you don't USE the person you say you _love_, either!"

Jay's mouth fell and he asked, "Then why can't I stop thinking about you?"

"Because nobody else wanted you!" Emma shot back madly.

Jay took a step back, Emma took one forward, showing how much stronger she was getting again and that she didn't need him to make her feel small anymore.

"You know Alex is done with you, she hasn't even come **visited **you." sneered Emma.

Jay took another step back and tripped a little over a chair and he felt his entire fears being placed out on the table for everyone to see.

"You are a _lonely, _low self esteemed, _arrogant little..." _Emma tried to take a deep breath, not wanting to curse and suddenly looked like the old goody two shoes once again, _finally,_ "**Jerk**." she finished, and grumbled the last part as she nodded at Allison, "Who may be a sex addict."

"Wow." Ellie even had to laugh.

Craig smiled up at Emma, happy the old Emma Nelson was shining through.

Spinner stood up and playfully gave her a standing ovation, clapping his hands and Ellie and Craig laughed with him, joining in.

Emma blushed, and Jay walked out as fast as he could.

Allison smiled shaking her head but joined in on the clap for Emma.

Emma thought she felt eyes on her, and sensed Sean and she turned her head hopefully towards the door but nobody stood there. She frowned, but smile, still proud of herself.

_**You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper**_

_**Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper**_

_**(demi lovato- skyscraper)**_


	14. Friends Forever

Craig softly played the guitar, sitting next to Emma the next morning and she once again, drew in the sketch book for fun as he did.

"It sounds good." Ellie voice was heard, and Craig turned from his guitar to behind the couch he sat on.

Emma even looked up and Ellie tried to give them both weak smiles, even Emma.

She sat down, and sat on the other side of Craig.

He looked taken back still from her comment and shy, "Thanks." he then slyly grinned and she laughed softly, looking down blushing but nodded.

As he watched her, he couldn't help but remember the time Ashley had bashed him in that song during battle of the bands last year and Ellie was in it "You're a good drummer." he remembered, passing her a compliment back.

Emma snuck a glance at them, a small confused smirk on her face. Was Craig crushing Ellie?

Ellie blushed. He remembered?

"Thankyou... nothing like you though." she said, breathing unsteadily.

He grinned again and her heart skipped. Oh god, she was falling for Craig..bad.

"Visitation!" called a nurse, and they got up, going to the cafeteria to see who were their visitors today.

Meanwhile, as everyone did that, Sean walked into Allison's office.

"Hey." he softly greeted

She looked up and smiled, "Sean. Have a seat." she said and he obeyed.

Silence.

"Have anything on your mind?" she playfully asked and he snapped out it and nodded.

He cleared his throat, "The day of the shooting, I was in a hall with Emma and this other old friend of ours.. Rick was coming toward us." Sean swallowed the lump in his throat, "But he _wanted _Emma."

He expected Allison to be suprized, but she wasn't, so he guessed Emma had been talking to her about the shooting.

"I stayed." Sean told her breathlessly, "I thought I'd been a coward when it came to Emma but the time she **finally **needed me, I was there."

"you say it like its a bad thing" Allison said.

Sean looked down, nodding, "It sorta was... I wanted to prove to her that I was good, that I still loved her, and i'd protect her _always_.. so I **stood **infront of Rick and that gun, just for her.. .." his eyes started to tear up and he tried not to ball his eyes out, "I _killed _**Rick** for her."

Allison now sat up, her mouthing falling. Killed?

"Sean no, you struggled with him, it fired accidentally." she insisted.

Sean shook his head no, tears blurring his vision, "I pulled the trigger. It was my fault, I could of directed it somewhere else, a wall or something, but I didn't care that it was pushing against his stomach, I didn't care if he might of died for trying to kill her."

Allison closed her eyes and sighed, "It's a tough one to call Sean, you can't go one thinking you _murdered _him though."

"you said it, you said I can't control my anger." he reminded, terrified.

"Sean. You've made the most progress here than anybody." she assured him and he softened.

"I have?"

She nodded, "You even held back the other day from the guy you say is the biggest asshole in the world. You're up for anything now, you can handle anything now." she promised.

Sean took a shakey inhale and exhaled it, nodding, "That's what I came here for."

She tilted her head.

"I'm ready to see my parents."

Meanwhile..

Spike held baby Jack, who Emma smiled adorably at, playing with his hands as he laughed at her silly faces.

Spike laughed warmly and then set Jack down back in his stroller, "Em, I need to confess something."

Emma sat up straight slowly, titling her head.

"I may of told someone you were here, getting the help you needed." she explained.

Emma's eyes widened in horror, "Mom, who?! How could you do that to me? Everyones going to think I'm a freak more than they already do." she began to shake words as she cried, putting her face down in her hands.

Spike rubbed her shoulder, "Em, it was only Manny."

Emma sat back up, sniffing and giving her a wierd look, "But..me and Manny aren't friends anymore."

"doesn't look that way." Spike softly said, "She was real worried, Em. She cared."

Emma sadly believed her, and she missed Manny too. She had tried to talk to her during JT's play before they were forced here..but Emma completely shut her out.

She nodded thankfully at her mom, "Okay. It's okay."

"She wants to visit you next time, is that alright?" Spike asked and Emma nodded, smiling a little.

Things were slowly looking up.

That night, Craig, Ellie and Emma were back on the couch, Spinner was on the chair that was next to that couch by Emma and they were actually just enjoying a movie together and giggling..well, least the girls. The boys were too manly to giggle!

Ellie noticed a shadow at the corner of her eye, and turned her head to see Sean who was looking at her, looking like he wanted to talk as he nodded back in the empty closed cafeteria.

She slowly got up, eyeing Craig before she left.

When she came in, Sean was sitting at one two seater table and she slowly took a seat infront of him.

Silence.

Real awkward silence too..

"Hi." she greeted, kinda lamely.

He smiled sadly, "Hey." he breathed.

Ellie looked down as she folded her arms on the table, "Is this where we break up?"

He looked down, ashamed but whispered, "Yea.."

She nodded and looked back up, looking like she waiting for something.

"I'm sorry." he added, "For everything. I feel horrible what I put you through, you of all people don't deserve it."

She looked like she was searching for me, looking at him confused.

He opened his mouth and she put her hands up, "No, Sean, it's _okay_. I'm just confused." she laughed a little, "I don't.." she paused hard, "I don't feel any resentment towards you nor am I hurt... little disappointed but.."

He sucked in a breath, happy to hear that, "You are one of my good friends , El."

"You just didn't love me." she declared.

He looked down again, not wanting to answer that..they knew . There was no need for him to say it.

"You can keep my place, Ellie." he said, looking at her honestly and she gave him a wierd look.

"Won't you need it?"

"I want you to have it." he confirmed, "I can't let you go back to your moms. I don't want you to cut again."

"something tells me I won't be going to." whispered Ellie happily, glancing out the cafeteria door and had Craig on her mind.

Sean sighed in relief and she passed his a small smirk. Jerk. Probably thought she'd be miserable without him.. still though, she cared about him too like a friend.

"fine, I'll keep the place." she taunts teasingly then squinted her eyes, "I have to ask though.."

Sean shrugged, waiting for the question.

"Are you going back to Emma now?" she asked.

He looked lost, and avoided her eyes and he looked like he didn't even know anymore.

"You love her." Ellie declared.

Sean ran fingers through his hair, "We're in bad places right now."

"You are so much better now, Sean. I can see it." she promised.

Sean nodded slowly but shook his head, "I'm not sure whats happening with me and Emma anymore. She's never even said she wanted to be with me." he dropped his hand on his other, and glared at his hands

"She ripped Jay a new one." smirked Ellie, "I have to give the girl credit. I also shouldn't of blamed her for my cutting."

"what?" Sean asked, wide eyed.

Ellie flushed, "I sorta told her she was a reason to why I cut, that she was the other girl my boyfriend was always staring at, making me feel unwanted."

Seans eyes held such horror in shame, but at himself.

"If wasn't the truth." Ellie insisted and he relaxed, closing his eyes, "I have a lot of issues with myself I need to fix... mainly: Stop blaming people for my problems."

They smiled weakily at another, and were glad they can put this behind them.


	15. Closure

Jay had been been missing for a day and a half, and Emma went down the boy hallway, and turned at his room, his door was half open.

He was reading a book on the bed, feet out and over another and Emma had to admit it was a funny picture. Jay reading? Yet, he seemed pretty into it, didn't even notice her.

She knocked softly, looking back into his eyes a bit fearfully. He probably wanted her far away from him.

He looked up, longed at her for a second, and went back to reading.

Emma got the hint, he was still pissed, but she crossed her arms and leaned on the door and muttered, "I'm sorry for saying that in front of everyone. It should of been a conversation between me and you."

He eyes stayed glued to the book.

Emma looked down and sighed, "I really am sorry Jay, it's not like you forced me into anything I only wished you saw I wasn't okay nor really ready to.." she drifted off, regret clouding her eyes.

Her innocence was gone.. she wished they never- ..but they did, and she had to accept it.

Jay slowly looked up as she shrugged, "Maybe it would of been different if we did take the time or if I wasnt.." she drifted off with her mind on something else now...or someone else more like it.

"Still in love with Cameron?" Jay filled in for her.

She sucked in a breath, looking back at him as he looked back at her so sure about his own statement, "Ya.." she drifted sadly and took a deep breath, "trust me, I wish I wasn't." she walked to the end of the bed and sat on the edge of it.

He seemed to stiffen and moved his legs away from her, looking like he didn't her near.

She felt sorry for that. She was sure he didn't really love her, but she was sure she had probably hurt him.

"I don't think you're a **horrible** guy, Jay." Emma admitted, giving him a hopeful look.

"Yet, I'm not capable of being able to feel deeply for someone?" he bittered "But I'm not a _horrible guy_."

"that's not what I said. Your just not capable to feel it for me, not with what we've been doing together." she flushed a bit, never wanting to bring it up again but knew they had to find their closer.

"What the hell is your damn obsession with Cameron anyways? Whats with you guys." Jay rolled his eyes.

"That's love, Jay." Emma playfully confirmed, "Just never giving up, there's always a connection I feel with him. It's passionate."

"You're telling me we didnt have passion?" he taunted

Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head smiling, "Can't expect you to change in a night, can I?" she joked, seeing him smirk. She sadly shrugged, "He knows everything about me." she looked at Jay and insisted, "You probably don't even know my favorite color."

He looked away, looking guilty, "Alright.._maybe_ I didn't really **know **you and maybe this_ love_ I think I'm feeling could maybe just be.." he drifted off, sneaking a glance at her, ''Respect? Admiration?" he guessed what he was feeling when he looked at her.

Emma snickered, "Don't know why you'd admire me."

"Future ahead of you, always caring about other people, little self rightous.." he teased with a smirk and snickered a bit, "Who knew I'd stop hating you and grow to be pretty fond of you."

Emma smiled sadly and watched him stare down.

"I hope it works out with Cameron." he muttered, obviously still a little stiff about it but knew it was the best thing and they weren't meant for anything other then a phase of.. affection, to mend both their lonely hearts.

Emma was happy Jay looked like he was going to be okay, and Allison was right, maybe Jay did have his little break through. Didn't mean he was an angel but maybe he wouldn't be SO horrible now.

''I hope you do find a girl who you really love." Emma admitted, sitting up more and taking a breather.

Jay sighed, laying back down, "Doc says I have to stay far from girls for a little while."

Emma laughed, standing up, "Good luck with that." she turned serious, "really though." they both shared small undertanding smiles.

She went to leave and he coughed slightly and spoke up, "I'm staying." he told her.

Emma looked at him confused.

He nodded and explained, "1 out of 5 usually stays a little longer in the looney bin remember? I'm that 1." he said, "Allison told me I can stay a bit and work on myself and I actually want to." he smirked a bit, taunting her old Jay style, "Hey, she fixed _you_ right?"

Emma rolled her eyes but snickered, "Thanks." she taunted back and waved a little before walking out.

Emma walked down the boys hall back to the girls as Jay nodded, a bit glad they cleared that air or next year at Degrassi would be PRETTY awkward. He leaned back and opened his book..

..6 more weeks of this place for him while everyone leaves the end of this week.. This was going to **suck.**

Emma had passed all the boys room, and she didn't notice one leaning on the door frame, and had heard the whole conversation.

Sean relaxed himself as she turned the corner, and his heart began to steady. She admitted to Jay she still loved him, still loved _Sean __**Cameron, **_and Jay knew it too?

Sean couldn't really forgive Jay, not ever he didn't think.. but he respected the way he handled his goodbye to Emma and that Sean didn't have to worry about him had done his damage, andnow he was going to stay here to fix his own damages to himself.

Wow. Jay being the one to have to stay.. it shocked Sean. He really thought it was going to be him, Em, or Ellie (since she was actually self harming)

He walked out of his room, and looked the way Emma went, and went to go fight for the girl he loves-

"Sean." he got cut off and turned, a bit shocked and annoyed.

Allison stood there though, and his parents stood behind her..even Tracker.

Sean's mouth fell. He didn't think they'd visit **this **quick.


	16. I'm Not Perfect

Emma sat on her bed, and she was sitting Indian style with that damn sketch book in her hands. She was getting better, drawing stuff from memory like Baby Jack.

She softly laughed at herself, seeing how it did actually look for him. She felt a bit of pride in herself til she gasped, hearing someone in her doorway.

"Hey."

Emma stared back in the eyes of Ellie.

Ellie awkwardly shifted, about to come in but asked, "Is it okay to come in?"

Emma was so shocked, but she nodded slowly and closed her sketch book.

Ellie smiled weakly and sat on her bed

Meanwhile..

"So.." Sean drifted a bit miserably as he sat with his parents for a few minutes now, "Is this where you expected me to be in the future?" he snickered bitterly, "Some pshyco ward."

Sean's mother looked horrified when he said that, "Sean, no. This isn't a bad thing."

"Your doctor said you've been making more progress than anybody here." his father even said. He was a taller man, wearing ...well, lets just admit it now, he looked like trailer type. Mean, but not really, he only wanted what was best for his son.

Tracker chuckled a bit, "She even said you haven't engaged in violence since the beginning you were here."

Sean tried not to smirk back at his brother but then nodded at him for the comment, and .. he sorta missed him too.

"We are so proud of you, Sean." his mother began to cry.

Sean rolled his eyes at her and cringed, "Don't cry mom."

"What we saw in the newspapers? You're a hero Sean." she had tears rolling and his father gave Sean a look before pulling her into a hug.

Sean stared down and Tracker tilted his head when he noticed something off, "You **were** a hero, Sean." he told him.

Sean kept staring down hard, "Not so sure." he muttered.

"You took the guy down yourself." Tracker reminded, though didn't need to, "He would of went after a lot more people, Sean."

His parents nodded and his dad added, "It said you saved your friends, Tony and Eva."

Sean smirked, shaking his head and trying not to find that funny, "Toby and Emma."

Trackers eyes seemed to take notice of one of the names, "Emma? Blondie?" he smirked a bit. Oh the Cameron smirk.

Sean looked at him, getting a bit nervous but nodded.

Tracker eyed him, "I thought you were with some redhead now, but of an punk?" he chuckled, "You can't see to let blondie go."

"It's called history, fuck tard." Sean snapped at him, hating that Tracker still knew him so well even after a year apart and all the other years Sean insisted he didn't know him nor cared.

But he did.

He had moved to Toronto just for Sean to get a better life.. and he always told him Jay was bad new, but he didn't listen.

He wished he listened.

"Who are these girls, Sean?" his mother invaded his privacy, as always.

Sean sighed, not wanting this conversation with her, "Just girls mom."

His dad laughed at that, nodding and nudged his wife, "He's got the Cameron charm."

Sean and Tracker shared a look, rolling their eyes at their old dad. Sean ended up smiling though and laughed softly.

BACK IN EMMA'S room..

Ellie and Emma were giggling madly on her bed when Craig came in and he knocked, eyes looking wide and shocked though.

Was he really seeing this?

"I can leave." he quickly said when they stopped and noticed him.

Ellie blushed and shook her head, "no," she waved him off, "Don't be stupid, come hang."

He eyed them with a grin, "We're hanging out?" he asked.

"Well, without a boy in the middle of us anymore.." drifted Emma jokingly, sharing a look with Ellie who laughed.

"It's not so tense between us anymore." Ellie finished and added, "We're kinda alike, in a way where... we don't really shut our mouths kind of way."

Emma laughed and then noticed Ellie and Craig REALLY smiling, but at another. She shut her mouth, trying not to smirk but it crept out.

"I'm, gonna go make a phone call." Emma said and got up from her own bed, and left her room to the two.

BACK WITH SEAN..

"What happened to your hands!?" His mother suddenly blurted out, taking his wrists and they all viewed his knuckles wrapped up.

"I thought your doc said-"

"It wasn't a fight." Sean insisted to his father and cleared his throat, "Just a wall, during a really bad time."

"Why are you having a bad time in here?" his mom asked.

Sean sighed, "They take the anger out of you mom, what am I suppose to do?"

"Well that's good." His mom said and went on, "Sean...we just want what's good for you. You're doing so well, so much better than before back in Wasaga.."

as she kept talking, Sean's eyes caught a certain blonde enter the visitation room but she was heading to the phone. She wore blue jeans and a comfy looking white sweater, hanging off one side of her shoulder.

Tracker noticed Sean staring off as their mother continued to talk, and he turned his head. It'd been a while since he seen her... probably not since the girl ended up on his porch with fro like hair to talk to Sean.

Tracker grinned a bit, this girl clearly had Sean by the ball and chain and..that was a good thing, cause she was a REAL mouthy piece... but a smart one at that. And she had gotten older, and grown a bit since he'd seen her. He saw the way Sean's eyes followed her to a payphone and how his brother looked at her like she was some angel, and guess she kinda was.. the way she was always around ; just in case.

"So think about it Sean." his mother finished and he had half heard her offer.

HE snapped his eyes back to her and nodded, "I will mom."

They nodded, and his father got up and grabbed his mothers hand, "Allison said she'd show us around. We'll meet you here later? Have dinner maybe before we go?"

"Food here sucks." muttered Sean.

"Your doctor said we could take you out, sign you out but we gotta bring you back no more than two hours later." his mom explained.

Sean bluntly nodded and shrugged, "Sure." anything to get out of here for a bit. He got up quickly, and Tracker stayed, and eyed him look around the payphones.

Sean sighed. Where the hell was Emma when he actually LOOKED for her? He had the darnest luck.

"I-I'll be right back." Sean told Tracker who chuckled but nodded, watching him flee out.

He knew he was looking for Emma, and he had missed her as Tracker saw she had gone to go get a ginger ail at the cafeteria bar after her quick phone call. Must of been to her parents, insisting she was still ok.

He took the chance to get out and go over, glancing the way Sean went so he didn't get caught.

"Thanks" Emma softly smiled to the kitchen lady and turned, opening her pop to almost walk straight into someone, "Sorry." she said then eyed the person.

She instantly remember him, he had eyes like Sean.. maybe not as twinkly though or have the splash of green in them. Oh those baby blues..

"So you're here too?" he asked.

Emma walked around him sighing. Great, Sean's family was going to think she was nuts.

She sat down at a table and he decided to sit with her, "Go ahead, judge me. Lay it on me." she taunted, knowing well like on parents day years ago that he liked to mouth off kinda like Sean.

No wonder they were brothers.

He laughed and shrugged, "Why would I judge you?" he asked, "For being here? Shit. Alot of people at your dumb school should be in here. They create the drama that drives you guys nuts."

Emma smirked a bit and just sipped her drink to then tilt her head a bit, "Why are you talking to me?"

"Why are you and Sean still pretending you dont wanna be together?" he asked.

Emma blinked, looking at him like a deer in the headlights. Wow. He'd been here what? An hour..

"Complicated." she muttered.

"You guys are young, everythings 'complicated.' "he taunts, "Doesn't ignore the fact your eyes glaze over when hes brought up and his eyes light up when you walk by."

Emma's heart skipped, "they do?" she said outloud and then blushed and shook her head, "Its different now. I'm different now, and thats the problem."

"Course you're different." Tracker said, giving her a wierd look, "You're not a 12 year old girl anymore. Look at you, your now in your 'blossoming' years."

"Ew." Emma had to comment.

He laughed and rolled his eyes, "I just meant you and Sean aren't kids anymore, nor been around another for some time but something tells me it's easy for you guys to catch up. You just gotta consider you're both almost adults now."

"No he does." Emma taunted in almost a childish manner.

"What's that mean?" Tracker asked.

She sighed, "Doesn't matter." she avoided his eyes. To tell sean's bROTHER their drama? Bad idea?

He tilted his head.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes, "He thinks I should of stayed who I was. So innocent.. like I wasn't allowed to have a life without him when **he **was the one to rip apart from my life."

Tracker raised an eyebrow, "He put you on a pedestal.. not exactly horrible, but can be stressful."

"I'm not perfect." Emma whispered, staring down sadly now and he frowned deeply.

Emma's heart dropped, and she felt crappier than she did before.


	17. We Can't Be Over

_**Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise.  
I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes.  
Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize  
Its worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie.**_

(hedley_perfect)

Emma opened her room door to go lie down, now she had a splitting headache. She yelped, closing her eyes and closed the door halfway when she realised Craig and Ellie were still there..

..and making out on her bed.

"I'm SO sorry!" Ellie exclaimed, pushing Craig off her who was trying to stop grinning like an idiot.

Emma laughed, trying to shake it off and not look still, "I'm gonna take another stroll." she closed the door and giggled again as she walked down the hall.

She noticed Sean's form just enter his room and her heart stopped.

Should she go talk to him? Her mind screamed no, because he probably hated her and it was painful to think of if he did. But her heart screamed yes.

Sean sat on a chair by his bed, and next to him was a small table for a new bandage to put around his fists.

He undid one, unwrapping it and noticed it still slightly blue but not as bad and fading and just a smash cut on one knuckle.

Emma slowly entered his doorway, and she looked to notice the brusies too and she must of gasped, cause he looked up.

His mouth fell a bit, his eyes clouding.

She nervously leaned on the door and then put a piece of her hair behind her ear, "You need help?" she asked.

"got it." he muttered, lookng down and feeling his heart pounding but still sore from all their mistakes with another.

Emma walked in anyways and he focused too hard on his hand to look and notice. He reached for a cloth with peroxide on it and cringed a bit when he damped it on his fist.

Suddenly the cloth was taking as he cursed and then stopped, looking up rather suprised she was still here, and helping him.

She looked down and just instantly went to work on his hand, holding in her own and cleaned his knuckles up, trying not to cringe herself.

"Why'd you do this?" she asked quietly.

He looked down at his hand, watching her begin to wrap a new bandage on it before they switched to the other.

He swallowed hard, watching and _feeling_ her gentleness as she caressed his knuckles. Fuck, he felt tingly all over, especially where she touched..and when she let go, he felt a rush of emptiness.

He almost sighed in releif when she picked up his other hand, and began to unwrap that one.

He decided to light the mood, "Door said something he shouldn't of."

Emma smiled, and he grinned at that, connecting eyes with her til she looked back down when the other bandage was off his hand and turned it to show him, "This ones all better." she said whisper like.

Sean blinked, more interesteding in her eyes than his hand and then went to look and raised his eyebrows. Huh, it was all better. One hand to go..

He sucked in a shakey breath, and exhaled even as shakey. He took the courage to slowly turn his hand back into hers, and slipped his fingers through hers slowly.

Emma looked down at their hands and her heart began to rush when he pulled her hand toward him closer and she slowly took a step in. She looked almost fearful, but more nervous, as his other bandaged hand went onto her waist.

Emma gasped in sharply, he had quickly caught her off guard and pulled her even closer and faster, falling onto his lap and he stared up at her memorizingly.

Her chocolate swirling eyes gazed into his, and Tracker was right, his eyes only sparkled when he looked at her.

They let go of anothers hands with his arm now wrapped around her and he tightened it, closing his eyes to the way her body felt against his again and she melted, seeing that. Wow. . they really did miss _another._. it wasn't just **her**.

She cupped his face and he shut his eyes tighter, like if he opened them, it wouldn't real.

She leaned down, but didn't kiss him, even if she badly wanted to, "I'm sorry for everything." she whispered.

He exhaled, opening his eyes and shook his head, taking one of her hands off his face slowly and she thought he was going to remove her off him but he just held her hand tightly again and gave her a stern look, looking up at her.

"**I'm** the one that's sorry." he breathed, painfully looking down and she saw him looked choked up.

He was always bad with showing his feelings but she saw it, he was trying. And this thing between them had been so painful for so long and it didn't have to be.

"I'm an _idiot_ what I did to. I thought if I let you go and stayed away, hung around with another crowd, my feelings would go away but they wouldn't. They **won't."** he told her.

Emma looked sadly away and he frowned deeply. . he wasn't finished.

"I was selfish and mad because you weren't giving me **attention** when you had better things to worry about." Sean said and he looked so mad at himself when she looked back at him and she softened, seeing tears forming in his eyes and she noticed some in hers too.

"It's ancient history." Emma insisted.

He looked up at her hopefully and helplessly. He'd _always _be inlove with her, wouldn't he?

He moved his arm off around her and cupped her face, one with his busted hand and she took that hand after a moment of gazing at anothers eyes.

She held his hurt hand in both her hands and leaned it up, kissing his knuckles softly and his heart stopped, watching her in a trance as he did and let the breath he was holding out, go, when she stopped.

When she looked back up to him, he was staring intensily at her, wanitng to kiss her.

They moved in slowly and she felt his breath against her lips.. how she remembered he usually tasted of apple just or fruit when they kissed and she wanted that again, so bad right now.

Their eyes fluttered close a bit and when Emma waited for it, Sean shut his eyes and sighed, "I wanna kiss you, Em.."

their sounded like a big but, and Emma opened her eyes with the emotion of hurt flying through them, confusion.

But what?

but he didn't want to?

But she was ugly, what? What was it?!

"But.." he drifted, gently grabbing the back of her head and pulled her in closely, leaning her forehead down at his and he gave her a promising look, "I'm not going to. **Not **until we're out of here. Not til I know theres nothing more to try and rip us apart."

Emma smiled softly and nodded, and felt his fingers slide through her hair

"i missed this." he smirked at her, and she smiled and he stared at that, "that too." she laughed, trying not to blush and he grinned some more as she stood up, "Missed that too."

"Stop." she laughed, rolling her eyes and going to the door and he laughed, following her out to stop in their tracks when his family almost walked into them.

Emma went REALLY red now and Sean too, scratching the back of his head.

His mother raised an eyebrow, looking between them and couldn't help but notice this young lady was a real beautiful young girl...and her boy deserved the best.

"Hi." his mother smiled.

Emma looked shocked back at Sean who gave her a timid look. She'd never met them before but she could just tell, plus, Tracker stood with, and Tracker and Seans dad looked alike.

His father grinned wider, seeing Sean glancing back and forth nervously. He couldn't help but offer, "We're going to dinner now." he looked to Emma, "You wanna bring your friend?"

Sean doopily smiled a bit, putting his hand on the small of Emma's back who jumped a bit, but only cause she was so nervous. He knew she was probably thinking they'd judge her for this.. think the girl who was going to become his girl again was crazy..but they wouldn't.

"Yea. Let's go." Sean informed, and they turned, leading them out. Sean smirked, slipping his hand into Emma's as they walked, "breath." he teased.

Before they went out the door, Emma stepped back. His family kept walking out and went to go get the car and Sean stopped when he noticed her hand pull him back a bit and then let go.

He eyed her worriedly, "What's wrong"

She looked a bit frightened and shook her head, "I think I'll stay." she told him.

He saddened, and stepped closer, "Em, they're gonna love you. They probably aren't going to think you're real." he smirked.

Emma shook her head frantically, "No! It's not that. I wanna meet them but.." her eyes glazed over, eyeing the exit door and nervously shook her head, "I can't go."

Sean slowly put it together, she was scared to leave. She was scared that if she left, she'd become the same broken person as she was before she came in here.

"You're fine." he whispered promisingly, lifting her chin and her sad eyes looked up at him, "Allison wouldn't excuse both of us if we weren't."

Emma relaxed. That was true. She smiled a little and he did too, nodding back at her when she slowly agreed with a nod too.

"Ok?" he asked, and took her hand again and she decided to lead him out this time, smiling as she did.

Emma yelped, being picked up when they went out the front door, into the free world and giggled when Sean put her back down and she playfully hit his chest.

He smiled happily pulling her into his eyes and the longed lovingly at another, "God I wish I could kiss you." he breathed.

Emma raised an eyebrow, "It's only you that's stopping it"

"Needs to be perfect." he smirked.

Emma groaned, rolling her head back, "No more standards of perfect, _please_." she begged.

He frowned. She was kinda right. And before she knew what was coming, Sean leaned down and crashed his lip to hers, picking up her chin and then slid hiss hands around her face softly.

Emma gasped into the kiss and her eyes widened, to slowly close and melt into his arms kissing back just as deeply and wanting. It was full of everything they'd been through this year.. longing, regret, apoligies, ever lasting love, and hope for the future. Sean slowed it down, tenderly pulling her lips into his and they stopped breathlessly, leaning forehead to forehead again.

"I love you, Em." he didnt need to say it, she knew it now, again.._finally_. And she never felt so much securer than she did with him and in his arms.

"I love you too." she said, her hand now leaning on his jaw and the pushed her fingers through his growing hair and it was slowly started to curl, "I like your hair like this." she admitted, wondering what it looked like longer.

He playfully grabbed his tuke in this back jean pockets and slipped it on his hand and she giggled.

_**I still need you, need you, don't mean to tease you,  
If you want me, I'll come back and meet you,  
Whisper, whisper, you must admit you want it,  
You, you want it,**_

_**Well I just wish we could go back one more time and begin it,  
Back before I lost myself somewhere, somewhere in it.**_

We've been stuck now so long,  
We just got the start wrong,  
One more last try,  
I'ma get the ending right,  
You can't stop this, and I must insist,  
That you haven't had enough,  
You haven't had enough,  
Stuck now so long,  
We just got the start wrong,  
No more last place,  
You better get your story straight,  
You can't stop this, and I must insist,  
That you haven't had enough,  
You haven't had enough,


	18. Unfair World

Finally, it would be 3 more days til they all got to go back home..

Sean sat in Allison's room, going over what his parent's had said to him and why it was really bothering him.

Allison nodded, sitting across from him at her desk and tilted her head, "Well, do you want my honest opinion?"

Sean looked at her nervously, but nodded.

She took a deep breath, "take the offer Sean, it'll do you great it really will."

He looked down sadly, but nodded and sniffed a little. Allison saddened, was he fighting not to cry?

"Emma will always be there, Sean. You know that." she whispered.

He nodded but put his head into his hands.

"Thanks so much." Ellie panted, standing in Emma's room and put the duffle bag Emma let her borrow over her shoulder, "I don't know how I packed everything before and now it can't seem to fit in the bag I brought."

Emma smiled softly and was folding her clothes, getting ready to go. What a crazy few weeks it'd been.

Ellie paused before she went out the door, "So.. you guys back together?"

Emma glanced up to then stare down at the clothes. This was awkward. She sadly smiled but gave a look of apologies to Ellie but Ellie smiled happily.

"I'm glad." She told Emma, "I found Craig and Sean wasn't nor ever felt like mine."

Emma still didn't feel good about it though, since her and Ellie had went through so much and sat on the bed.

"Really, Emma." Ellie seriously said, nodding and passing a small assuring smile.

Emma nodded and finally smiled back, "Ok. Sorry I just... it was so hard for me to even try to move on that I didn't know if you were struggling with the same things I did or not. It was _hard _when me and Sean broke up... I told people I was fine when I wasn't."

"He's a great guy." Ellie insisted but shook her head, "But I wasn't really inlove with him. Not like you guys." she teased, "The _Sean and Emma _show."

A head popped in, Spinner, "Allison told me to tell you guys visitation soon. Our last one." he smirked.

They all smiled back at him, and it seemed they'd even put their history behind them.

"let's go." breathed Ellie, rolling her eyes to Emma but smiling and they walked out side by side.

In the cafeteria, Manny played with her hands nervously, glancing down at them and biting her lip as she looked around, waiting for Emma.

Emma came through the door and Manny sat up straight, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears and then glanced to see Ellie with her.

The two seemed like best friends the way they laughed together and then waved goodbye before Ellie parted to go see someone who came to see her.

Emma looked around for her mom and then her body frooze when she saw Manny. She had completely forgot she wanted to come.

Emma glanced around her before slowly going over and sat down.

"hey." Manny said quietly, swallowing nervously, "H-how are you?"

"I've been stuck in a hospital for 5 weeks and 2 days." Emma reminded, and Manny looked down, thinking she was being sarcastic and bitter but Emma laughed and explained, "I've been up and down, emotions up to _here_, and I've gone from barely breathing to..." she smiled happily, "**Happy**."

Manny smiled softly, seeing that Emma was infact acting like Emma. From behind her, she saw Sean walk in and he paused when he saw her too, sitting with Emma.

Sean seemed, afraid to go talk. What if Emma's friends still hated him? They didn't know they let everything go and were starting new again. He quickly walked to his brother Tracker on the other side of the room, though, he glanced once more Emma's way.

"Stare much?" Manny had to comment, catching Sean's glances and watched him walk away.

Emma gave her a curious look.

Manny nodded to the right, "Sean just stared us down." she joked though, "Not unusal though."

Emma bit her lip nervously and Manny seemed to still know her inside out.

"What?" Manny eyed her much closer and gasped, "What am I missing here? Have you guys been talking?"

"more than talking." Emma muttered and flushed a bit.

Manny whispered, and gasped "he's with Ellie?" she remembered, "Right?" she shook her head, so confused.

"Long story." Emma laughed softly.

Manny remember Ellie walk in with Emma and she shifted a bit uncomfortably, "Are you and Ellie like, friends now?"

Emma smiled to Manny adorably, hearing the jealousy, "You'll always be my favorite." they shared a smile and she went on, "I missed you, alot."

"I'm sorry for everything I said." Manny quickly apoligised and rambled, "I was being a total idiot. i was wrong. I'm the meanest girl alive. And you were right, I was the schools new slut-"

"I didn't mean it." Emma then rolled her eyes, "Well, I'm sorry I said it. I don't think that way anymore.. I'm not the prude princess I use to be and I had no right to say it."

The two shared nervous laughs but then bursted into uncontrollable laughter.

It even caught Craig's eye who glanced over and smirked a bit at their girly behavior and looked away when Manny leaned closer to Emma, "I didn't even _notice _Craig was gone or here."

Emma laughed harder and shook her head at Manny but smiled, "Well that's actually good." she admitted, "You've moved on then?"

Manny leaned back taking a deep breath, "I've moved on to being single and figuring **me** out. Sorta jealous I couldn't take _this _vacation with you." she smiled with dimples, nodding at Emma, "You really seem so much better."

she watched Emma look happy she had said that, and she then glanced around to see Sean looking again but watching Emma almost, hypnotizingly.

"Alright, whats with the Sean thing?" Manny had to ask and teased, "His eyes are glued on you."

Emma blushed madly and tried not to look obvious as she whispered, "we sorta.. been through a lot here, and he confessed that he missed me and I missed him too."

"Oh girl, I already knew that part.." Manny said with a small smile at the blonde.

Emma sighed nodding, "I'm hopelessly devoted to him."

"Alright Sandy, so what?" joked Manny, "You and Danny zuco are back together?" she was being playful, but rather very interested.

Emma nodded, smiling wide and Manny squeled, almost jumping up and down on her seat.

Emma rolled her eyes smiling

"I knew you guys never gave up on another, not really." Manny declared.

Emma made a small huff, leaning back, "I just can't wait to go back to school and finish off the year with him like we were suppose to... then next year is junior year, then-"

"Senior!" Manny shrieked excitingly.

Emma nodded.

Meanwhile with Sean..

Tracker watched his brother stare at Emma the whole time they talked and he finally scoffed, "Sean, she'll _understand_. She'll want you to do it."

"It's not about her understanding." Sean almost growled, "It's the fact I finally got her back and-'' he couldn't go on, glaring down at his hands on his lap.

Tracker sighed, "I know it sucks. But it won't be long.. and you can change your mind whenever, but, even your doctor said it'd be good for you."

Sean muttered while staring down still, "Just wanna take her with me."

"She's got family she needs too, Sean."

Sean nodded sadly, but understood that

"You're both young and need people who know what to do to help you, you need family. You can't live with another and think you can take care of another when you're having a rough time doing it yourself." Tracker raised an eyebrow at Sean, "You're not old or wise enough yet."

"I get it." barked Sean.

He cornered his eyes to see Emma laughed with Manny . . and his heart slowly tore up into shreds.

This wasn't fair.

...**what's not fair guys?! What's Sean doing that Tracker knows about! REVIEWS REVIEWS! and if you think you know, do you think he'll do it?**


	19. Don't Give Up On Me

_**(the fray- ill look after)**_

_**Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you**_

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down  
  
After another day of finishing packing and getting ready for tomorrow, Sean watched Emma exhaustingly throw her last bag on her floor and fall onto her bed.

He smirked sadly but crawled in beside and laid down to the side of her, turning her head to watch her sigh up and stare at the cieling.

"Is it wierd to say I might miss this place?" Emma asked, and turned her head to him to see him gazing at her already.

She smiled softly when he shook his head no.

"I get it." he replied, and reached his hand out to caress a hair against her cheek, back behind her ear.

Emma closed her eyes as he leaned in and kissed her, quite deeply, which she didn't mind but smiled against the kiss and giggled when he crawled over her.

They pulled away, her slightly breathless since not prepared for that and ofcourse heart pounding, "Where'd the come from?"

"That kiss?" he asked, raising a playful eyebrow, "my mouth."

She laughed again and looked up at him lovingly as he laid over her, always so careful not to crush her like he had been so careful about even before when they first dated...or second dated? Ugh, she couldn't keep up anymore.

She leaned her head up and kissed him tenderly, and he sighed between her lips as she parted them, and he slipped his tounge inside pushing against hers and he nearly growled when he heard her moan into the kiss.

He leaned his forehead down as they just laid there, and nuzzled it between her neck and shoulder.

"No matter what.." drifted Sean, "I'll always love you, you know?" it was silly to say, and corny, but true. He sadly roamed his hand around on her hip and clenched her tshirt into his hand, never wanting to let go.

_**Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you**_

Emma felt his heart beating hard since he laid so close on top of her, chest to chest.. until he rolled onto his back and pulled her to the side of him as she yelped a bit and giggled, laying her head on his chest.

"I know." she answered as he kissed the top of her head and then pulled away

He looked down worriedly at her, "And you'd me, right?"

She looked up at him, assuring but sort of confused, "Ofcourse I will, Sean." she didn't know why he looked so torn up about this or would even question her love for him.

He nodded, letting a big breath out that he didn't even know he was holding.

He softened, and held her closer to him in his arms and bent upwards to grab the blanket and cover them and mostly her with it

He smiled, feeling her melt into him more and even shut her eyes.

"No sleepin, Em." he whispered huskily in her ear and she pouted but kept her eyes closed, "It's almost 10 and you know the rules."

No boys in the room.

Emma almost whimpered, and shook her head no, "Since when do _you_ listen to rules?" she teased.

He laughed, until he noticed Allison checking in on the rooms and closing doors so he stopped, and sadly held onto Emma as if for dear life too.

He didn't wanna go.. he wanted to stay **just one night** with her.

Allison stopped and looked into the room to do a double take and stayed quiet. Emma hadn't noticed her and Sean's eyes were pleading with her not to make him go.

She smiled softly...guess she could give them one night. They were going to have a long day tomorrow. She gave Sean one final nod before shutting the door ever so soundly.

Emma only shifted in his arms and it sounded like she was already sleeping and he leaned his chin on the top of her head, closing his eyes as well.

_Best _sleep either have ever gotten in ever.

_**Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
(After you)  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh**_

The next morning, the sun seemed to shine brighter than any other day, into the hospital windows.

Craig smirked, sharing a look with Spinner as Snake came into the front door, clapping his hands together and smiled just as wide back at them.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

Craig looked down to his other side at Ellie who smiled also and nodded back up to him.

Spinner added, "We're missing a few."

Snake nodded, not noticing Sean, Emma or Jay here.

Sean was in his room, and all his stuff was packed in his one big black duffle bag. Seans shakey fingers did up the zipper of his duffle bag. He couldn't believe he hadn't said anything yet to Emma, he was just so afraid to.

He didn't want the happiness to be over, in a blink of an eye.

But he _needed _to tell her.

He sighed, putting the strap of the duffle bag over his shoulder and he wore a black hoody and his beanie on top of his head. He walked out of his room to stop abruptly when the room across from him which was Jays... had the one and only leaning on the door frame and looking right back at him.

Was he waiting for him?

"What?" smirked Jay, "No goodbye punch?" Taunted Jay.

Sean knew what he was doing and raised an eyebrow, "Goodluck in here for another 6 weeks." he taunted back but with his own killer smirk.

Yet, it didn't come out as cruel as it was suppose to, Sean had some sort of...civilized look in his eyes as Jay eyed him and noticed it too. So he wasn't pissed beyond belief at him anymore?

Sean gave him a small nod and turned to leave, and Jay chuckled a bit, shaking his head. He then sighed, and dug his hands into his pockets, heading to Allison's office for their usual afternoon hangout of sharing _feelings._

Down the hallway Sean turned into, his heart started to pound faster and faster and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

His heart suddenly stopped, and dropped, when he saw Emma waiting for him by the others at the front now.

"Let's go guys." Snake said, and led them out, opening the door.

Ellie, Craig and Spinner laughed, running out of the place like children on christmas day and they headed to the school bus.

Emma went to follow after Snake gave her a tight hug but she noticed Sean.

Sean felt his throat feeling as if someone was cutting it up, that's how **hard **he was trying to keep the sadness down as he walked to Emma and took her hand, guiding her outside.

This was it. They were out. It was over.

Emma smiled happily and watched Spinner and Craig fight another playfully and Spinner ended up getting on the bus first.

"You guys are stupid." laughed Ellie, climbing on, and before Emma went, she was pulled back.

Emma turned to Sean and tilted her head, "Sean.." she drifts smiling, "We need to get on before we get stuck again." she teased.

She was almost up against the side of the bus, and Sean made sure she was when he crashed his lips down to hers and kissed her deeply. His arms went around her so tightly she was sure that was the reason to her loss of breath this time.

She giggled a bit in between the kiss and tried to put her hands on his chest to stop him, "Sean." she muttered between the kiss and closed her eyes still, kissing him back once more softly before opening her eyes slowly, "Lets go." but when she opened her eyes and saw his eyes still closed, with a tear slid down his cheek... .she shook her head in confusion.

What was wrong?

"This is suppose to be a _happy _moment." she teased, whiping his tear with her thumb that only made his eyes shut harder.

She had to make it worse, go and touch him like that..

He opened his eyes finally, and Emma was a bit taken back, seeing something like ...regret, flowing through them.

What was he doing? Why wouldn't he get on the bus? He was acting like they'd never share a moment together again or something.

"Sean?" she sounded so weak now, her gut turning as if she sensed something wrong.

"I'm not going." he said breathlessly, gazing at her like he's lost a reason to even live.

"You're not staying here." Emma laughed a bit nervously but questionably. Was Allison making him stay?

That's not **fair! That can't be true..**

"No." he agreed, and glanced to the right

Emma turned her head and saw Tracker waiting at his old mustang car and leaning on it, appearing to wait for Sean.

"I'm going back home." he whispered, his eyes full of regret and sorrow and now Emma understood why, and looked back at him with...betrayl, hurt, sadness..

Seans heart broke as she hadn't even spoken yet, he knew she was angry and he hated hurting her. God, he didn't _want _to do this, he just needed to, for him. Allison said it'd be good for Emma too, he needed to figure himself before he could take care of her and sean wanted to always be able to take care of emma.

"Your leaving Degrassi." Emma said.

"I need my family." Sean glanced at Snake from the bus door who peaked out and noticed them talking and in a moment so turned and waited, "Like you always need yours and they need you."

Emma laughed shortly, and bitterly.

Sean's mouth dropped, and his eyes fought tears as she turned to walk away but then she came back, and he wanted to speak, but didn't know what to say.

"Em-" he shut up, seeing the hatred flash through her eyes when he called her that.

"This is the** last** time I _eve_r let you into my head, Sean Cameron." she snapped and laughed at herself, looking down at her feet, "I'm so stupid."

"Please don't say that." he begged, trying to grab her hand and she yanked her hand back. She looked as thought he dug a sword through her chest.

Allison was coming out of the building and saw them, eyeing them closer and Emma tried to not show how mad she was coming, how hurt again and how she'd probably be a risk again if she went back to Degrassi after this break up.

Emma glared down at the ground, and snapped at Sean, "I'm done." Emma told Sean and adjusted her bag on her shoulder before softly snickered, "I'm _so _done." as she turned and walked on the bus, her eyes seemed to do what it use to be so good at.

They blackened. Emma numbed this out and it seemed she had forgotten about everything the past few weeks and the heart break was too much to even consider to think about right now.. numbing was all she could do.

Sean, outside the bus, had tears rolling down until Allison stepped beside him and patted his back, guiding him to his brothers car. His feet moved but he tried hard to fight the tears, and hard to ignore his heart screaming at him to go back to Emma.

His feet seemed to obey his heart, and he ripped from Allison's side, running on the bus and Emma sat in the front, with her bag on her lap and she looked up, a bit shocked but still narrowed her eyes away from him til he leaned on the bus seat infront of her, leaning over it and looking at her desperately.

Ellie, Craig and Spinner stared at the scene before them.

"I'll come back." he promised, and she still wouldn't look at him "And I'll be **better**. I'll be who you need me to be and who I need **me **to be."

Emma glanced at him, and felt a bit of numbing fading.

"don't give up on me." he breathed, heart breaking yet hanging onto that hope.

She slowly looked out the window, trying to fight her own tears and he bent down more to her and said one more time, "I'll come back to you."

With that, Snake was on the bus and it started up, and Sean turned, jogging off of it and ran back to Tracker.

_**What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end**_

Ellie and Craig shared a look, eyebrows raised and she even cringed to how painful this looked. Why had Sean said goodbye? Where was he going?

Spinner even sadly glanced at Emma and as the bus drove he even got up and went to sit in her seat with her. She was fighting the tears so hard, wishing she **was** able to numb it, but she couldn't.. it had to do with Sean... that'll **always **make her feel. She glanced over to laugh at Spinner kindness to come sit there and be there for her, but she ended up bursting into tears when she laughed and he pulled her into a hug.

_**And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt**_

Meanwhile, back in the hospital, Jay Hogart stood at the window and watched the bus leave without him and he took a deep inhale and exhaled as he nodded.

Time to work on him.

He'd see them later..

_**I will let you down  
I will make you hurt**_

Craig and Ellie got up and sat in the seat beside the other two, glancing at Emma worriedly and supporting like the whole way back until finally, at Degrassi.

_**If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself **_

Meanwhile as Tracker drove Sean back home to Wasaga, Sean leaned his forehead on the window, nothing but a deep frown on his face and he just looked completely torn in half.

"It'll be fine." Tracker promised, "You'll go back to her when your both ready."

His car drove down the road and onto the highway, heading for Wasaga and far away from Degrassi.

_**I would find a way**_

_**(johnny cash-hurt)**_


	20. The Freaks

The four got off the bus after Snake who smiled, "Thought you guys could grab something to eat before we go back."

They hopped out and they all smiled, Spinner probably the biggest as they walked into the Diner. The Dot

Emma barely ate and kept staring down at her food as Ellie sadly glanced at Craig, but they tried to move on, and make jokes.

When they finished eating, Emma finally let out a small smile when Craig put an arm over her and they headed out back to the bus to stop.

They all stopped side by side and stared, spray paint was left by the bus and on the bus was painted the word..

_**FReaKS**_

Emma's eyes hardened on the word...someone from Degrassi must of heard about where they were.

Great.

Considered her life completely ruined.

"Original." sneered Ellie, wondering who could even do this as Craig even swallowed fear down in his throat.

Did this mean everyone at Degrassi knew?

"Come on guys, ignore it." Snake begged, guiding them onto the buys, "We'll go into the school from the back"

They shared looks but nodded and went.

Meanwhile in WASAGA...

"I'm so glad you came back home, Sean." his mother said, guiding him to his old room.

He smiled sadly, seeing his old german shepard lying on the ground and his ears perked up when he walked by, "Me too, Mom." muttered Sean, petting the dog as he passed.

The trailer may of been a trailer.. but it was cozy, and homeish, clean too.

"Did Emma give you her number to keep tabs on her?" she smirked to Sean, "Can't let a girl like that go."

Sean rolled his head back as his mother opened his door. She **had **to go bring her up..

"Yea mom." Sean lied, sadness reaching his eyes.

"I liked her." she said, turning back to him as she leaned on the door, "She was so pleasant over dinner, smile of an angel." she teased, "But you knew that already huh?"

She smiled, but then stopped slowly, noticing the hurt in Sean's eyes as he glared down at his shoes. He was still upset.

"Can we talk about something else?" he begged.

She put her hand out onto his shoulder, "I get it, it's sucks Sean. She won't stop loving you though, you're too precious." she promised.

"lay off the booze, woman." joked Sean. She was starting to get tear eyed and laughed, playfully hitting his chest.

"Just have her visit, I'm sure she'd love the beach." with that, she turned and left him to his room.

Great.. now Sean was going to probably have dreams of her coming to visit and being on the beach.


	21. Losing It

"Emma!" Manny happily hugged her at her locker, so glad to see her friend back in school.

Emma smiled and laid her chin on Manny's shoulder, to then frown, wishing she could be happier.

"Now I cannot wait for summer. Me you, the dock." Manny said.

Suddenly she heard Emma shuffling in her embrace and she was trembling.. it sounded like she was .. crying?

Manny pulled away and gasped, hugging her tightly again, "Em! I didnt mean to make you cry, we just had so many good times up there."

Emma laughed and sniffed, pulling away, "That's not why I'm crying." she honestly said.

"probably having a nervous break down." Whispered a student passing them, some redhead fat boy who wore white and red stripped shirt with jeans.

He talked to some kid who had a bad odor and he laughed, "Again." they eyed Emma.

Emma looked down, and she felt her heart pounding. She'd always been looked at different, but at least the kids of Degrassi always respected her.

Now they looked at her like she was some sick crazy girl that they would enjoy driving more into insanity.

Emma was afraid she _was_ losing it..all the control she use to have, was gone.

"Hey fat waldo and stinky," came J.t's taunt, stepping beside Emma.

They frowned deeply and stopped walking, giving J.t a stare down.

"Ya I'm talking to you." J.T informs them, "can you hear me through _your b.o_." he pointed at the kid who stunk, then the red head, "or your pounds of _flesh?_"

Manny rolled her eyes smiling and giggled a bit as Emma looked down at her feet, still afraid to say anything.

J.T handled it though, and the guys glared but shut up and walked away.

"thanks J.t" Emma muttered.

"Anything for my fellow friends." he smirked and then put his arms out, "Alright, group huddle." he joked.

They laughed, and the girls embaraced J.t

Emma pouted, "Wheres Toby? Can't have a huddle without him.. or Liberty."

J.t sort of blushed, "Their studying"

Emma noticed his wierdness and laughed a little, "And that's making you blush like a girl because.."

Manny laughed, "While you were gone, J.t and Lib started dating."

Emma's eyes widened and she tilted her head, smiling and actually impressed.

"I couldn't fight her off me anymore." joked Jt, shrugging guilty like and winked at Emma, "I heard someone was getting close to a certain ex again while away."

Emma frowned instantly...and to think she _**actually **_forgot him for one second.

Manny and J,t shared a look as Emma slammed the door to her locker closed and muttered, "No." she remarked, "I didn't."

with that, she walked off, and the two shared a cringing look.

"Ash!" Ellie happily said, walking up to her at the Degrassi entrance.

Ashley turned from Paige and glared a bit at Ellie and turned back to Paige. Paige didnt ignore her though and smiled, "Hey hun."

Ellie frowned, wondering what was up with Ashley.

"We heard where you've been and honestly, no judgement." Paige smiled but glanced at Ashley and they both saw that she seemed to be thinking differently.

The bell rang and Ashley walked off, "I'm late." she comments.

Ellie gave a look. What the hell!? She ran after Ashley and grabbed her arm, "Ash what is wron-" she stopped talking, seeing black now on her hands.. like marker or something.

She gazed at Ashley and then down at her hands.. .looked like ash on her finger tips. Or...

"Spray paint." Ellie said outloud and gave Ashley a horrified look, "_You_ wrote that on our bus?"

How could she- how...

"Craig." Ellie said, its all she had to. Ashley must of found out about them from someone.. she remembered her last visitation was with Marco and she had told him everything.

He must of told somebody or himself told Ashley.

"I hope you guys are SO happy together." taunted Ashley and raised an eyebrow.

"You said 100 times you were over him and Ash, you do **not** understand what he's been through. He's bipolar.. only has Joey and his sister.. not everyone has a mom and three dads." hissed Ellie, "we just sorta fel-"

"Fell inlove?" laughed Ashley in disgust, "You two both make me sick. I'd rather him with Manny. . least he didn't look like such a cockcroach with her like he does with you... pretending your all inlove, like your both stable. You'll crash and burn."

"No Ashley." sneered Ellie, "I'm sure that was _you _and Craig's **old** relationship." with that, she snickered and turned on her heel to storm off but then stopped and went back to her

Ashley raised an eyebrow, "what?" she taunted.

"It doesn't have to take someone who wasn't even in the shooting to realise how serious it was." Ellie confirmed, "Look at you now," she glared at Ashley "Your a disgusting reason why Degrassi won't ever change."

Ashley frowned deeply and looked around, seeing people glance over at them.

"Your a _bitch._" Ellie confirms, 'And I'm not sorry about Craig.", she then finally walked away.


	22. Control of Something

**ANNOUNCEMENT : People don't know that I (jemmasgiirl) am also URharmony, and Isn'tSheLovely. Haha, so if anyones wondering why I haven't updated so many stories it's because I have SO many others.. i'm making it my duty this weekend to try and complete almost every story in Jemmasgiirl, and UrHarmony. So any stories you want specifically updated, REVIEW THEM NOW so i know.**

**ONTO THE STORY**

"So do you wanna go in or am I?" whispered Manny, standing with Liberty in front of Emma's bedroom door.

The blonde hadn't been at school the last few days, if she kept it up, she'd seriously be missing a TON of school work.. not very Emma like!

Liberty grabbed the door handle, a stern look on her face, "She's missed two days of school, I **will** go in there if I have to-"

"Maybe she needs someone more..." Manny drifted off for the perfect word as she back Liberty from the door, "Less aggressive right now." she taunted.

Liberty scoffed but nodded but couldn't shake the madness off of her, they knew what this was all about, "I could _break _Sean Camerons neck."

"Yea" Manny clapped her hands together and put one on Liberty's shoulders, "That's the Aggressiveness, Lib."

Manny smiled a little and then turned, opening the door and went down Emma's stairs alone.

The blonde was hidden under her sheets, wide awake.. just laying there. Her eyes looked so tired.

"Em?" she heard.

She stayed still. Maybe if she acted dead they'd go away?

Manny's voice came again, "Em, you gotta come back to school, this is the week of reviews before our exams and then summer!" she felt wieght on the end of the bed, Manny had probably sat down, "You know you would not live with yourself if you got a B on these test."

Not even a twitch of a smile came from Emma.

Emma ignored her, and went back to thinking... I mean, when wasn't she thinking about him? He walked her back into his love trap and she was once again Sean Camerons victim.

Maybe it would be better if she just stopped wishing he'd come back and he just stayed gone. She could start a new life somewhere? Only had two more years of highschool..

Ugh look at herself... what kind of feminist was she? obsessing and overly depressed about a _guy._

"Emma! It's time to get up!" she heard Manny put on her big voice. Emma giggled a little only this time.

Manny seemed to get mad that Emma wasn't taking her seriously or moving out of bed.

"EMMA!"

Emma groaned, hugging the pillow she laid on and grumbled, "Emma's not here!" She said from beneath her covers.

"Okay, well you leave me no choice," Manny was silent for a second, til she began to jump onto the bed.

"What?" Emma's head popped back into view turtle-like from under the covers and she frowned frombeing bounced with Manny jumping on and down on her bed.

"Manny! Get off!"

"Nope, not until you get up."

The teenager kept up the bouncing for about five minutes, until she was breathless and panting and Emma finally gave a yell of defeat and leapt out of the bed "Ok MannY! I get IT!" she yelled.

Manny gave her a 'well don't get mad!' look and jumped down and happily smiled, "Now lets go out with _friends _and have some fun." she yanked Emma's hand.

"Can I brush my hair first?"

Emma boredly sat at the counter of the dot, and Spinner noticed her not really interacting with her friends as he worked behind the counter.

"Hey." he whispered, catching her attention.

Wow, she really zoned out there. "Hey." she greeted, passing a weak smile.

"Keep your chin up, Em. He wouldn't wanna see you like this."

Emma frowned.. she knew Spinner knew what she was upset about and trying to make her feel better... but that made her even worse.

If he didn't want her upset, he'd make her happy and them happy by being here.

Did she not make him happy? Maybe he regretting being with her... was she too ruined now? Ugly? Fat?

Her shoulder begun to shake with J.T trying to rip her from her dream land.

"J.T!" she snapped, yanked his arms off.

"Yeesh!" he exclaimed but happily smiled when Spinner laid down their pizza order.

"dig in." joked Spinner.

Emma suddenly glared at it. If fat was the reason Sean didn't want her, it was that pizza's fault.

"Em are you feeling better?" Liberty asked as if it was a switch of a light.

Toby pulled a pizza out for Emma, who wanted to yell at him to get it away, but she swallowed that down and lied, "actually...I'm not hungry." she told him.

When she saw them eye her a little weirdly, she came up with the best thing to take their minds off the fact she wasn't going to eat..

"But I am feeling a little better." she put on a real smile glancing around at her friends, "Thanks guys."

They all smiled softly and nodded, believing her. . and that's all Emma had to do for the rest of the week when she didn't want to eat. Wow.. .control of _something_ felt good.


	23. Not Good

"I cannot wait for summer." Craig said happily, arm around Ellie.

They walked down the hall of Degrassi as everyone seemed to be rushing around or sitting on the floor, studying. This was the week of exam! Then, hello Summer.

"You, me, camping?" Ellie suggested, smiling and eyes twinkling with him.

"Yup!" he said and they smiled as he held her closer, kissing her forehead and then they slowed down, seeing Emma at her locker.

Him and Ellie shared a look and she whispered, "Let's go talk to her."

Emma shuffled through her locker, nothing but a miserable face on until someone tapped on her shoulder. She did what she did best and bared a smile before she turned.

She was actually shocked, "Craig, Ellie .Hey." she greeted.

"Yikes." Ellie had to admit, eyeing Emma more, "You look real tired today Em."

Emma swallowed hard... she hadn't eaten anything but carrots yesterday, which were such a big no no.. it was suppose to be nothing but water unless she needed a cup of chocolate milk to make her stomach 'feel' full.

Emma rolled her eyes, nervously laughing, "Damn exams."

"I knowwww." groaned Craig, quickly believing her but Ellie did give one closer look at Emma before letting it fly.

"I have one more and then, me and Craig are sharing the summer together in Vancouver." Ellie told Emma.

"Romantic.." drifted Emma, eyes glazing over a bit.

Manny was coming up behind to meet Emma, they had plans to go study in the Library but slowed down when she saw Craig over near her.

She sighed, and forced herself to go.

"hey!" she said to Emma

Craig instantly watched Manny hug Emma hello, and he looked down at Ellie, coughing slightly. Ellie felt him tense, and he took his arm off her.

Ellie bit the end of her tounge a bit, feeling a little hurt...until Craig slid his hand into hers and she smiled, looking down at it.

Craig caught her look and they shared a small knowing smile. Him and Manny might have a past, and he wished he didn't hurt her so bad... but Ellie was his girlfriend now and he wanted it to last.

"We gotta go." Emma told them, going to follow Manny away but waved.

They nodded, and watched them go.

"Awkward?" Ellie asked him.

"sooo awkward." he breathed and they turned, laughing together and she giggled. Sure Manny was a pretty damn girl but, Ellie wasn't threatened.. .Craig and her had so much more in common.

It was more than sex. Actually, Ellie's been thinking maybe this summer...it could become maybe a little bit of sex ? She wasn't 90% sure with Sean ,even when she threw herself on him when Emma use to worry her, but with Craig? She was 110% . She hoped this summer would really bring them a lot closer..they deserved it.

"Craig and Ellie." joked Manny, sitting at a table with Emma and books all over.

"mhm." Emma said, on auto pilot and trying to study.

Manny egged on, "That happen in rehab?"

"Yea."

"EM!"

Emma jumped and looked up, Manny leaned over and groaned as she grabbed her hand, "Why is everyone moving on but meeeeee."

Emma weakily smiled, "Count me too."

Manny's mouth dropped and she sat up, holding Emma's hand tighter, "Oh god Em, that was so selfish on me to say..and rude to bring up-"

"no its fin-"

"Woah, your hands are so cold." Manny noticed.

Emma glanced down at their hands, and quickly pulled hers out. "Y-yah." she stammered, "Must be the breeze."

Manny oddly kept staring at her though, it was JUNE 20th.. there was NO breeze. She was melting here as they spoke.

But, whatever. Time to study I guess then worry about Emma's body temperature I mean if the girl said she was cold, she was cold right?

Suddenly, they heard abig gurgle.

Manny's eyes widdened, and she giggled a bit, "Em, was that you?"

Emma flushed, "Yea I- I only ate a poptard this morning," she lied and shrugged, "I'll go grab something from the cafeteria after we study."

Manny titled her head, and was kinda worried now. Cold clammy hands, didn't eat at the dot.. looking RATHER tired.. and now her stomach screaming for help.

Manny snapped out of it. She cant jump to conclusions. So what Emma didn't eat one stupid piece of pizza? Not like she lived with her.. she could of eaten before or after.

Yeah. That's it.

"I ACED IT!" Manny yelled, jumping out of their last exam and turned, walking backwards as Emma and Liberty exited the class too.

"I feel pretty good about it too." Liberty said proudly.

Emma just dragged her feet, following Manny out the front door, "Pool party? pool party?" Manny asked them both.

"Where?" Liberty asked, "Ever since mine and J.t's little stunt, we can't go in the hot tub unsupervised."

"Some kids every summer in the suburbs have pool parties!" exclaimed Manny.

Emma frowned deeply. What if she looked too fat in a bikini?

"Emmmmaaa." Manny whined, "Please?"

Emma swallowed hard. She couldn't say no.. they'd wonder. "Ok" she smiled.

She laughed when MAnny lunged at her and hugged her tight, "Thankyou, thankyou!"

"Guess I'll come too." shrugged Liberty.

"PEACE OUT SCHOOL!" Manny yelled down the hallway as they laughed and left the building.

They ended up at Emma's after they stopped at each their houses on the way to grab their bathing suits.

When liberty came out, she wore a tankini and Manny ofcourse, showed off her body in a pink bikini. As Emma changed, Manny sat on her bed waiting with Liberty.

"I've been thinking about cutting my hair this summer. I need change." Manny confirmed.

"How short?" Liberty asked just as Emma finally came out of the bathroom.

Manny pointed to her shoulders and put on a brave face.

"Manny, your hair is so long and beautiful though." Liberty said.

"I kn-" Manny stopped talking as she caught glimpse of Emma. What would of been a blonde hottie in a bikini, wore a full yellow bathing suit, "Em." joked Manny trying to do so lightly, "That your bathing suit from 8th grade?"

Emma glared a bit, taking it rather harshly, "fits **fine **Manny."

Manny and Liberty shared a look and Liberty cleared her throat, "I think she means we thought you'd go with a more.."

"A bikini." MAnny declared simply and giggled, "Emma! Think of the boys."

"Well I don't think _the boys _wanna see a fat tub of lard!" Emma yelled and then shut her mouth, trying to wash the madness in her eyes away and now looked nervous that she had just said that.

Liberty stared at Emma horrified.

Manny couldn't even find the words.

Utter silence..

"Em, you are _not _an ounce of fat." Manny whispered, getting up. Oh god... it was true. Emma wasn't eating was she?

Liberty blinked and stood up too, "We, we dont have to go to the stupid party."

Emma stared down and wished they'd step away from her, she was beginning to breath a bit wierdly, her lungs sort ofcollapsing. She closed her eyes for a second and took one big deep calm breath.

"No. I'm sorry. I'm being stupid." Emma said to them, and turned, "I'll go change."

But Liberty and Manny weren't buying it, sharing a look.

This wasn't good...


	24. Not Okay

_**Miss matter, you had her  
Now she's goin' away**_

I'm misused, misconstrued  
I don't need to be saved  
Miss slighted, I mind it  
I'm stuck in the rain

And I don't know where I am  
And I don't know what I'm into  
And I don't know what I've done to me

(pretty recklace-miss nothin)

The whole summer, Liberty and Manny were trying to keep track if they watched Emma eat. It's not like they could just accuse her and go to her parents without proof and create an even more uproar with Emma.. I mean, the girl had just got out of rehab, it could seriously damage her

What was new with Emma? Well, Sean had begun to call her on her cellphone.. thinking it'd be alright now which it **wasn't **and made her appetite worsen. She blocked his number, but by the second month, he was sending her emails..they'd say stuff like:

_How are you? Tried calling.. I'm okay. Miss you..yadayada. Please talk to me.__**I'm the boy who broke your heart **__**again **__** and think it's OKAY to email you !? **_Emma couldn't even deal with it. She didn't even reply or open the other emails.

But near the end of summer, Sean was starting to notice she was at least starting to read his emails. He'd send tons before that she wouldn't, but he wouldn't quit. At least one email a week, twice if lucky. Then, his email showed him that she was starting to read them. She wasn't replying back still, but ..that was _something _right?

It sucked to not hear back from her, but he still wouldn't give up. He wouldn't. He had been doing summer courses for school, trying to get his grades back up..try and get into the year he was suppose to since he had failed in 7th grade. He also focused on himself, though Emma laid in the back of his mind and heart..dreams.. He also worked out a ton, and was growing out his hair (Emma had said she liked that it was getting longer .. and god did he miss her fingers running through it)

He was going to come visit, but thought it'd be best not to make it harder on them. He emailed Craig before, wondering if he should and he agreed it wouldn't do Emma any good. Craig tried to update him the best he could but sometimes Sean wasn't fully satisfied..he felt Craig was missing something. She couldn't just be 'fine' and 'up to nothing' really. . that wasn't Emma like.

Then he got a shocking email from someone else.. but lets now get into that just yet.

A day before school came back around, Manny was noticing Emma looking too thin. She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to face her about it and today was just an Emma and Manny day..so it'd be perfect.

"Look, hes still staring." Manny teased Emma.

Emma didn't seem to care. Some stupid pool party boy, Peter whatshisface. She didn't care.. he's been making eyes at her and she wasn't stupid, she also saw when he also checked out Manny.

She had other things to worry about..

"You wanna go for lunch?" Manny asked her.

See? Like that. Def something to worry about..

"Can't, my moms making this huge meal for me and Baby jack today .. some picnic thing."

Manny had to give it to her, she was becoming a great liar.

Manny sighed. Other things had changed too.. Emma had really changed since last year, I mean, they were 16 now. Manny cut her hair to her shoulders and shes been serious about acting lately for her future...but she hadn't heard Emma say one thing about what she was planning for the future or even for back to school. Usually she never shut up about it.

On the walk home, Manny couldn't help but stop on the sidewalk and grab Emmas arm, "Whats wrong with you?"

"Nothing" laughed Emma a little, wondering what was up with Manny.

Manny shook her head, shutting her eyes frusterated, "Sick of the lies Emma! Tell me the truth or I'll tell Spike and Snake that you aren't eating!"

"I'm!" Emma stopped, and got so mad, how dare Manny threaten that!?

She felt the tears build up and she let herself crack.

"Em." Manny softened and quickly pulled her into a hug, "Talk to me. You can't be doing this to yourself okay?" she began to tear up too, and slowly pulled away.

Emma sniffed and nodded, "I know." she admitted, "I eat only once a day, I'm starving and I know it's horrible but-"

"But you're punishing yourself, for something you shouldnt be!"

"Your right." Emma whiped her tears and took a deep shakey breath, "**I'll** tell my parents, tonight. I need some major lockdown during dinner time."

Manny smiled and shifted, "So.." she tilted her head, "You wanna go to lunch then?"

Emma opened her mouth, and closed it. She glanced around and then smiled weakily, "Sure."

Manny sighed happily, grabbing Emma's hand and the two walked off to the Dot. Thank god! She was really worried

"One BIG tray of french fries please, Sticks." Joked Manny to Spinner.

Spinner grinned wierdly but nodded, "comin right up." he said and they nodded.

Emma zipped her sweater up, that was over her bathing suit and also wore jeans shorts. Manny sat in a booth beside her and then cringed.

"what?" Emma asked, just as Spinner got there.

"Girl thing." Manny said and got up quick, running to the bathroom.

Spinner shivered in disgust. Women things, gross. "Here ya go." he told Emma and went to turn, but came back, "Question."

Emma was staring at the food until Spinner waved a hand in her face, "huh? What."

"You alright?" he asked, eyeing her closely.

Emma smiled, maybe too wide cause he eyed her even more suspiciously. Damn.

"Fine, question away." she told him.

He nodded, the question was pretty important, "Have you heard anything from Allison?"

Emma frooze. Their doctor? "W-why would I hear from her? I'm _fine."_

"no.." drifts Spinner, taking his cellphone out of his bag, "I just meant, she's called me. I have no idea what it was about."

Emma tilted her head and nodded slowly. That was weird. She then remembered somebody else was still in there, someone they left behind at the hospital.

"You think it's about Jay?" Emma asked.

"Who knows." Spinner sighed, "Haven't heard from or anything about him. Wonder if he even went through with the help Allison was offering. Maybe he's in Vegas or something right now."

Emma snorted..that'd be classic Jay.

"Thanks anyways." he told Emma and turned, walking away.

Emma quickly looked back to the washroom. Manny was still gone. Quickly, she shoved from fries into her pockets.

"Saved by the bell!" Manny exclaimed with a giggle as she fell back down into the booth and then glanced at the tray and froze.

Wow, Emma had eaten most of it already.

"You were starvin." she joked, watching Emma hold a half bit fry and then smile, putting it back on the tray.

"Yea, I was. Thanks so much Manny for making me do this."

MAnny nodded proudly...yet had no idea the missing fries were in Emma's pockets, not stomach.

"I'll see you in school tomorrow." Manny told Emma, walking her to the end of her driveway.

Emma nodded, "Yup!" she bared one more smile, "Can't wait. See you later!" she went to turn, but had turned to quick for a fry to drop out of her pocket.

Manny saw it drop, and bent down, oddly picking it up, "Em?" she whispered.

Emma turned and tilted her head "Whats up?" she walked back to her as Manny stood right up and held the fry.

Emma gave her a wierd laugh, not understanding it fell off her and she rolled her eyes

"Wierd. See-" Emma gasped as she tried to turn, but Manny grabbed her, "Manny, don't touch me!" she struggled but Manny got her pockets.

A bunch of fries dropped to the sidewalk.

"MANNY!" Emma cried, tears starting to come. Why'd she have to be such a nosey bitch! How dare she try to take the only control Emma had in her life away.

"I'm telling Spike!" Manny declared, hurt that Emma would lie but felt so stupid. How could she of believed her?

She ran before Emma could stop her and Emma began to panic, and the air in her lungs began to collapse. Here we go again... onnly Emma couldn't stop and began to gasp and cold sweat dripped from her forehead

"**MANNY STOP!" **

Manny madly stopped, thinking Emma was just trying to stop her from telling and opened the door to then whirl around when she heard a thud and loud gasp come from Emma.

The blonde laid on the driveway, passed out.

_**"EMMA!" **_Manny went to run and looked back into the house with fright and terror in her eyes, "Spike! Snake! Hurry!" she jumped the porch steps and went straight to Emma.

Emma fluttered her eyes open and she whimpered, as Manny slowly helped her up then cupped her face.

"Em, Em are you okay?" Manny began to cry, "You scared the hell out of me, Emma!"

The blonde leaned on Manny for support, and her parents came running out, "I fell, I ..just fell." she whispered, staying numbly down.

MAnny shook her head in disbelief and let go of her, looking at her like she betrayed her. How could she lie like this? hurt herself?

She turned to Spike and Snake, "She collapsed. She's _not _eating, and she hasn't for weeks!" she pointed around the driveway at all the french fries.

Spikes eyes held horror and Snake looked at Emma, wishing it wasn't so. . but, she had been acting so down lately.

"Emma, tell me this isn't true!" Spike pleaded.

Emma shook her head, "It's not! Mom!" she trembled, tears falling, "Yes I skipped some meals, but it's not as bad as you think!"

"I don't remember you eating at all yesterday come to think of it." Snake admitted

Emma backed away from them like they were fire.

"Emma, we need to bring you to the Doctor." Spike said softly, stepping forward and trying to take Emma's hand who yanked it back.

"No, I am **not **going back there." Emma said.

Manny had tears rolling down her eyes, "Em, you _need _help. You can _die" _

Emma shook her head, not wanting to hear this, and with that she turned, and ran.

"EMma!" "EMMMA!" she heard them all shouting, but didn't turn back.

And thats the day Sean got an email from someone he didn't expect..

_Hey Sean._

_Hope everythings going well for you, and I don't mean to put any old Degrassi drama or stress back in your life, but I've seen you been trying to call and write Emma. She's been busy. Busy as in terrible. She's doing horrible.. I don't know if its the shooting still on her mind or... or something else, but she's reached her point and now we don't know where she is. She's not okay Sean, if you see her or hear from her, call Snake or me as soon as you can. Please_

_-Manny._

_Dear Manny._

_I'm coming home._

_-Sean_


	25. The Return

School was the next day, and nobody had seen Emma, but it was at Ellie's place that she was hiding at.

She borrowed a pair of her jeans and a snug red shirt. . when she walked into school she nervously looked around, hoping Manny nor Snake would see her.

She came a bit late, she just needed to go grab that extra house key she always kept in her locker. Then she could go sneak home, get her stuff..and just run as far as she could from here.

Meanwhile, as classes were in session.

Ellie sat in her _senior _seat with Craig. Laughing and sharing a hug that they made it. Summer was perfect for them, it really was _if you get what she's saying._

"Shh, gonna get us in trouble." teased Craig.

Ellie giggled again but then heard tons of commotion outside, and police officers had been walking around all morning.

"Whats going on?" Ellie whispered to her.

Craig shrugged clueless until from infront of them, Spinner turned around, "You haven't heard? Emma's missing."

"what?" Craig snapped.

Ellie shook her head confused, "No, she was with me. We both came to school together."

"You better tell Snake that." whispered Craig as Snake came in. Poor guy looked so nerve wrecked. Rattled.

Ellie bit her lip before raising her hand, "Um, Mr Simpson?"

Meanwhile..

Emma emptied her locker, shoving things into her little leather back pack. She slammed the door and held her house key in hand turned to gasp and stop.

Somebody she never expected stood there, a firm look on his face, and stern one too that told her he knew _everything_ that was going on.

"what?" Emma sneered.

Jay.

Jay squinted his eyes at her and he looked a bit different. _Good_, actually. Color in his cheeks, eyes not so empty anymore but in fact twinkled. he looked, mature.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Emma nervously looked around, knowing there was cops around, "Nothing." she lied, "I don't feel good, going home."

She gazed a little more longer at him until scoffing and went to turn and storm off-

"You're not fooling _anybody._" said Jay.

Emma stopped, and that anger and shaking came rushing back. The tears.

"What?" she snapped, twirling around, "You gonna go _tell _on me?" she snickered a bit and knew that wasn't Jay's style so turned again.

"exactly what I'm going to do."

Emma whipped around, seeing him storm toward the office and her eyes widened in horror, "JAY!" she ran and grabbed his shoulder, turning him back.

Who the hell was this guy?! OLD Jay wouldn't of given a shit! Where was that guy!?

"Y-you think you're all redeemed now Jay?" Emma snapped madly at him, shoving his chest, "You don't get to come here and think you're better now or fixed. Are _aren't _better!"

Jay grabbed her wrists and she begun to cry harder, "Or maybe I am and that's whats eating up at you."

Emma yanked her arms out and tears streamed down her face. She was ruined. Hopeless. Fat. Ugly. Stupid..

She suddenly stopped, and whipped her tears before snuffling a little and gave Jay a feirce look, "I can do whatever I want, Jay.. and I decided I'm leaving." she said and turned.

"Wonder what Allison would think of this,"

"JAY!" she cringed and turned back, pointing warningly when he grabbed a cellphone out his pocket, "Don't you dare!"

"how bout we make it quick and go to Suave?" he raised an eyebrow, walking to her and grabbed her arm.

She tried to struggle and then she seemed to break down, knees giving in and he bent down to catch her as she slumped to the floor and cried harder.

"I can't do it _anymore_." she cried, "I can't. It hurts. I can't breath." she trembled, "_Why can't it all stop_?"

Jay painfully watched her break like this, and a figure came slowly walking up, and sadly watching the scene. Manny. She watched Emma shaking in his arms and he actually seemed to just be, being there for her. No taking adventage, no damaging her even more...just whispering that it'd be alright.

"what do you want from me" Emma asked weakily, looking into his eyes with pure sadness.

Jay joked a little, "How about eating something?"

Emma sniffed, but nodded weakily and he got up, helping her. Manny hid a bit around the corner, but she'd seen this before..Emma was just going to try and trick him.

"First though, go tell your Dad your fine." Jay confirmed.

Emma angered, because she knew she'd HAVE to eat and go home if she did that. Jay wasn't stupid, he wasn't buying it for a second.

MAnny even smirked, really impressed.

Emma began to shout at him, echoing through the hallway, "You don't know what it's like! And you haven't changed! You're still the insensitive jerk you've always been!"

Snake and a cop came jogging over, with Ellie behind and they stopped, seeing Emma having a breakdown in the hallway and a returning Jay also standing with her.

"Emma!" Snake said, ready to take her home and went between her and Jay, nodding at Jay thankfully.

Emma's mouth fell. H-how did he know she was here? Who told him!? Emma looked behind and saw Ellie standing there, a sick and worried face on her.

"You told him!?" Emma yelled at her.

"Emma, you're going through something awful." Ellie told her, trying to explain.

Emma glared madly at her, "I can't believe I ever considered you a friend!" Snake grabbed her and Manny came running over

"We're gonna go to the hospital, you're going to be okay." promised Manny and Emma slumped back to her knees, but let Manny embrace her.

That was it, this was it.

Jay nodded once more at Snake before glancing once more at the scene, and slowly left. He was ready to be out of Allisons little pych ward..but not ready for friggen Degrassi

Jay sighed tiredly when he got home, throwing his keys onto his coffee table, "Well, I did everything you said to."

The figure on the couch stood up quickly. Sean. His hair was longer, he looked builter and he still had that love and concern in his eyes for Emma as he quickly walked over.

"She's okay? You found her?" Sean breathlessly asked.

Jay nodded and leaned on the wall, crossing his arms, "You were right, she was pretty ...broken."

Sean painfully swallowed and his eyes teared up, "She going to the hospital? Sh-should I go? I should go." he went to go but Jay stopped him, putting a firm hand on his chest.

"I think you were right before, she can't see you.. it's going to make it worse." Jay said, "Allison said it too."

Sean shut his eyes, just wanting to go see Emma so fucking badly. When he came here, he thought he was going to drive straight to Emma's... but even though he was almost cured from all the pain and stress of the past, his head was yelling at him to go see Allison. It happened to also be the day Jay was getting out, and they bumped into another.

Sean could truly see a change in him. With Allisons help, they had a heart to heart and Sean confessed why he was back.. Allison insisted Sean going to find Emma while she was like this may set her off a bit more.. so they brought in Jay to do his work.

"I need to see her." Sean whispered.

Jay cringed, "I know man, it sucks. I get it. But if you really love the girl you'll stay clear til she figures her own stuff out too. You can't be the only stable one in a relationship or you'll go crazy again too trying to save her. You don't wanna be the unhealthy Sean and Emma anymore.. .you wanna be the completely fixed _no drama_ happy Sean and Emma and sadly...she can't be fixed with you around cause you'll be a distraction, she needs to fix herself and focus on herself."

Sean sniffed and tried to man up, shaking his head but snickered, "As if you make sense right now." he muttered.

Jay snickered also, rolling his eyes, "I know, it's _fucking _crazy the shit I've been through.'

Sean shrugged though.. Jay had really grown up. And the two looked like young men now.

Jay reached down and grabbed Sean's car keys, throwing them at him, "Go back to Wasaga... I'll watch her for you." he promised, "I'll update you"

Sean nodded but still looked torn apart. But now, he fully trusted Jay. He knew the feelings Jay thought he had for Emma was gone now.. before it was just deep respect and now maybe they could be friends if Emma ever forgives him for getting her caught...and then hopefully AGAIN forgives him if she ever finds out he was going to keep tabs on her for Sean.

Sean opened the door, and sighed to glance at Jay one last time before walked off.

Back home he goes.. and he'll repeat in his head over and over, that'd Emma be okay. That they'd unite again soon..

MEanwhile, Emma sat ina hospital bed, wearing a blue gown, and under the covers sleeping. Manny slept on her side and Spike slept in the chair beside the bed, holding her daughters hand.

For once, Emma looked peaceful in her sleep.

_**At every time I've always known  
That you where there, upon your throne  
A lonely queen without her king  
I longed for you, my love forever**_

_**I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again**_

_**(again-lenny kravits)**_

**revieeeewwssss! OR I won't go on, hehe. What do you think! What would you like to see! do you think Emma will have to go back into the ward? Let me know!**


	26. Acceptance

"Geez, two weeks Em.. how was it?" cringed Manny, standing with Emma.

Emma looked better, wearing her normal clothes instead of someone elses or anything baggy, she also had color back in her cheeks. She wasn't 110% herself yet, but it'll come...she was starting to feel a bit better.

"I mean, not everything is back to normal." muttered Emma, "I have Suave sessions every day at 12.." she weakily smiled.

The past two weeks, Emma had been able to stay at home and be home schooled by Snake for awhile, til she got better..and Allison had come by to talk with her.

It was kinda better..but Emma still noticed she second guessed eating when a plate of food was brought to her but she guessed she may be like that for a while..maybe forever.

"Not so bad." Manny insisted, then put a hand on her shoulder, "You can talk to me to Em."

"Manny, seriously." Emma sighed, giving her best friend the saddest look, "I can't apologise enough." she seemed so ashamed. She had completely went crazy and tried to push Manny away from her.

Manny shook her head, "It's okay. You've been through a lot this year but this is a new year for us, junior year.. let's make it better so Senior year can be twice as good." she said with a smile.

"Hmph, yeah." Emma actually genuingly smiled til something caught her eye.

Jay, down the hall. Standing with Spinner.

"Be right back." Emma told her til Manny glanced at what she did and grabbed her hand.

"Might be a bad idea.." Manny feared, cornering her eyes at Jay Hogart but couldn't like and not admit she had been watching him a lot since Emma was away... he seemed different, but she couldn't take the risk.

"I owe him a small thankyou." Emma admitted, "Allison even said it."

"Who is this woman." Manny said while rolling her eyes and smiled with Emma.

The blonde laughed, "I know, she's one of a kind." she breathed then headed to Jay.

"Hey.."

Jay heard a small voice and turned from his locker and stiffened. Emma. He sorta relaxed though, seeing her look way better than before.

Spinner even noticed, "Hey Emma." he greeted

She nodded back and akwardly ran a hand through her hair and Spin got the point, leaving. The bell rang and Emma stepped closer to Jay, not wanting other students to hear their conversation.

"I wasn't me before." Emma told him, "What I said to you the other week.."

"..history." declared Jay, opening his locker and she eyed him over his shoulder as he reached for his books.

"Can't be that easy." muttered Emma.

Jay snickered, and shut his locker, "You think I'm gonna judge you or make you say sorry for what you went through? Half my fault right?" he asked.

Emma shrugged and whispered, "not really... just because I still time to time think about the shooting doesn't mean I blame you. Yah I guess you bullied Rick but who didn't? I **was ** a person on his **list **remember?"

Him and Emma shared a look and he huffed, "I wish we could all just fucking forget it ever happened... but we won't, will we?"

"The best we can do is accept it." she smirked a bit to how 'Allison' she sounded and he grinned too, noticing that.

"Good to hear Alllison seems to be doing her magic on you for real this time."

"Wasn't her fault it didn't work before, Sean's leaving set me back, made me go back in my dark little whole." Emma muttered.

Jay coughed lightly and leaned on his locker. The students were just about all in their classes.

"Gonna ever forget about him, Nelson?"

Emma sighed, "No." she admitted, "But he's just another thing I have to accept... he's not coming back." she said, surely.

Jay eyed her, squinting his eyes and then looked down, "You don't know that."

"It's been months. And he can't expect me to wait forever for him.. I thought I could but the hope just makes it harder. I gotta move on." she shrugged and shifted uncomfortably.

She was talking to Jay HOGART about this? Wierd.

Jay nodded slowly though, understanding that even if he didn't wanna agree.

"Anyways..thanks or what you did." she muttered, but softly smiled then turned to go walk to class. She sighed sadly, feeling her heart twist in pain at the mention of Sean again.

Wasn't ever gonna get easier...another thing she'll have to accept.


	27. Dance Tickets

"Hey Emma." whispered a voice behind her in class.

It was that new guy, who was also the pool guy from this summer Peter.

She turned her head a bit for him to ask, "Gotta another pencil?" he asked, nervously.

She nodded and grabbed one off her desk, tossing it behind.

Announcements were on, and Liberty spoke on the speakers, "Next week is the school dance, the first dance we've had in a long time, so lets make it worth it Degrassi. Grab your dates and our theme will be famous couples. That means famous celebs, movie stars or even book characaters. See you there! Grab your tickets at the front at lunch."

Emma sighed, focusing on the homework they were about to do and from behind, Peter eyed her

Manny, from the other side of the room noticed him doing so and she smiled a bit. Emma could use some fun.

Manny groaned when she waited til last minute though to grab them, and even dorky stupid Toby was telling her it was too late to grab a ticket since lunch was over.

"Toby if you don't give me some tickets, I'll _make _you suffer." she promised.

"Oh Manny." he sighed, "How about this ? I'll give you a ticket, even though you're too late...if you be my date."

From behind them, Jay was walking down the hall and saw Tony, or was it Tobe? Toby? Something like that, was bugging Manny Santos who looked like she could pounce him any minute.

"Toby, maybe before I would of considered that if you asked nicely. But now, I'd rather vomit and eat the vomit right after." Manny said, rather mad he was saying this to her.

Emma was both their friends and Emma needed some fun! Toby was being a bit of a jerk right now.

"That's a gross image." taunted a voice behind her, coming up and stopping.

She glanced twice, a bit shocked and a bit trying to hide her blush that Jay Hogart heard her say something like that.

She coughed awkwardly as he nodded at Toby with a look in his eyes that told Toby to stop fucking around, "Tickets, now."

Manny smiled slightly and lifted an eyebrow up at Toby to try and say no to **Jay Hogart.**

Toby frowned deeply, but reached in his pocket, "How many?" he grumbled.

Jay looked back at her and she...well, honestly, got a little lost in his eyes. He had grey eyes.. she'd never seen them up close before. He gave her a look and she flushed, "3." she swallowed a lump.

My god, was she _crushing o_n him or something? What was WRONG with her

"You heard the girl." taunted Jay and Toby almost dropped the tickets in fear and pushed them into Jay's hand.

Jay snickered but nodded..he could still use the fear he had on some geeks, but he didn't think he'd ever bully anyone ever again... he was different now. IT , was different now.

Toby walked off and Jay turned to Manny, holding the tickets up and he smirked when she happily sighed and took them, "You're a life savior." she nearly sang.

He adjusted his hat but shrugged and nodded and she laughed a bit.

She went serious and eyed him...he must of done it for Emma. Did he have _feelings _for her still? She wondered.

"Thanks for doing that," she looked down, "For Emma. She needs this."

Jay shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sure she does." he walked around Manny and couldn't help but corner his eyes at the petite brunette who always seemed like 'the hot girl who got around Degrassi', but now seemed like a bit more to him.

The way her eyes twinkled every time she smiled? He noticed himself getting hypnotized by it. It was those dimples.. and yeah, she was simply hot..but something deep down was admitting she was more than that.

"Wasn't for her though, _dimple_s."

Manny tried not to smile, but blushed and watched him go with confusion written on her face. Dimples? Her heart skipped a beat.

A few days passed as Emma sat at the Dot, waiting for Manny and the door finally opened with her coming through.

Emma didn't notice til three dance tickets were laid out infront of her.

"what's this?" Emma asked.

"Dance tickets." grinned Manny like Emma was silly.

Emma laughed, "I see that." she frowned and shook her head sadly, "I don't have a date. Seems like you do." she noticed three, not two tickets, "So I'm gona pass..."

Manny passed her the two tickets, "These are for you and your date."

"What date." snickered Emma.

"hey." came a voice beside them and Emma turned for Peter Stone to be slyly grinning at her.

She looked back at Manny who nodded and Peter spoke up for her, "I kinda...wanna be that date." he said, sheepishly smiling.

Emma flushed and then looked down at the tickets. I guess...she **did **need to have some fun.

She weakily smiled and nodded, "Okay." she agreed and he smiled, taking a seat next to her.

Manny smirked and went to leave to catch a glimpse of someone watching her from the end of the counter.

One and only Jay Hogart. She eyed Emma once more before going over and crossing her arms, "Stare much?"

He smirked, "Not staring just...watching."

"Watching me?" repeated Manny, not sure why he would.

He nodded slightly and put his hand into his pocket, "Wondering what it is about you.." he admitted, mummering a bit to himself.

Her heart pounded and she shifted a bit, playing with the one ticket in hand...dammit, if only she had another.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asked him, tilting her head, "The dance is tonight but.."

"You gonna skip it?" he asked, a bit shocked she would since asking him if he was what? Free? To hangout ?

She tried not to laugh, shaking her head, "It depends."

His smirk turned to a grin, "On?"

"If you make it worth it." she bravely said and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Damn the girl was a catch.

Make him even nervous a bit... geez, could he make it worth her time? The girl was ...amazing.

"How bout I just go to the dance with you?" he asked back, seeming just as brave and shocking her even more.

"Jay Hogart at a dance? Asking **me **to go with him?" she couldn't help but blush.

He even grinned a bit shyly, glancing a way, "Im not _asking you_.." he drifted, "**IF **you say no."

She giggled.

He coughed slightly, "would you say yes?" he squinted his eyes to watch her closely.

She bit her smiling lip, "Yea." she admitted, giving him a look that they both understood this was wierd.

Huh... Jay and Manny, who would of thunk that.

"But.." Manny then sadly sighed, her shoulders dropping, "There's not another ticket. Toby and Liberty for sure won't sell anymore.

She watched his hand slip out of his pocket with a ticket.

"How'd you get that?" she laughed but could only think... Poor Toby

"You know I have my ways." he grinned and had dimples of his own that Manny adored, knees going weak.

This would be an interesting night.

"you have to dress up." she told him.

He gave her a slight annoyed look but huffed and nodded.

She giggled wildly, "I'm gonna be Catherine Zita Jones from Zorro"

"You want me to be the mexican Zorro guy?" Taunted Jay, giving her a wierd look but couldn't stop smiling himself.

"You can _try _to be. Antonio Bernez is the hottest man alive and I can see how that can make you struggle and maybe this isn't such a good idea.." she turned.

He grabbed her and she laughed and he scoffed but snickered... damn, she was good.

"Fine." he muttered. Shit. If any of his friends saw him tonight doing this, just for agirls attention..they'd never let it go.

She smiled happily though and for some odd reason, it made him proud to be that person to make her smile.

His heart thumped unsteadily.


	28. True Love hurts

"Emmmmmm." groaned Manny, her costume on and she looked like a true beauty of a mexican women in the cowboy days. Rose in her dark curled hair too.

Emma came out wearing a Ridal cheerleading costume from Grease. She was gonna be Sandy and Peter...well he couldn't really be Danny Zuco, so he was gonna be that football jock from the Grease that Sandy dated for like a second (Hmm could this be ironic ?)

She curled her hair and pined it in a nice high ponytail and some hair framed her face.

She smiled but even blushed a bit as Manny laughed and the door bell rang, "whose that?"

Manny went red, from embaressement and guilt, "My date. Our ride."

Emma raised her eyebrows shocked but also impressed. Cool.

On the way down, Manny was putting on her coat as she wondered out loud, "You've said a few times that you never really _likedliked _Jay right?"

Emma wrinkled her nose at the wierd question, "No, not really. He was just there for me.. just awierd friendly connection I guess hidden by hate for another." she joked.

Manny nodded then opened the door. Emma frooze.

Jay. And not just a Jay... he wore all black, black jeans, shoes, loose dressy shirt and a long cape with his backwards hat (ofcourse, but he made it work) and black zorro mask on with a sword in his jean pocket.

"Oh my god." Emma had to say outloud.

Manny's eyes darted between them, wondering if this was a bad idea. Maybe Emma DID like Jay- but then she watched as Jay knew exactly what Emma was choked up about and he gritted his teeth.

"You'll tell _no one."_ he ordered of her and Emma bursted into giggles, looking at Manny and tried to cover her mouth.

She laughed so hard her stomach hurt and she put a hand on it, trying to calm down.

Manny laughed and blushed a bit for Jay. He did look good though and he wouldn't be the only guy dressing up, but it was just s SHOCKING that Manny could force HIM into doing it?

Emma had to shrug. . maybe there was hope for this new couple...she could kinda see the spark when Jay finally let out a smile and locked eyes with Manny.

"Lets go." Emma insisted, opening the door and watched them go and she smiled, shaking her head and eyed them.

Actually, Jay could be perfect for Manny. They both had their promiscuous ways and honestly, she thought they just wanted badly to b that loved... but love came to you...in time. As she watched Manny giggle, and Jay actually OPEN a door for her..she insisted that love may of been found.

Lucky them.

"you look great!" Peter yelled over the music inside the gym at the dance, to Emma.

Emma smiled and nodded, "You too." she joked as he wore a Grease jersey over his football gear and slicked his hair the way he usually did. So clean and cut.

Emma looked around and he coughed, "you wanna dance?" he asked. She swallowed hard, but nodded. That's what you did at dances right?

She had to be normal..she promised her family and Manny she'd be normal. healthy.

She tensed, as his arms wrapped around her in the dancing crowd, and he felt it, smiling softly, "It's okay." he said into her ear.

Emma blinked though and wasn't sure if it was, but wrapped her arms around his neck

She then looked down, and noticed a small bandage on Peter's top of the hand, "What happened?" she asked.

He looked down and laughed a bit, "No biggie. Small paper cut...thanks for worrying tthough." he brought her in closer.

Emma tensed again, but stayed with him, but memories flooded her head painfully.

_Sean's voice haunted her head, "I thought if I let you go and stayed away, hung around with another crowd, my feelings would go away but they wouldn't. They _**_won't."_**_ he told her._

_Emma looked sadly away and he frowned deeply. They sat in his room back in the hospital, it was just after he bashed his hand in and saw her with Jay, and his hands were so torn up with a bandage wrapped around it. _

_"I was selfish and mad because you weren't giving me _**_attention_**_ when you had better things to worry about." Sean said and he looked so mad at himself when she looked back at him and she softened, seeing tears forming in his eyes and she noticed some in hers too._

_"It's ancient history." Emma insisted._

_He looked up at her hopefully and helplessly. He'd __always __be inlove with her, wouldn't he?_

_He moved his arm off around her and cupped her face, one with his busted hand and she took that hand after a moment of gazing in anothers eyes and kissed it gently. He then crashed his lips to hers._

Emma shook her memory from her head and seemed to cling to Peter, "Woah, you okay?" he asked.

Emma darted her eyes up at him and tried to calm down, nodding but he could see something wrong.

"Emma, I've heard things... and I'll never judge you." he promised, and raised her chin, "You're beautiful."

She softened, giving him a look of graditute...but it didn't make her heart skip. Would any boy be able to make her feel that way again?

She still softly smiled though and leaned up, letting him kiss her.

"Come on, kids." teased Manny, breaking them up and she held ontos Jay's hand as they both eyed Emma with Peter.

This may of gone too fast..

Emma nodded and pulled away and Jay informed, "Dance is ending soon, there's a party."

"I think I'm gonna go home." admitted Emma, passing Peter a small sorry look but leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks for tonight." she said and turned, leaving after a small wave to Manny.

Manny sadly looked to Jay who shrugged at her, if Emma wanted to go.. it was best to let her and not push her. It was a good thing she even came.

Emma sadly walked home alone but happily breathed inn the night air..

_**I see your face in strangers on the street  
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep  
And in the limelight, I play it off fine  
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light**_

But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

_**(kesha-haroldsong)**_


End file.
